For putting my foot down and not allowing DH to build a.pond in the garden?

[Pixiefringe]

Background: We have a very active 13mo and I am due our second in July.

It's common sense IMO to not have bodies of water in your garden with babies and toddlers about. But a quick Google search shows it's not recommended you have a pond until your children are 6yrs and above.

Your husband is being ridiculous. Having a pond with such young children would be nothing but a danger and one more thing you would constantly have to worry about.

I wouldn’t install a pond if I had young kids. What on earth is he thinking? Why risk it?

Only if he’s planning on putting a grill over it.

I love having a pond because of all the wildlife it brings into the garden but will be putting a grid over it to prevent accidents once we have a toddler running around. YANBU but there are ways to make a pond safe so could you come to a compromise?

He can put a grill over it, I’m assuming though you wouldn’t leave your kids unattended in the garden anyway?

I love ponds. We have one in our back garden. Which we put in when DD was old enough to be left near unsupervised. Not before.

I think you could compromise, having a pond would be fine if it was properly fenced in and had a grill. Kids tend to love seeing the fish and tadpoles etc so would probably really like having it.

It'll be fine if he puts a grill over it.

I grew up with a large pond in our garden and it was wonderful to go outside and see all the wildlife it attracted.

Not without a grind. I'd prefer no pond for a few years tbh.

What type of pond is he thinking about?

If it's a wildlife pond, they don't have to be large or deep and you'd presumably be supervising your DC in any case.

If it's a godawful brick swimming pool Koi pond, no chance. Too deep, of no value to the environment, a horrendous disruption when being made, aesthetically dubious and cripplingly expensive.

Unless you have a large garden I'd find the space to play more valuable, but if you have plenty of space a pond with a grill would be safe, even if not very beautiful.

In have an over the ground fishpond. I had it before me DC and couldn't part with it. We got a net to go over the top, DC are too little to be in the garden with out supervision. Could this be a compromise?

Yanbu. If I had one before kids came along I'd out a grille on, and be extra vigilant. But if you don't already have one it's definitely something I'd leave until the children were much older.

Thank you for all the replies. Actually a grill could be a good compromise if he continues to sulk about it.

Our garden is small but there is a raised flower bed at the end of it, he basically wants to dig it out and add the water. I feel bad saying no because he is massively into wildlife and has been working hard getting the garden sorted out (recently moved in). But i just see it as another thing to worry about. Imagine leaving the back door open on summer and having to have a constant eye on what will next year be two toddlers running about in case one of them goes into the garden before I notice.

But I guess it being enclosed in a little wall would make putting a (very solid!) grill on it a lot easier.

If I were you, I would have a call chat with him, express my concerns, and ask if the pond could wait for a couple of years. Aside from the safety aspect, I assume there's a lot of upkeep and work involved with having a pond. You're going to need him to share the load with the kids and the house, not messing about with the pond, especially for the next couple of years.

*calm chat

Does he expect you to be the one constantly looking out for the kids once he’s built it?

You don't need a pond. Just have a bird bath or bog garden instead.
I wouldn't have a pond even with a grill on it until the children are much older.

No way. Constant anxiety for years. Don't do it.

I think it's fine so long as it has a grill on it or a suitable fence around it.

Why is a grown man sulking. Can he not discuss it like an adult? I love my pond loads but I'd want a rock solid grill over it with kids around.

if it's a wildlife pond you can mostly fill it with rocks so there is only a cm or so of water at the top. or a grid or pond safety grids. There are a range of options. I would be asking him exactly what he plans and then make a joint decision

We have several ponds in our garden, including a wildlife one.

Until we put it in I never realised just how amazing it would be for the children. DS2 in particular spent hours a day since he was little sitting next to the pond, just watching the wildlife. He trained tiny frogs to sit on his hand, and can tell you in minute detail everything there is to know about the life cycle of everything from dragonflies to fish to frogs.

Wildlife ponds are usually very shallow, and if you still worry you can put a grill just under the surface of the water, where it is not very visible. There are loads of grills especially for this. In any case you shouldn't really leave very young children in the garden unsupervised, regardless of whether there is a pond there or not.

Your children will be really missing out if you wait until the youngest is over 6 years old.

One of my friends brought up 3 very active boys from when they were toddlers/babies in a house which had a pond (already in situ). It did come with a very solid metal grille, though - not just mesh. No accidents, and she was quite a laissez-faire Mum!

I have seen a failed resuscitation on a five year old and fought with my husband for 40 years over a pond. We now have a raised wall (3ft) pond with fish. I am still totally neurotic with the grandchildren esp when they lean over and take their feet off the floor. Stupid man.