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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For putting my foot down and not allowing DH to build a.pond in the garden?

63 replies

Pixiefringe · 16/05/2020 14:51

Background: We have a very active 13mo and I am due our second in July.

It's common sense IMO to not have bodies of water in your garden with babies and toddlers about. But a quick Google search shows it's not recommended you have a pond until your children are 6yrs and above.

OP posts:
Bythepath · 16/05/2020 15:39

We have a big deep pond which was there when we moved in. It has a grill on it which you cannot really see. I love water and the sound it makes and my kids love looking at the fish etc.

gamerchick · 16/05/2020 15:39

What about some sort of fountain instead?

Rebelwithallthecause · 16/05/2020 15:39

I’m due a baby soon (in a week) and been dreaming of digging a pond or some sort of water feature

No idea why when it’s obviously going to be the most dangerous addition I could possible think of for the garden with young children Grin

forgetthehousework · 16/05/2020 15:40

Well I don't think a pond is a particularly good idea but why on earth are you treating your husband as if he is another of your children?
You're 'putting your foot down', but might let him make a (safe) one if he continues to 'sulk'; doesn't sound as if you've even tried to discuss this as responsible adults - have you even explained your concerns to him?
Unless you are the sole owner/renter of the property perhaps he might be allowed an opinion too as he, presumably, contributes to the cost of living there.

VerityB1 · 16/05/2020 15:42

Well done for being strong. Please dont let him do it. I worked with someone who's first child aged about 3 got thru the fence and drowned in the neighbour's pond ... the neighbour found the child dead in the pond.

None of them ever recovered ... the neighbours, the mother and father. The heartache, the guilt, PTS, the mental health issues that followed.

This risk needs avoiding.

gamerchick · 16/05/2020 15:43

Or a raised pond that doesn't need digging? You could cover one of those up easy.

MitziK · 16/05/2020 15:44

He doesn't need to take away a raised bed to make a wildlife pond. He could make one next to it and fence around it, he could make micro ponds, any number of ways to have one without filling a raised bed with water (and the work involved in waterproofing would be more hassle than it's worth). Wildlife ponds don't benefit from being raised, anyhow - they're better at ground level.

Original poster
Pixiefringe · 16/05/2020 15:47

Absolutely fuming right now. He has gone out to buy some essential shopping and is on his way back now with a spade and some pond liner.

I was considering agreeing to the pond as long as the first thing we buy is a sturdy grill but didn't even get the chance to talk it through properly before he's decided to buy the liner and spade. He knows exactly how I feel about having a pond before the kids are old enough to be safe around it.

OP posts:
Oldandcobwebby · 16/05/2020 15:47

I pulled my 7 year old cousin out after he had fallen head first into my parents' very small but 3 feet deep garden pond. If I hadn't have been there he would have died. Both of us were absolutely terrified. It happened in the blink of an eye. I'd would be telling DH to give his head a wobble.

Original poster
Pixiefringe · 16/05/2020 15:48

@VerityB1 and @NoMorePoliticsPlease how absolutely awful Sad

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 16/05/2020 15:50

Your children will be really missing out if you wait until the youngest is over 6 years old.

That's the most ridiculous MN comment of the day! Grin

OP you know YANBU, ponds are dangerous for small children. Your DH is an eejit.

Original poster
Pixiefringe · 16/05/2020 15:50

@Oldandcobwebby oh my goodness thank God you were there!

It's just too scary to me, I think even with a grill I'd never be able to relax.

OP posts:
Thepilotlightsgoneout · 16/05/2020 15:54

I don’t know why you’d add something to your garden that is a known danger to young children, when you could just, you know, not.

DeRigueurMortis · 16/05/2020 16:01

We have a massive pond in our garden.

It was there when we bought the house and the kids were small.

We just installed a safety grill over it - the proper ones are strong enough to stand on. It was pricy but that was mainly because our pond is very big.

Lots of people suggested we fill it in but I'm so glad we didn't it's a lovely part of the garden and the kids used to love feeding the fish, seeing the tadpoles etc when they were small.

Upshot is I think ponds a great for small children as long as you invest in a proper safety grill.

pussycatinboots · 16/05/2020 16:04

pondsafety.com/

Cherrysoup · 16/05/2020 16:05

Locked grille would be perfectly safe.

YinMnBlue · 16/05/2020 16:05

The grids are really safe. An adult can jump on them and not fall through. Friends had a pond with a grid when my DC were toddlers, never worried about it at all.

A shallow wildlife pond with water plants will attract loads of lovely birds, frogs etc. I think it’s a lovely thing for kids to be part of.

jane1956 · 16/05/2020 17:03

we had a cover made of wood and mettle mesh can walk on it so sturdy. v heavy so grandchildren couldn't lift it. love our pond but obviously love grandchildren more, but they have been safe when at ours also the mesh keeps cats and heron off the pond

LannieDuck · 16/05/2020 17:28

I absolutely wouldn't. When we moved house with a 3-year old, there was a lovely one with a rive at the bottom of the garden - it was an easy 'no' from us.

He needs to wait 5 years and then reassess. Maybe try throwing the kids into a swimming pool and see how they cope with that.

LannieDuck · 16/05/2020 17:28
  • a river
BabbleBee · 16/05/2020 17:31

I grew up with a pond in the garden - a big, deep pond. No accidents, ever.

My DCs go to my parent’s house where there is a small but relatively deep pond in the garden. No accidents.

Intastellaburst · 16/05/2020 17:31

We have a small pond in our garden, it was already there. Have two small kids, a baby and a four year old. I’ve never been able to get my eldest to stay away from me for a moment ever since he could walk, so it’s not been an issue. Where I am, they are too. Even if we didn’t have one he wouldn’t be alone in the garden. It has been lovely feeding the fish together and watching frogs. Ponds can have benefits for kids too.

Valkadin · 16/05/2020 17:40

You can drown in just a couple of inches of water there was a lovely mnetter on here some years ago whose DS had died drowning in an incredibly shallow bit of water in an accident where he had probably knocked himself out, he was a young adult and not a small child.

Many people have said ponds are lovely and no accidents. Reminds me of DH saying he had never had a car accident until he did, only minor and he was fine. Thing is he drives to work and that job pays our bills, you don’t actually need a pond.

FlaskMaster · 16/05/2020 17:43

Chris Packham was saying the other day the best thing you can do for wildlife is sink a washing up bowl into your lawn, keep it topped up with water and put a stone or something in so bugs and newts and frogs can climb in and out. That could be a good, safe compromise.

Purpleartichoke · 16/05/2020 17:43

A pond will massively extend the age at which you must constantly supervise your children outside. One of the perks of an enclosed garden is being able to run inside and grab something When they can be trusted for 60 seconds and eventually
To be able to stay inside peaking out the windows occasionally. The day I realized I could go inside and cook dinner and dd could keep playing was amazing. A pond would make that a pipe dream.

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