Tinder is just a bag of shit right?

[Caramara]

It's been a long time since I've done dating sites, nearly 10 years but finding myself single recently I thought I might dip my toe back in.

Tinder wasn't a thing back then, I remember POF being rough as, so thought I'd give it a try. How bad could it be?

Jesus.

I've not found one person to swipe right for, I must have looked at 100 or more. Most have no profiles, or 2 words. Or littered with spelling errors. Or they have faces only a mother could love. Sometimes all the above. And the ages...I'm 46, I look 40. No one believes I've got a university age son. I'm seeing guys on there who are 50+ and look 10 years older.

Do I just delete it and give up the whole thing? It feels like a rough night in our local 'Spoons on there at the moment!

You’ve just ended a statement with a question mark!

Yeah. I'm not the one selecting a life partner based on their grammar and using poor grammar myself, am I?

That was why the other poster asked how the op would feel if men expected good grammar. Because the op does not demonstrate good grammar.

That has fuck all to do with my grammar.

If you went out onto a local street:

50% female so that's out (for me anyway)
Maybe 80% out of my age range (too young or old)
Another 80% much too short (I have a 6 foot rule)
Not too skinny or chubby, another 50%
I don't like blonds or certain colouring so that's another at least 20%
Then there's grammar, another 80%
Funny, interesting or both, 80%
Attractive (I have a type, sounds like your type, DH is a rugby-looking man) another 80%

What does that leave? Massively less than 1%. So of course you're swiping a lot the wrong way.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with the OP's grammar.

What I mean is that maybe men you would swipe right on have swiped left on you before you’ve had a chance to even see their profiles.

Widen your age range and area, maybe.

Is it actually called Hinge?

@VanGoghsDog Got it in one - it seems slightly hypocritical to expect perfection in others when we are not perfect ourselves. Especially when less than perfect SPaG can happen for many reasons. Some people are more mathematically minded, some may excel at other things (like my DH who can't spell for toffee but makes beautiful furniture), there could be things like dyslexia at play and then there's good old autocarrot which gets us all at times. Errors are not always a sign of low intelligence and it seems a shame to discount someone on this basis alone.

Please point out my grammatical errors; I'm usually perceived as having great grammar and spelling (and my job involves a lot of proof reading and correction) so I'm interested to know where I'm apparently going wrong!

My Ex was dyslexic. Lovely guy. I didn't know about his dyslexia for ages because he was really careful to check all his texts and emails for errors. I'm not expecting perfection but I can't date someone who doesn't bother to correct even a basic error.

I met my husband on Tinder, it worked for us!

I found Tinder to be excellent. Met dp on their 5 years ago.

I met my ex dp on tinder (unrelated - we ended on good terms). He was a wonderful guy; I remember being completely surprised when I met him as I genuinely thought he’d be a waste of time! Keep trying ...

I met my boyfriend on tinder and he's genuinely the loveliest man I've ever met and I wouldn't have found him without tinder, so I'm a big fan of it! There are people on there looking for hookups but also loads of people looking for a relationship. It's probably half and half. I made sure I didn't waste my time on people looking for something casual by just being up front that I wanted to find a relationship.

I did have to have loads of boring chats and a few rubbish dates before I met my boyfriend so I do think you need to be patient and persevere with it just because there are so many users, especially if you live in a busy area.

I signed up for tinder gold because it lets you see who has already liked you and I would just pick a few guys at a time from there to match with. I found that made it feel less overwhelming because I was choosing from a smaller pool rather than sifting through tonnes of people who might not even fancy me.

Another bit of advice I have is don't be too strict on who you swipe for. I used to swipe for anyone who's bio I liked as long as I didn't find them outright ugly because I find people are often more attractive in real life because you see their mannerisms, hear their voice etc. I'm really glad I took this approach because although I thought my boyfriend was nice looking in his photos I wasn't blown away by him but as soon as I seen him in real life I fancied the pants off him.

I met my DH on there but I did have to fish out a lot of bad ‘uns to get to that stage. Not everyone is an arsehole on there but there are a lot of them.

