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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My child has been selected for a Covid test!

408 replies

Livingmybestliferight · 13/05/2020 13:26

He's 10. Does not want to do it. Am wondering why they are doing this and whether it has anything to do with schools opening or not?! Would I be unreasonable to refuse this opportunity?

OP posts:
Mistigri · 13/05/2020 21:01

I don't think a medical professional would or should swab an unwilling 10 year old child in these circumstances. I might try to persuade my child that it was worthwhile and explain the scientific rationale, but I would absolutely never force them.

(Would be different if the child had symptoms and a test was required to make the right medical decisions.)

heartsonacake · 13/05/2020 21:08

You'd force him down, would you?

acatcalledjohn If necessary, yes. But if OP is considering allowing him to refuse that means she’s used to him refusing to do things regularly.

I don’t allow that. The vaccine would be non-negotiable. What the parent says, goes.

acatcalledjohn · 13/05/2020 21:10

You'd force him down for a test that is purely voluntary?

So it's not voluntary.

That is abuse.

heartsonacake · 13/05/2020 21:16

acatcalledjohn Oh really? Every time a parent makes a child do something they don’t want to they are abusing their child?

Yeah, that’s why there are so many snowflakes around today.

acatcalledjohn · 13/05/2020 21:25

You are deluded. Forcing someone, in this case a child, to endure a medical procedure that is a) voluntary and b) not required for his personal wellbeing/health then yes, that is abuse.

We are not talking about necessary medical intervention, which would be different.

Nothing to do with being snowflakes.

We may as well do away with bodily autonomy.

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 21:28

Well, it's hardly a medical procedure... Technically, maybe. But honestly, a couple of seconds of your life, with no blood spilt. Not even a plaster necessary.
No need for such drama.

LilQueenie · 13/05/2020 21:36

If he is anxious about it I would refuse. let them choose someone else who can cope more easily with it. Some adults have reported it as being not very nice.

acatcalledjohn · 13/05/2020 21:37

The drama is caused by forcing someone to do it against their will.

The nasal swab freaks me out and you'd have to sedate me to be able to handle that. If I was forced to have it done to me the drama would be off the scale.

And I'm pretty good, generally. Just not with that.

Lougle · 13/05/2020 21:44

It's really not a big deal. I've just done my own swab for the second time. Yes, I gagged, and yes, my eyes watered, but it wasn't painful, just uncomfortable.

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 21:52

Well, please don't extrapolate that sort of drama to everybody else, acatcalledjohn. Most people wouldn't have an issue with it at all, never mind needing sedation!

ChristmasFluff · 13/05/2020 22:01

He's 10.

He has rights over his own body.

And he deserves to know that his parents will have his back. Explain it to him, but I would very much explain it from the point of view that I am NOT trying to persuade him, only to give him a fuller picture than he may already have, to allow him to make the best decision for him.

At 10, a health professional is highly unlikely to perform a test on him that he does not consent to anyway, since it is of no direct health benefit to him.

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 22:06

You make it sound like a violation. Very strange.

coronabeer23 · 13/05/2020 22:11

DD also been selected and is doing it (age 14). I’m delighted. She was really really ill in mid Feb, sicker than I have ever seen her, she had 10 days off school and I’ve been desperate to know if it was Corona. If she is positive it will suggest it has been active for a good while. My other 2 were also ill the same week but less seriously

Thisismytimetoshine · 13/05/2020 22:12

And he deserves to know that his parents will have his back
They're not trying to harvest his dna, or steal a kidney Hmm.

AndMyHairWillShineLikeTheSea · 13/05/2020 22:14

@coronabeer23 I think the test only shows if she currently has it?

Lweji · 13/05/2020 22:18

OP, explain what the test is for and how it's done, calmly. Answer any questions. Give him some time to think. Reassure him as much as possible.

Then accept his answer, whatever it is.

EllaPaella · 13/05/2020 22:25

My son has been selected for the React study as well, he's 5. We will give it a try, if he can't tolerate it we won't force it but I would like to do something to help in research if possible.

Hairyfairy01 · 13/05/2020 22:32

I have been tested for covid at a nhs testing centre and the swab really makes you gag, it took them a few attempts. It's certainly not something I would willingly subject my children too, nor would I think I would be capable of doing the test correctly. I would also be interested in knowing how reliable such tests are when the current tests for testing covid are currently giving about a 30% false negative.

ECBC · 13/05/2020 22:41

Is convince him to do it. It’s not awful. It’s for the benefit of others. It’s only as big a deal as you make it

Cactuslove · 13/05/2020 22:51

I would give him some age appropriate and accessible information about it and let him make an informed choice. Because ultimately it is his choice.

heartsonacake · 13/05/2020 23:58

acatcalledjohn Ahh, I see. You’re letting your anxiety cloud your judgement and projecting your irrational and unnecessary panic onto others.

acatcalledjohn · 14/05/2020 00:28

No I'm not. I'm all for explaining the point of the study to give them a full understanding, but I draw the line at forcing anyone to have anything done without their explicit consent.

Pinning down a child to have their nose swabbed for nothing other than a scientific study is the kind of thing that would happen in North Korea.

TerrorWig · 14/05/2020 00:41

Jesus Christ, people are scared of spiders - but a kid feeling upset about a test where your throat is swabbed and the back of your nose must be because the mum is ‘passing on her fears’? Get real.

I’d encourage him to do it, but I wouldn’t force him.

Sh05 · 14/05/2020 01:17

@Cattermole
I know I'm a bit late to the conversation but I had the same thought before giving myself a shake!

Sh05 · 14/05/2020 01:33

My dd who is 14 has been chosen as well. She's very squeamish even hates the dentist. She initially said no straight away but then said she's thinking about it.
I've told her it's entirely up to her. It's a test to see if they have it not that they might have had it already and I doubt it she has as we've been homeschooling and wfh since lockdown, only shop once a week where only I go. On our walks we've hardly encountered anyone so very unlikely she has it.
I will leave it to her and so should you.