Tinder is just a bag of shit right?

[Caramara]

It's been a long time since I've done dating sites, nearly 10 years but finding myself single recently I thought I might dip my toe back in.

Tinder wasn't a thing back then, I remember POF being rough as, so thought I'd give it a try. How bad could it be?

Jesus.

I've not found one person to swipe right for, I must have looked at 100 or more. Most have no profiles, or 2 words. Or littered with spelling errors. Or they have faces only a mother could love. Sometimes all the above. And the ages...I'm 46, I look 40. No one believes I've got a university age son. I'm seeing guys on there who are 50+ and look 10 years older.

Do I just delete it and give up the whole thing? It feels like a rough night in our local 'Spoons on there at the moment!

I think you're misunderstanding my ref to rugby player build. I mean a man who's broad shouldered, heavily built. Looks like at some point in the last 4 decades could have been on a rugby pitch at least once.

Am I expected some sportsman level of chiselled perfection - absolutely not. Do I care if they're a bit overweight - no, indeed I'd expect that from a man in their 40s.

I've been alive long enough and dated enough men to know what I find attractive, and I don't think it's unrealistic because my most recent Exs fall into those categories.

I also definitely don't want someone who can't string a sentence together; sadly they seem to be the majority!

Expecting, not expected.

I will look at Tinder again later. Just randomly swipe right on a few and see if it improves the quality of matches (it'll need to, didn't find anyone to swipe for last night).

Just another one on the looks aspect, anyone with a shirt off photo is an instant no too. In case you all think I'm looking for a muscle bound Adonis.

Just went through about 30 or so, managed to find 5 to swipe right for.

Didn't swipe right for what was either the real Toby Anstis, or someone using his name and photos!

I love tinder. And hinge. Hated bumble and POF.
There's loads of gorgeous men on there. I wonder if it varies massively regionally. I live Home Counties, set distance at 50km, and that captures London. Loads of fit 40 yo men in London.

Ha I met my utterly gorgeous DH on (London) Tinder and dated a lot of lovely, intelligent, ‘normal’ and attractive guys from Tinder before I met him. My DH and I are both considered attractive and successful. I know a lot of equally ‘normal’ people who met their wives / husbands on Tinder.

Those saying Tinder is only for hook ups have a v outdated view. Everyone I know who is single is on Tinder, this includes gorgeous, average, ugly, short, tall, fat, intelligent, not so intelligent, young and not so young, players, those looking for commitment, those looking for a shag, interesting and fun, boring and stiff.. so people from all walks of life.. just like in real life

To find 5 out of 30 is a lot. Like @MrsTerryPratchett said above, there are all sorts of reasons to discount people, so I wouldn't get worked up about that.
At least with tinder they can't talk to you if you don't match. On POF you can get messaged by anyone, I hated that.

I'm in London East London-ish.

There are some good looking ones, however they tend to be the ones with shirt off photos, definitely not for me!

For some reason, every time I find someone fit, they nearly always come from kingston/west London area!

There are some good looking ones, however they tend to be the ones with shirt off photos, definitely not for me!

Shirt off was always an instant ‘nope‘ from me

And the ages...I'm 46, I look 40. No one believes I've got a university age son. I'm seeing guys on there who are 50+ and look 10 years older.

So men who aren't so fortunate as you to look so much younger are shit?

What is the point you're making? All men look old?

To be fair the men might be looking at your face thinking fucking hell this one is ugly only a mother could love that 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's weird to hear this.

The only man I know on Tinder and other dating sites is a good mate of mine - he's tall, 44, intelligent and funny. He says that since he turned 40 he's had hardly any dates from OLD.
He says that the women have long lists of dos and don'ts and what the man 'must have'. He also says a lot of them have awful 'self help' or life assuring memes attached to their profiles like a picture of a sunset with the words "You look after everyone but who looks after you" (or similar). He finds this really off-putting.

Personally, I think it's because he lives in Dorset with a smaller pool of women and here's the nub......he has dreadlocks. I've hinted that maybe he cuts them but he won't have it. It's his thing. It's a shame though. He's a real catch for someone. A really great guy.

I think, with spelling and grammar, it's the implication.

