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AIBU?

Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

794 replies

baskininjoe · 17/05/2020 16:28

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

  1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.


  1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.


  1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.


  1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.


I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.
OP posts:
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ConstanceSalinger · 19/05/2020 08:09

Ah, but apparently the OP has a "well developed theory of mind"

I googled it because it sounded like (more) bullshit from them.

Theory of mind is the ability to attribute mental states — beliefs, intents, desires, emotions, knowledge, etc. — to oneself and to others. Theory of mind is necessary to understand that others have beliefs, desires, intentions, and perspectives that are different from one's own

So, no, you don't. Not in any post has the OP said anything that makes me think they display empathy. You sound like you've made some specific life choices and now regret them.

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BetteDavisWeLuvU · 19/05/2020 08:14

Was just going to say exactly the same thing @CeeceeBloomingdale

OP it would be really good if you could use this thread to get some perspective and self awareness - you more than likely won’t, but it would be good.

And honestly I know you’re at the age where you think you’re the most important thing in the world but the business you’re working for is not going to crumble because you do an hr less a day. In my industry I am the client, I understand that my suppliers won’t be as productive as they were pre Covid.

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turnthebiglightoff · 19/05/2020 08:40

Another flouncer who can't take the heat. @op I did say earlier you are not using the right forum to vent your frustrations. And on average if someone dies it takes their employer 3 months to replace them. We are all replaceable, including you and your special skill set. If you had listened to how much you had offended everyone earlier you would have saved yourself some time and energy. Alas.

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RestaurantoffBroadway · 19/05/2020 08:47

But do I expect to be somehow compensated for the extra I am doing because of this, yes I do

You can go on hoping. Your compensation is keeping your job. Your compensation is living in a society where half a million don't die of corona. Your compensation is the absolute privilege of being able to work and keep yourself safe.

The thing I think you deserve special recognition for is taking on care work at the weekend. You are caring for the vulnerable and juggling it with your main job. Thank you so much - honestly - for looking after our vulnerable elders.

Parents are also juggling core job and caring for most vulnerable. So you can thank them, too, as they thank you. The posters who say "they're just looking after their own children" are talking rubbish. Oldest and youngest are the responsibly of all of us.

You and parents are sharing some of the extra work of keeping the economy going and caring for young. Looks like you're also pulling extra shift caring for old/vulnerable. Thank you. If it is too much for you, you need to stop for a while, and let someone else step up who has a bit more energy. But I don't think that can be parents, and I don't think you can expect extra money. We aren't calculating effort by financial reward at the moment.

When this is done, we need to remember how unequally resources were deployed and vote for people who have a plan to support the whole of society.

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RestaurantoffBroadway · 19/05/2020 08:54

@MNHQ I hope you leave this up, it's a useful thread for people to reflect on roles and processes during the pandemic, and in the words of The Good Place, what we owe to each other.

(actually proper philosophy, but hey I saw it on the good place)

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Livingoncake · 19/05/2020 09:03

OP, I suspect you thought you'd get the same deference from us as you get from the employees whose productivity you monitor.

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Tellmetruth4 · 19/05/2020 09:09

I also don’t want this taken down as there will be others with this mindset out there. Reading this will save them the trouble of starting a similar thread.

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Duchessofealing · 19/05/2020 09:26

OP you’ve had a tough time on this thread and whilst I agree it should stay up I do think you need to step away from it. You really haven’t responded well to counter arguments and have come across as quite petulant at times and your stress is almost tangible. I think it was @Person23 (if not apologies to the right poster) who said that this is your unpaid role in society for now and we all need to pull together. My role in this, and I am one of the fortunate ones I acknowledge, will be to be slammed by higher taxes when we come out the other side. You need to tell your boss it isn’t sustainable and that they need to find a solution - it is their responsibility not yours, unless you are a management consultant and your role is to decide how businesses can be better run, the local chamber of commerce will have some ideas that can help them. I wish you the best of luck.

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SoloMummy · 19/05/2020 09:31

@baskininjoe

  1. The reasons for furloughing have to be met. So your employer has obviously decided this is the case.


  1. Monitoring of staff productiveness and effectiveness is not your business. If you have an issue managing your workload as a result speak to your line manager. Don't make assumptions about colleagues.


  1. Employers don't need to be grateful to employees still working, you're simply fulfilling your contractual obligations.


  1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level. Parents have to make the decision about school returning in the best interests of their children, not to meet your best interests.


I think that maybe you need to review remaining childless.
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HeyDuggeesCakeBadge · 19/05/2020 10:13

@MNHQ please don't take this thread down. Whilst there were some posters who perhaps were a little angry (at the very goady OP) but these have been deleted. A lot of the pp's have taken time to respond and explain their circumstances and why they OP needs to consider the other side of the arguement.

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understandmenow · 19/05/2020 11:23

In fairness OP you seem to have plenty of time on your hands.....

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FilthyforFirth · 19/05/2020 11:52

I have no idea why my post was deleted. I called OP immature and petty but so have a million other people.

At the risk of getting deleted again I am glad she has flounced. Honestly one of the most horrible things I have ever read on here. It is shocking she thought she would get a pity party here on a parenting forum.

Reall sad to think people actually hold these views. What a world.

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LaurieMarlow · 19/05/2020 11:56

I expect OP has asked for the thread to be removed, but MN are resisting (because there aren’t grounds), so made a few token deletions to make her/themselves feel better.

That’s my guess.

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/05/2020 12:37

I did not expect to go completely unchallenged ... however the level some posters have stooped to of personal insults, attacks, patronising and belittling has shocked and saddened me

Unfortunately that's what too many threads on MN have become
Granted you were always going to get a hard time because, although it's the situation you've been posting about, some take it all very personally, but some of the sneering and disablist posts have been a disgrace

You'd think it was possible to discuss the principle of something without descending into personal insults, but apparently not Sad

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Sandybval · 19/05/2020 12:38

Honestly one of the most horrible things I have ever read on here.

What, someone daring to say they find the situation from their perspective a bit unfair? Yes, how dare they feel how they feel.

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Sandybval · 19/05/2020 12:39

I agree @Puzzledandpissedoff, it's pathetic. Some posts have been good and put across measured and reasonable points, some are just horrible, nasty and spiteful. If posters think their colleagues aren't inwardly a bit pissed off at picking up the slack, they're quite frankly extremely naieve.

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Conquistadora · 19/05/2020 12:43

What, someone daring to say they find the situation from their perspective a bit unfair?

Is that what you took from OPs posts? Because what I took from OPs posts was a lot of barely concealed hostility towards other people who have things just as hard, if not considerably more so and seemingly even actively wanting some of them punished...

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Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/05/2020 12:49

Of the seven business owners I know all have the furloughed employees or those able to be less productive for childcare reasons first in the list for redundancy

This is exactly what I've been afraid of
Again, nobody suggests it would be the right thing to happen, but it's what so easily could happen

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HopeMumsnet · 19/05/2020 12:52

Hi all,
We're going to close this thread to further comments as we feel that pretty much everything that can be said on the subject has been said.
Hope everyone is keeping well under these strange old circumstances. Flowers

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