Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be annoyed DP viewing properties without me knowing?

69 replies

knickersinatwis · 15/05/2020 03:39

Been with DP for 3 years and I’m 8 months pregnant.

We were planning on buying a house together this year until my financial situation changed. He now wants to buy a family home for us through his business. I’m not comfortable with this for many reasons including financial security, business is 50/50 split with his business partner and the house not being in my name should we separate. I have told him we will wait to buy until my situation changes and I’m happy where we are for now.

I just discovered he’s been booking viewings for local properties without me knowing and not even asking my opinion on them first or discussing it with me.

AIBU to be pissed off about this?

OP posts:

Hont1986 · 15/05/2020 03:43

So the house would belong to his company, not him personally? Seems like an odd arrangement.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 03:43

If he's just looking I don't see the harm. It's not like he was going to just buy one without telling you.
It's just like window shopping. Just getting a feel for what's out there perhaps

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/05/2020 03:44

He's setting himself up to exclude you.

I'd be making very sure I had assets and income of my own.

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 03:46

I have told him we will wait to buy until my situation changes and I’m happy where we are for now
I dont see any compromise either. You told him you've both to wait and you are happy where you are.

Maybe he didn't like being told that and fancied a look anyway.

Rainbowqueeen · 15/05/2020 03:46

I’d be worried about your financial position definitely. It sounds like you’re not married?? It also sounds like he is looking to buy by himself and exclude you. He doesn’t necessarily see you as a team.
I’d be wary

smeerf · 15/05/2020 03:48

If his business bought a property that wasn't commercial, then you'd presumably have to pay the business market rent? I know loads of business owners and no one does this.

Why aren't you married/getting married if you're carrying his baby?

1300cakes · 15/05/2020 03:49

If he's just looking I don't see the harm. I'm also in the market and I admit I have secretly looked at a few places on my own. The reason being if I don't like them, we wont be buying it, so no point wasting both our times or potentially getting in to a situation where one loves it and the other doesn't.

Original poster

knickersinatwis · 15/05/2020 03:50

@Hont1986 Yes to his company that is also half owned by someone else. This is why I said no.

He might just be getting a feel but we should be doing that together.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 03:51

I think it's fine to have a look independently. You can also have a look too... to get an idea of what you'd like amd where. Nothing is even nearly set in stone.

Original poster

knickersinatwis · 15/05/2020 03:56

Oh I am very cautious. Wouldn’t ever put myself in that situation hence why I told him no.

I also didn’t know buying a residential property could work through a business but he I adamant that it can.

Was planning on waiting until after marriage for a baby but life happened I guess.

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 15/05/2020 04:01

Obviously you can't and won't agree for him to buy a house you have no financial ties to, and he would be mad to assume you would be OK with that.
But I wouldn't worry about him just having a look. It's no harm. He may soon get bored of it anyway knowing he can't actually buy one without you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/05/2020 04:16

Well you cant stop him buying it. Its his business and his risk to take, especially if he is paying for it but his business partner will own half of it with no financial input into the property.

But you can refuse to live in it.

My concern is that doing this would leave him unable to then buy a family home with you in the traditional way.

Alittleshortforaspacepooper · 15/05/2020 04:19

You're completely justified in not wanting to live in a house that he's bought through his business, but I don't think it's a big deal tha tt he's been to look at some properties. We're a good 2 or 3 years off buying a new home and I have still been to the occasional open house if it was of interest to me. I wouldn't dream of agreeing to buy somewhere without full involvement from my DH, but I would see no harm in looking at stuff.

Josette77 · 15/05/2020 04:41

How long are you thinking it will take for your financial situation to change?

isabellerossignol · 15/05/2020 04:48

Your financial situation seems worrying, but the actual viewing of property isn't necessarily an issue. I viewed our house on my own without telling my husband. He wasn't interested in it but I thought it was worth a look. Turns out I was right, so I convinced him to view it too.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 15/05/2020 04:50

sounds odd - i think there is a stamp duty surcharge - and business partner/co director owning half. if it's a bit of a pipe dream, not a concern, but if it drifts anywhere near reality i'd be concerned.

FortunesFave · 15/05/2020 05:39

Tell him you want to book to see a legal advisor together...to talk it all through.

His reaction will tell you everything. It sounds like he's trying to protect his money.

If you have money to buy a house then you can get married.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/05/2020 05:56

If the business has enough money to buy a residential property, this means it is definitely profitable and would indicate to me your dp has the resources to buy a mortgaged house himself. Buying property is a way of reducing corporation tax bills. If he and his business partner want to do this and rent out or renovate and don’t out or sell, that is their choice. However it is very controlling to insist you live there.

I wouldn’t be happy and agree if he has the cash to buy a house, he has the money to pay for your wedding.

tara66 · 15/05/2020 05:59

Will that be ''it'' then if he gets a house through the business or is it just a business event/investment? The tax situation will be different if property is sold as a ''business'' rather than principle private residence which has no tax. I.E. will you/he then buy another house together later?

peperethecat · 15/05/2020 06:00

It sounds like he's trying to set things up to ensure that he gets everything if you split. What would he say if you say you were worried about your financial security and would like to go down to the registry office and do a quick legal wedding ASAP?

SeriouslyRetro · 15/05/2020 06:04

Does he want to marry you/do you want to marry him?

You can’t stop him from buying property, he can’t force you to live there.
If he moved out of your rented accommodation, could you afford to live independently?

IncrediblySadToo · 15/05/2020 06:07

Are you in England?

He's not acting like there's much 'we' in this relationship.

LellyMcKelly · 15/05/2020 06:13

Are you sure he’s intending for you to move with him?

Bluntness100 · 15/05/2020 06:15

Is the business the type where buying a property would be normal, Ie rental etc? Is he registering it as a business premises?

If not then I’d assume he’s just buying it on his own and doesn’t wish you on the deeds.

Booboostwo · 15/05/2020 06:19

I know this sounds awful but my first thought was, is he preparing to leave you and move out?

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread