To expect some recognition

[thegreenmachine]

From my husband for doing everything bar the washing up at home.

He point blank refuses to acknowledge my contribution to running our home and making his life easier.

I am, however, criticised pretty quickly though when I make a mistake. Even if he doesn't criticise, he will comment.

Are you happy in the relationship?

Does he bring anything positive to your life because he sounds awful.

So he works full time plus ‘helping out’ with your business at weekends.
That’s what, a fifty hour week? He must still be travelling to work, if not commuting.
Does he do other things- who puts the bins out? You say he sorts your car out. Who cleans windows, clears gutters, takes items to the tip or mows the lawn?
Sounds less like an unfair distribution of work and more like a communication problem.
Twelve hours cleaning and cooking isn’t a huge amount for a part-time worker. His being angry isn’t acceptable but neither is moaning about your lot when it doesn’t sound that awful. You need to build some mutual respect back into the relationship.

No commuting - he works next door.

I do everything except washing up.

You are spot on that it's not about the work, it's about the communication.

@CherryPavlova op says she's out the house for work the same number of hours he is. She doesn't work p/t.

He sounds like Lundy Bancroft's abuser profile King of the Castle from the book "Why does he do that?".

Is it his family business?
How do the salaries, pensions, shares etc stack up?
Do you both have life/ critical illness insurance?

No, it's my family business that I took on last year after a sudden bereavement. Probate is still to be granted, but it will be mine. He has a good job and pension etc. which I occasionally help him with things in too. He's in a management position but not very IT literate so sometimes I will help him with setting up spreadsheets etc for example.

I always tell him how grateful I am. I've told him he's been a life saver, one in a million. Tell him I really appreciate how he's helped me etc
Could he just be jealous than that you are in a better professional position?

Maybe.

I was in a much lower paid job than him before.

He spoke last night for the first time about wanting to be legally involved in the business once probate is granted. Although I think his contract of employment forbids him from doing this.

Don't rush into anything op.

Do you have children?

When he was a child did the women in his life do everything for him?

Time to go away for the week or fortnight and let him crack on. Can you go off with your mum or best friend?

Don't involve him in the business if it means he will profit from your inheritance.

He sounds awful to live with and surely it would make more sense to set yourself up on your own and get rid of him?

We have children but they're all adults or older teens.

I can't go away because I have to be around to run the business. I'm not at the stage of being able to leave it.

He wants to be involved? Would that mean you would be the boss?

I’d be very wary...

He's very boss when he's at the business. But he does have a lot of experience with parts of running it. He has said to me that "someone has to be the boss". I've said I see no reason why we can't just work together. There are also jobs that simply require more physical strength than I have.

He wants to be involved because he wants your money. End of.

There are a lot of red flags here.

I’d think about employing someone for your business that isn’t him. Your communication isn’t at a level that’s a good basis for a shared venture and may never be a good match for working together.

Keep it your business freeing him up to do more around the house.

Someone has to be the boss? That would be you then, op.

I worked with DH for 12 years. It requires teamwork and mutual respect. If there are any issues in a relationship, working together will bring them out and exascerbate them.
I din't think your dh sees you as an equal and I think he would take on the boss role and you would be doing all the donkey work.

Perhaps I should also mention that my family member who died has left my husband and his children tens of thousands of pounds.

I realise it was given unconditionally but I know my family member did it because he assumed my husband would be helpful.

So by default as “someone” has to be the boss it’s him? Don’t let him steamroll in and decide unilaterally that he’s in charge. Fuck that.

Op you need to make sure any inheritance for you, is locked up in the business in a way he can't get hold of it.

The plan here, is for probate to be granted. And in a year, him running it, while you get sidelined and it becoming HIS business.

I always tell him how grateful I am. I've told him he's been a life saver, one in a million.

I think maybe you need to turn a slightly more ahem sceptical eye on your DH.

He's after your cash.