"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

"How did you do in your driving test?"

"I passed!"

I hate "lost" more.

I think people should use exactly what phrase they want to use.

When my dad died I really couldn’t say the word died, it felt so hard to articulate it. 8 years on I can now say when he died but it took me some time.

I prefer the phrase "not on the planet"

"How did you do in your driving test?"

"I passed!"

RIP...🙏

My sister's child died. It took her years to be able to say she was dead.

So fuck off with your judgements.

What does it matter what language someone uses when referring to the death of a loved one. Particularly now, during this global pandemic which is killing people.

And yet you use the words “death” and “killing” in your post.

I’m not bothered what words people use to describe the death of a loved one. But I wouldn’t use the word “pass” to anyone, even if they used it to me.

Well I’m in the other camp of thoughts, my husband died suddenly and unexpectedly a year ago, I never got to say goodbye to his conscious Self and After having to see his life support withdrawn I was in total shock.
I went into complete denial and if I had to Say anything about him would say he passed away, using Dead/died was too final.

Having lost my best friend and partner in life has also made me realise I don’t get offended at anything other people say or do unless it’s a direct threat to my life.

I feel the same way about 'my late father/mother'

They're not late, if they were late they'd be here.

The driving test analogy is ridiculous.

When I hear people use it I always think it sounds like they're implying that the dead person has passed 'over' into another dimension in the way that a 'medium' might use it.

I'm not a Medium but that is why I say 'passed'

Yeah I'm not a fan of 'passed' or even 'passed away' particularly, but I do get why people use it, and if it helps them, then fair enough, it's personal choice.

However, I work for the NHS, and it does annoy me when people use it in a work capacity. If anyone should be able to say died, it's us.

To be fair to OP- you did say people can express themselves how they want. You’re talking about more generally? I agree when reporting the news it should be died.

But for personal use whatever works for the person and I can’t relate to those of you who are annoyed by someone using an expression you wouldn’t.

I can't believe people are taking the piss out of the words bereaved people use.

It's shameful.

I think people should use exactly what phrase they want to use

I know right!

Imagine being the sort of person who criticises someone’s use of word when their loved one has died/passed/passed away.

It's American, it's euphemistic, maybe relegious, Christian.? Good that people talk about death, diying, bereavement but it is twee. Also was told by child counsellor to use proper term or children can be confused. It seems cruel but better to be clear.

I always say 'died' too "lost" can be confusing as the examples above demonstrate.

I think 'passed away' seems gentler and I can imagine using it in the context of an elderly person dying peacefully in their sleep. It doesn't seem at all appropriate for eg someone who died in a car crash. Obviously no one would want to focus on the violence of some deaths. 'Died' is much more neutral, I think.

I don't like 'passed' at all and again there could be some confusion with passing exams, driving tests etc.

I don't like it either. You can try to soften the words as much as you want: it doesn't make the reality any less harsh or difficult to bear. Nor does it make our loved ones any less dead.

Euphemisms always carry that general air of infantalizing the situation (particularly as they're almost always in the context of either sex or death)/ This was never of much help or comfort to me as a bereaved person.

My Mum called me one morning to say an aunt had "set sail" at 8:45 the night before.
I hadn't a clue what she meant, and when she explained she had "set sail on her final journey" I was irrationally angry about why she couldn't have just said she had died. She felt it was too soon to say something so final.

And yet you use the words “death” and “killing” in your post

Indeed. My point is exactly that.... people can use whatever bloody word they want when talking about their own bereavement.

I’m not criticising anyone’s use of any word in this regard.

I’ve never understood this MN objection to “passed away”. It’s bizarre. Perfectly normal language that has always been used throughout my life. It’s not new. Maybe you just live in a linguistically remote place.

I much prefer died. I dislike the term 'passed on' anyway but I find passed genuinely confounding and always have to mentally adjust.

When my mum died I said it a lot to people. I didn't want it to be covered up, somehow, I think.

I always think of lost cats when people say lost. Gives me visions of their rello with REWARD pasted over their forehead on a lamp post somewhere.

Of course this is all in my head and I don't let on to them.

But ‘lost’ is better for me as a bereaved person. We are all different.

"people can express themselves as they like." They sure can op. Yabu.