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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is shit?

26 replies

LazyLockdown · 15/05/2020 18:52

I've just told dp my oldest friend, since 5 yrs old, attempted suicide two days ago. He asked,
"Hospital or dead?"
I said hospital and he replied "Ah"

Nothing else. I know I'm not the one needing sympathy, but I wanted.. something? Am I being over sensitive given the circumstances, or is that completely shit?

OP posts:
Lynda07 · 15/05/2020 18:53

It was a shit response but some people do react like that, they honestly don't know what to say. It doesn't mean he is callous, just can't process the news.

Puds11 · 15/05/2020 18:54

That’s an odd response! Is he generally insensitive?

Sorry about your friend. I hope you’re both ok Flowers

RedRedWines · 15/05/2020 18:56

It’s a very odd response, surely you wouldn’t have said attempted if the answer was the latter?

IndiaMay · 15/05/2020 18:56

If they are quite emotionally shut down in general dont take it personally. That is their way. If you would like them to change, cool down a bit and talk about it later. I am aware I can be the same sometime as I find emotion and pain so difficult to talk about, i become blade, cold and methodical.

IndiaMay · 15/05/2020 18:56

Blase

pussycatinboots · 15/05/2020 18:57

Bloody hell. He's a catch, isn't he.
Flowers I hope your friend is ok, and receives all the care and support she needs.

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 18:59

Is he often like that when you need him?

Or just around matters of death?

So sorry about your friend, hope they get well soon. How totally shattering for you. 💐

CHIRIBAYA · 15/05/2020 19:01

Many people cannot handle discussing suicide. I hope your friend pulls through this and that you have people you can talk to for support.

bunbunbun · 15/05/2020 19:03

Jesus Christ what a strange response. Is he usually so unfeeling?

chunkyrun · 15/05/2020 19:06

I'm autistic and can be very to the point. Doesn't mean I'm uncaring. Is he similar?rather than beat around the bush? Does he show he cares in other ways?

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 15/05/2020 19:06

That’s an appalling response!!

Sexnotgender · 15/05/2020 19:07

That’s absolutely appalling.

I’m so sorry is your friend ok?

recycledteenager24 · 15/05/2020 19:07

awful news about your friend, hope they get the support and help they need at this difficult time.
l'm sang froid too, it just how i am with a very dark sense of humour, the adult dc have it too, we have some very strange convos, sometimes forgetting we might be over heard. Blush

Original poster
LazyLockdown · 15/05/2020 19:11

Thank you everyone. Yes he's usually a bit uncaring to be honest, not sure why I expected anything else.

I'm not being rude if I don't reply now, I think I'll have an early night.

OP posts:
ViciousJackdaw · 15/05/2020 19:18

I'm not being rude if I don't reply now

Was this a text conversation then, not in person?

Original poster
LazyLockdown · 15/05/2020 19:19

Sorry I meant I'm not being rude if i don't reply to this thread. It was an in person conversation.

OP posts:
userxx · 15/05/2020 19:24

Brutal

onalongsabbatical · 15/05/2020 19:31

You sound like you're in shock OP, and he sounds, at the very least, out of his depth.
Hope you feel better tomorrow and can support your friend, too. Flowers

UnaCorda · 15/05/2020 19:33

That was a little brusque.

Is there a background? Does this friend drag you and your DH into all sorts of drama or make huge demands on your time? Does he dislike her for some other reason? Or is he just being an insensitive twat?

My brother-in-law had a very demanding friend and my sister moaned about him quite often as it took up a lot of his time. However when the friend did eventually kill himself she was very supportive.

HarderToBreath · 15/05/2020 19:48

Jesus.
I know some people struggle with being supportive but that is so shit I would block. You can’t give them head space at this time.

I’ve had someone in hospital after attempting suicide. My message was mostly sorry, I’m here for them, I love them and I’m sorry they are suffering and I’m here-any time -if they need me.

@LazyLockdown you don’t need to reply here at all. We know you aren’t rude.
If you need any help or support there are sites listed here, I know Samaritans & mind have email options so you don’t have to phone. I hope things are easier soon Flowers

www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/mental-health-helplines/

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 15/05/2020 19:55

Yup. Along the lines of what others have said, I'm Aspy and this would be my exact response.

I don't know the person involved, so it's 'news', and no more emotive than finding out interest rates in Guatemala have risen by 0.1%

bunbunbun · 15/05/2020 19:55

I hope your friend is ok Thanks

LivingThatLockdownLife · 15/05/2020 20:00

To be fair I wouldn't know what to say either. Maybe "that's crap" but beyond that wouldn't know how to respond.

You might get a better response out of him if you can articulate to him what you want from him. If he's otherwise a caring chap and supports you he might welcome the opportunity to be supportive in a way you find meaningful. E.g. you might just want him to listen while you talk, or offer a hug, or cook dinner while you ring friend.

PicsInRed · 15/05/2020 20:00

Thank you everyone. Yes he's usually a bit uncaring to be honest, not sure why I expected anything else.

That's the answer lovely.

Have you thought about leaving? He sounds absolutely awful. What's even the point? You take care of him and he won't even try to bother to come up with some comforting words and a cuppa when your close friend attempts suicide. You're worth so much more than running after an uncaring lump.

What is the point of him?

georgialondon · 15/05/2020 20:02

Many people don't know how to react to stuff like this.