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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be left out of hen party?

23 replies

Rosegoldlilly1 · 16/05/2020 20:21

So my friend was suppose to be going away for her hen due this weekend. I unfortunately could not make the abroad one but said i could go to the one in our local city. Obviously that doesn't matter anyway now and she's changed the wedding to next year too. I've just gone on my social media and seen that theres a digital hen party happening for her and i haven't been asked if i'd like to join in. I kind of feel like yea i couldn't make the abroad one as its was too much money but surely that doesn't matter now and i could join in?
I would class her as one of my good friends. Just feel a bit upset i've been left out. There are about 12 girls in the digital hen. AIBU to be upset or am i being silly?

OP posts:
InTheNorth123 · 16/05/2020 20:23

YANBU, I would be upset by this too. Was she annoyed that you couldn't afford to go abroad (not that she'd have the right to be but I've ready enough threads in here to know it happens).

toastedcrumpetsforme · 16/05/2020 20:25

Has it perhaps been organised as a surprise for the bride, by someone that doesn't know you well?

MissMarks · 16/05/2020 20:25

Could it be the bridesmaid has accidentally not invited you as you weren’t going abroad? do you know the bridesmaid?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/05/2020 20:25

Does the organiser know you?

Patch23042 · 16/05/2020 20:27

I’d be hurt too.

But....Perhaps it was organised by someone who just used the list of foreign travellers? Chances are they were all in a Facebook group or an email list or whatever, and someone made a virtual party from that list.

Original poster
Rosegoldlilly1 · 16/05/2020 20:28

The organiser of the hen is her sister and i also know her really well. I text her sister only a few weeks back wishing her a happy birthday.

The hen was organised a year ago, so its been a year. I said to her how sorry i was about not going but i'd make it up to her.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 16/05/2020 20:28

It's likely that it has been organised by someone other than the bride, who just used the list of people who were going to go to the hen do. Don't worry about it.

Original poster
Rosegoldlilly1 · 16/05/2020 20:30

Looking at the people in the call it looks like there are women in it that werent going abroad too.

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 16/05/2020 20:31

I really doubt you would be missing out on much.

RoosterPie · 16/05/2020 20:33

To be honest it sounds really tedious but yeah, I think it was a bit out of order leaving you out.

Original poster
Rosegoldlilly1 · 16/05/2020 20:37

Yea it prob isnt that fun but just feel hurt. Tbh it feels like i count her as more as a friend than she does with me. Its felt like this over the past year or so really.

OP posts:
OneNewName · 16/05/2020 20:41

Tbh it feels like i count her as more as a friend than she does with me. Its felt like this over the past year or so really. That's really sad. Maybe step back a bit now.

Frozenfan2019 · 16/05/2020 20:42

I suspect she used a list of guests and just forgot to include you. I wouldn't take it personally at all

Coffeecak3 · 16/05/2020 20:59

It’s a horrid feeling. Nothing worse than being left out.
But it’s probably not intentional. It’s just possible her sister went by the list of those going abroad and didn’t think about the city hen do.

You have two options

  1. Let it go and maybe carry on feeling hurt
  2. Message the bride and say gosh it would have been your hen do tonight. I’ll have a drink for you. She may well invite you to join in.

Not an easy choice but if it’s a genuine error you will probably be welcomed into the group.

Samtsirch · 16/05/2020 21:01

Could you contact her or her sister and say you’d really like to join in?
Or would that be a social faux pas.

daretodenim · 16/05/2020 21:03

SMS the hen or her sister and ask her what she's up to, you fancy a catch up!

MostlyAmbridgeandcoffee · 16/05/2020 21:06

Hm id try and rise above it and assume she’s just forgotten you and get in touch and ask to be involved - better not to miss out otherwise may be cutting off your nose to spite your face

Original poster
Rosegoldlilly1 · 16/05/2020 21:19

I saw it about 2 hours ago now, think it would be awkward to ask to join now

OP posts:
megladon2020 · 16/05/2020 21:20

I would be upset. Can you text and say you must have missed the invite?

ECBC · 16/05/2020 21:22

I’d take it as a sign to take a step back from the friendship and put your efforts into other more rewarding relationships. Even if it was an oversight you’ve already said you feel she doesn’t value the friendship as much as you have previously.

Confusedaboutthis01 · 16/05/2020 21:29

This is shit and would make me upset. Hope you’re ok OP. I had a friend who constantly made me feel like that and separating myself is the best thing I ever did. It’s sad but she mustn’t view your friendship in the same way you do.

Idododoidadada · 16/05/2020 21:30

Looking at the people in the call it looks like there are women in it that werent going abroad too.

It may be an oversight but i wouldn’t do as pp have suggested and ask to join now if there are other people on that weren’t going. Very mean of them but are others not going abroad closer in some way? Family/lifelong friends for instance.

Yea it prob isnt that fun but just feel hurt. Tbh it feels like i count her as more as a friend than she does with me. Its felt like this over the past year or so really

It’s shit, I’d feel hurt too but maybe this is a good opportunity to start emotionally distancing so that when the invite drops on your mat for next year you can decline because (she was a cow excluding) you are no longer close.

So sorry, being excluded from anything is hurtful Flowers

bloodyhellsbellsx · 16/05/2020 21:56

I wonder if it was just the group that was meant to be going away this weekend? They probably have a group chat and that’s how it’s been arranged, it’s a shame for you but I can see how it could easily be done!

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