Hear me out! You are advertising yourself, for what may be the most important thing in your life - a relationship. If you can't be bothered even to run a spell checker or a grammar checker over your post, then what does that say about your attitude to life? Would you send off a CV for a job you really really wanted full of spelling errors and awful grammatical mistakes, and text-speak?

A dyslexic can get someone else to read over the post to make sure it's correct. As they would for a job application. Simply shoving any old misspelled rubbish up implies a lack of respect, both for yourself and for any potential partner.

That's why I hate badly worded OLD profiles anyway!

Another bit of advice I have is don't be too strict on who you swipe for. I used to swipe for anyone who's bio I liked as long as I didn't find them outright ugly because I find people are often more attractive in real life because you see their mannerisms, hear their voice etc.

That's a very good point Dazzling and so true. One example I can think straight away is Daniel Craig, who I don't find particularly attractive in photos (especially staged ones), but when interviewed I really fancy him. His eyes and face light up and he comes across well.

I disagree with the swiping right even if you don't find them attractive and finding their personality first. Doesn't suit me. Because it then opens up to having to say no thank you a few messages/lots of messages/dates down the line. I hate sending those no thank you messages when I know they like me. Rather just swipe left in the first place.

People are being too harsh on the OP. So what if she’s 46? Men of all ages for centuries have shallowly judged women on their looks/age but god forbid a woman knows what she finds attractive ! Don’t settle OP.

I think in my experience they are never as attractive as their picture anyway. A good rapport is much more important - the last guy I met had a serious, sexy profile pic and was very much my type ‘on paper’ but when he walked in, I was disappointed as it wasn’t what I expected.

After 30 mins of talking to him though I was smitten. He was entertaining, had a gorgeous smile and his eyes were so bright and captivating - yet I would have walked right past him in the street.

I had far more fun with online dating when I loosened my criteria. I went on a date with a guy who was not photogenic at all, as I found out at the first date. He was gorgeous and we had a great chemistry. I met my DP of 5 years through OLD. He's the exact opposite of what I was looking for but he's exactly the type of person I need as a partner, only I didn't know that until I met him and spent time with him.

My OLD person’s profile was perfectly written - he had taken a lot of care and it is what drew me in (also he didn’t list all the books he had read and the music he likes which often intimidates me - not that I am doing OLD at the moment.). The toos instead of to etc came later in messages which were and are otherwise funny, engaging and sweet (still a bit hung up about him ).

Hingeandbracket that's not what I'm saying. I'm sure some if not all of those 50 something guys who look 60 something are lovely people. But I'd feel like I was dating one of my dad's mates. I suspect there's some doctoring of ages there too if I'm honest, either that or they have had a really hard paper round.

Milicentbystander72 I definitely don't have any memes, that kind of thing is a bit live love laugh for me. It's very popular round here though.

I wouldn't be bothered by dreadlocks, but I think you're right that a lot of women might well be, especially if they're long. I used to work with a couple of guys with dreads and they're lovely (and happily married).

Why couldn't you wear heels if you're dating a man under 5'10"? What's stopping you?

At the end of the day they're your preferences but you're looking for a man above the average height in the UK so you are ruling most of them out on that basis alone.

I'm a woman who's 5'11" and I've dated a guy who was 5'4" before. And I wore heels - it's really not a problem....

The grammar thing: I also hate it when people put apostrophes on plural's. Makes my blood boil.

I matched with a guy on Tinder who was quite attractive in his photos. We messaged back and forth and everything was going great. We had a phonecall and I was a bit put off by the way he spoke, but I'm not from around here so thought it might just be the accent and I'm still not used to it.

We met up for a walk and he turned out to be the guy that stands outside my local coop drinking K cider and passing out on the pavement! His photos must have been 10 years old and taken before his alcohol problems. The funny thing is, I had passed him outside the coop many times while we were messaging online but had no idea it was him.

I met my husband on Tinder and prior to meeting him went on other dates, no hookups at all

Also, just to say I do know where you are coming from OP. I’m 32 - I’ve only been dating men in their late 20s because the ones older than me are generally quite dire. Nothing on their bios, bad pictures, multiple pictures with children, bad group photos (where you know they’re the ugly one), scathing comments about women ‘wasting their time’, ‘school of hard knocks’ and so on and so forth.