Who takes priority?

[Festivemama]

I’m 20 weeks pregnant with my first child and struggling with sciatica. Had a second trimester loss last year so coupled with COVID, I’m also struggling with anxiety when going out.

I’m on furlough and have been making a point of shielding, e.g. husband has been doing the shopping and I’m only leaving the house for a daily walk.

I had to go to the post office this morning to mail a cheque as my husband is back at work. The queue was outside and even though it was sunny, it started hailing so I was already a bit annoyed. Finally got towards the front of the queue (which was at the entrance to the post office) after about 10 mins and an elderly lady walked up and was trying to cut in front of me in line. I didn’t let her cut in because I was tired and already feeling like I wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. Got loads of dirty looks from the employee once I got to the counter as they obviously knew her as a regular and the employee was making a point of shouting across me to chat with her and just ignored me aside from telling me the price.

Normally I would let an elderly person in front but just couldn’t be bothered today. Which made me think - who takes priority? Pregnant or elderly? Or am I just a grumpy tw*t?

Sometimes I offer for someone to cut in front of me. However, that is at MY choosing if they try to cut in I tell them no. If someone asks I may do so I may not.. Depends on how I am feeling. I expect them to accept it if I say " sorry not today" I do not like entitlement. In your situation, I would also have made a very sarcastic comment to the person serving me at the end.

I don't know the answer to your question.
What I do know is that you currently don't get people offering their seat on a bus to you, a lot of park benches are covered in tape to stop you sitting down, your maternity benefits with regards to free dental care etc aren't relevant anymore, lots of classes and opportunities to exercise little and often are closed...
... in your circumstance I would not have queued. I would have walked past the que, used their facilities and then gone up to security and told them that I was now going to shop rather than queue to shop.
It would also have meant you were not in direct competition for a spot in the que with a golden oldie.

in your circumstance I would not have queued. I would have walked past the que, used their facilities and then gone up to security and told them that I was now going to shop rather than queue to shop

That would have been entitled as fuck and if I had been in the queue, it would be me posting a thread here about it.

The elderly can be entitled as fuck at times

Wait until you're past 70 ... you'd better hope you remain in tip-top physical health.

I love MN ageism.

Neither being pregnant nor being 'elederly' gives any priority, so in this case I agree with your action and I'm 72, having been pregnant twice!

The elderly can be entitled as fuck at times

No more than those who think that choosing to be pregnant is an illness!

It's not just the entitled elderly - spent twenty minutes in a supermarket queue to be confronted by a woman who thought she was entitled to wander in without queuing - because she had four children with her.
No idea whether she succeeded in queue barging further back, but not in front of me!

I then upset the queue by returning with the trolley, asking the person in charge of the queue if I could have a spray of his anti-bac stuff (having buried mine underneath shopping) to have him explain it was trolley anti-bac, and guide me inside to use the hand sanitiser.

She should have been polite and asked if she could push in. There is also the danger of not social distancing if someone pushes infront of you, ie. it could be less than 2m distance between you and her.

If there is no one behind you in the queue then it's up to you if you let someone else go first BUT if there is a line of people behind you then you are making a decision which affects them, you have no idea about the health of anyone else in the queue so for that reason I believe in first come first served. You shouldn't make a choice to feel good about yourself at the expense of others just because you're worried some people may judge you.

Nrtft, but just because she was elderly doesn't 1. Give her the right to be rude and 2. Mean she's in poor health.

No more than those who think that choosing to be pregnant is an illness!

The op was at the front of the queue! She didn’t need to move for anybody. Pregnancy itself isn’t an illness but it does cause illnesses and ailments that the pregnant woman wouldn’t have had if she wasn’t pregnant. The OP has sciatica, why should she let people push in front of her in the queue when she’s waited patiently herself while having to cope with that? Is it because she’s younger than the rude woman perhaps? 🤔

Mean she's in poor health

And 1) Pregnancy isn't an illness
2) depending on what is meant by 'elderly' age can mean you are i) less than steady on your feet; ii) easily tired especially by standing iii) vulnerable because of limited eyesight or hearing

These things can be invisible.

I remember once town-planners (or was it care workers) were trained to try to understand what public space was like for the elderly by walking along the street wearing snorkelling googles, Marigold style rubber gloves and shoes with pebbles in them. THis was to give them a sense of the way that age-related physical degeneration can affect people.

You'd better hope you'll be old one day. The alternative is worse.

No one except for the person 'working the door' should be allowing people to queue jump. And even in that case it should be for serious medical reasons that make queuing very difficult/dangerous, not just it would make life easier for them as guess what, skipping the queue would make life easier for everyone, you only need this easing if you can't cope with traditional queuing/it would be dangerous for you to do so.

If you are at the front of the queue and let someone in front of you it might only add 5 extra minutes to your day but in the big supermarket queues there has been if every 5th person let someone queue jump it could add an hour+ to the person who has gone and joined the back of the queue.

If someone really has a reason to queue jump they can go to the front and quietly and politely explain their reason to the person running the queue and then they can work within their training to decide at their discretion whether to let you in immediately or after the next wave of people or if you're being precious/a CF and can go queue like everyone else.

To anyone who says 'I don't have to explain myself/my medical condition to anyone', quite simply, you are wrong. If you want the special treatment you have to provide justification for this. You can do this quietly and discretely by presenting an official letter/badge or having a quiet chat but you still have to do so. Obviously you're explanation does not have to go to the whole queue or even the person you are directly going ahead of but to the person who is making the official decision as to whether you're reasoning warrant queue jumping. That person should the practice discretion and not share these reasons with anyone unnecessary.

The only exception to this rule is when you are in a queue already and let the person immediately behind you go in front as the only person this adds to the queuing time of is yourself.

why does it matter whether anyone thinks pregnancy is an illness or not? The OP was at the front of the queue. She had queued just like everyone else and it was her turn next.

Just like the elderly woman should have done. Or do some people seem to think that the elderly should somehow be exempt from queuing now?

The person who has behaved most badly is the cashier though. They behaved totally unprofessionally.

The person who takes priority is the one who gets there first. Bloody hate queue jumpers.

Doesn't matter whether OP is 20 weeks, 40 weeks or not pregnant at all; the woman breaching social distancing while trying to queue jump was totally in the wrong. She should have respected the 2m rule and, most importantly, if possessed of the power of speech, she should have used it!

If she had acknowledged OP politely and asked if she could go in front, both of them might have made a friend. Instead it's misplaced entitlement, resentment, glares, ill-feeling and partisanship. How sad to reach old age with so few social skills and graces...