I met my DP on tinder, he's very smart and tall so a unicorn in OLD. Dated for years though. I would lower your expectations significantly and enjoy the journey rather than focussing on destination. Had some brilliant dates, made a few friends along the way and have many, many bizarre stories to throw into the mix!

You're entitled to be as picky as you like. That's your prerogative, and no one should judge you for it.

But recognise that you are being picky. You're 46 and after someone with a rugby player's build? Unless you're a sex goddess with a large bank account I'd suggest that you may be out of luck.

your chance of meeting a 46-year old man with a rugby player's build are as likely as a man meeting a 46-year old women with a netball player's build.

Your grammar seems absolutely fine to me OP!

In my experience of OLD, if you’re at all bothered about spelling and grammar (I am!), it’s not really a case of letting a typo put you off, it’s more that 75% of the messages you get are borderline illiterate. And that is a complete dealbreaker for me. My DP, who I met through Tinder, is dyslexic! He makes the odd spelling mistake, uses the wrong homophone sometimes, and so on, but that’s ok - what came through in his messages was the fact that he can actually write, that he reads for fun, and so on. I’m sure that’s what OP means, and if you’re the type of person who finds that sort of thing important, it’s really non-negotiable. It’s not about not giving someone a chance because of a typo, FFS.

I mean, I'm a similar age to the OP. I fail all but maybe once of the non-negotiables above (height, build, hair colour and so forth).

...and you won't find me on Tinder because I'm already good enough for someone else. Good luck OP, you'll need it.

I think it’s good to know your worth and what you like etc, but elements of your post are very shallow - it is important to give people a chance given how small the dating pool is at your age, I think.

Newspaper dating sites seem to offer more sensible results.

The netballer build thing made me laugh!

It's a shame you are still constraining yourself so much by physical attractiveness OP. Why not just choose someone who you don't find really ugly and is over 5ft 10 and start talking? If you find them fun and interesting, go on a date. It's a process. I can well believe they're not all lookers, but I imagine there are nice men on there! Lots of people don't take a good photo but have a certain "je ne se quoi" when you know them in the flesh.

I have some experience in this field so here are my thoughts:
Tinder is definitely not just for hook-ups. I have only ever met up with genuine people who are looking to date.
Bumble is awful, like Tinder for men who can’t be arsed to or don’t have the balls to make the first move.
Hinge is even worse, far fewer users (I live in a large city) so it was just the same faces coming round again and again and again.
The main thing with Tinder though (I think) is that the algorithm will only show you crap profiles if you swipe no to everyone. The aim is for people to match so if you are rejecting everyone it shows you, you will only get shown people from the ‘bottom of the pile’. It SEEMS it’s unlikely to show you the good ones based on the fact that you are picky and therefore these good profiles would not get matches from you, and they want their ‘attractive’ users to get loads of matches.
My friend was on Tinder being (in my opinion) too picky and I made her try and give a few profiles the benefit of the doubt - almost immediately she was seeing some better profiles coming up.
Location will make a big difference too but as I say, even in my large city, Hinge is awful and Bumble is bad too.

is spelling really important?

I couldn’t date someone who constantly got your / you’re and their / there wrong or put apostrophes on plurals.

Having said all that you have every right to be picky, as long as you are realistic that it makes it hard to meet people on these apps, where looks are the main first impression!
The guy I hit it off with best of all my Tinder matches was one who I almost swiped no to. In real life he was very very attractive!

I hear you op, t is not just the grammar, some cannot string a sentence together, or spell.

The thing about too and to, your and you’re and apostrophes in the wrong place, I went on some dates (7, not that I was counting 😊😊) with someone who makes those mistakes sometimes (the dates didn’t lead to romance but we are still sometimes in touch as friends) and he is engaging (by message as well as in person), funny and very intelligent - also a lovely person.

Not being able to string a sentence together or not wanting to is one thing IMO, making mistakes which might be down to dyslexia or breaks in education or for whatever reasons, is another.