"When he passed" - AIBU to think WTF?

[TheClitterati]

Seems everything uses "passed" instead of died now. On the radio, in conversations, on MN, online. I expected to see statistics of those who passed from covid 19 any day now.

He passed. When she passed. She passed 20 years ago. Anniversary of his passing.

Seems to have snuck up on me & I find it very annoying. Plus - so many questions! Where did this come from? Why do people use it so widely? Is it now unacceptable or uncouth to talk of death? Where are all these people passing to? Did Fred West & Hitler pass also or it it just people we think kindly of who pass? Are we now to speak of the passing of Diana? The day Prince passed?

I didn't mind in occasional use- people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all.

AIBU to think it's ok to talk about death and people dying. Has mention of death become unspeakable?

[Covert20]

I dislike it because the phrase has always been “passed away” not just passed, so it grates. But also, right now I don’t think we should be using euphemisms, if we acknowledge the full horror of what’s happening maybe we’ll all do what we can to minimise it?!

[antipodalpizza]

I lost my Mum two years ago. It’s how it feels

That makes sense to me, I say my Dad died but he is lost to me because he died. I will never have that time with my Dad again so he's lost as well as dead.

and flowers for you.

Anybody got a tissue? Serves me right for thinking I was coping well earlier today.

[LoadOfOldTosh]

Some bereavements are too painful to immediately acknowledge that the person has died. Using the phrase 'passed away' might make it just that little bit less difficult when speaking about what has happened. In situations where people have lost someone, particularly someone very close, then it's considerate and kind to mirror the language they use when speaking of their situation. Surely a little compassion is not too much to muster even if you don't believe in using euphemisms.

[1forAll74]

I say died or passed away, just mainly what comes to my mind initially.

A worse kind of word to use, but mainly for someone you didn't really know, was, OH, did you hear, that old man down the road snuffed it yesterday. !

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

The criticism of OP is unfounded: "people can express themselves as they like. I understand why someone might refer to the death of a loved one this way. But it does seem to now be THE way to reference the death of anyone at all."

OP is not telling anyone what word to use when describing the death of their own relative if that makes it easier for you. Pretty sure OP wouldn't also ignore the choice of words and insist on referring to the "death", either.

This thread isnt' about what individual bereaved people use, is it? Quite clearly. So stop with the outrage and maybe re-read OP's post again.

[tara66]

PO - Hitler did not ''pass'' because he shot himself in the head.
Fred West did not ''pass'' because he hung himself.

[OneandTwenty]

Get over it and move your judgy pants out your arse

You need to chill out a bit, people are allowed to have an opinion.
Just because they politely don't comment in front of you doesn't mean they are unable to ask a question.

Expressions used in the media and social media are not expressing a private and genuine grief, it's a valid point.

[OneandTwenty]

Fred West did not ''pass'' because he hung himself still dead though

[Chinchinatti]

1forAll74

Or he popped his clogs or kicked the bucket

[antipodalpizza]

@recklessruby

[Whatnext2018]

I prefer ‘Passed away’ to died, it sounds less severe.

[steff13]

Why do the British think that everything they dislike has come from America?

That's just the way it is on MN. 🤷 I'm American and I say passed away. I prefer it, I don't care of it bothers other people. Except for my work, I use "expired."

[billandbeninsanfrancisco]

Thank you Anti, and to you too

[antipodalpizza]

I prefer ‘Passed away’ to died, it sounds less severe.

You see I don't really understand that, I mean I'm fine (not that it's any of my busy) with people using whatever euphemism they want to use but death is severe. Whatever language is used to describe it isn't going to change that. In my belief (or rather lack of) there is nothing after death. My Dad is dead, I cannot ever have more time with him and that's the end of that. So for me anything other than him being dead is just language that doesnt convey the awfulness of the situation.
The thing I have found hardest is that there is nothing, I would love to have a belief that there was something but there is no body, no ashes, no funeral, no memorial service, just nothing. He's gone and left nothing behind.

[Chinchinatti]

My smartarse uncle used to reply to the question 'Oh, what did he die of?' with 'He died of a Tuesday'. (Irish)

[LouLouLoo]

I’m quite matter of fact about most things and would use the term died.

However, my MIL died three years ago. I still can’t say it out loud without welling up. I can talk about losing her, but I cannot talk about her dying. I don’t care if people find my terminology twee or stupid, I miss her greatly.

[ClassicCola]

We hear all day on the news about how many people have died. So no I don't think the OP has a valid point. I think she just wanted to prove how much better she was than the people who use softer terms.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

I'll tell you why. Before lockdown, i bumped into a family friend we lost contact with ages ago- she asked after my parents and i said: "Theyre both dead". Her face dropped and she looked shocked.
People cant take the truth un-sugar coated so thats why people soften it with "they've passed" etc

[sonjadog]

If someone told me someone had "transitioned" I am not sure I would understand that they had died.

[Chinchinatti]

I think passed away might well be used more by people who believe in an afterlife. If you don't, then well, they're simply dead. End of.

[AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter]

If someone told me someone had "transitioned

I would assume they'd changed gender if someone said this!

[butterpuffed]

It used to be just religious people who used the phrase 'passed' as they meant passed on to the next life which is what they believe in, I think they still say that.

Not sure why a growing number have started using the expression in recent years , it seems like they may think it's a gentler expression than 'died' or is it that we have to be so careful what we say now and 'died' isn't politically correct

[trappedsincesundaymorn]

I refer to my mum as dead because that's what she is. I don't begrudge others using terms such as "passed away", "passed on" although I can't say I'm a huge fan of "fell asleep" because that, to me, is just creepy, but again if it helps others cope with their loss then fair enough. I have to say that my dad has given strict instructions not to refer to her as "our late mum", his "late wife" , because, to him, it makes it sound like she should have died sooner.

[Lynda07]

I'm 70 and have heard the term, "Passed", as well as, "Died", all my life. In context, both mean the same thing so what does it matter?

[HoppingPavlova]

Not a fan myself. I have always used died/dead professionally as there is absolutely no room for confusion or false hope as you would be amazed how people twist this stuff in hope, if you used passed they would go ‘you mean, passed into the next ward/passed through for testing’, uhhmmm no.

Lost is even worse. Sounds like people have been negligent and misplaced someone. It’s even worse when people use it in relation to animals as I truly never know whether the pet is dead or ran away and you have to hope they add in extra clues so you can figure out which one it is.

If people want a gentler term than dead, maybe use deceased?