Genuine mistake or is he lying? AIBU

[BlossomHill2020]

Currently separated but got back together before lockdown and we’re not living together.

Called him yesterday at 12 to talk about the DC, I could hear he was sleeping and I’ve woken him up. We talk back and forth for a few mins, he then gets annoyed and hangs up on me.

I text him an hour later asking why he hanged up on me and how rude and disrespectful that was. He reads my message at 3pm and doesn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Until I text him at 10pm saying maybe it was a bad idea that we got back together etc, he’s confused and asked what he’s done? He says he doesn’t remember talking to me and must have opened my message in his sleep and didn’t read it properly? How is that possible when he read my message at 3pm and I called him at 12 and texted at 1pm? He must have been fully awake at 3pm? I’m annoyed that he didn’t even reach out to me all day even though you can see the last message the person sent you.

I don’t know if AIBU or I should just let it go and it’s just a genuine mistake. He’s done this twice before, just put the phone down on me and this is on a normal day where he’s fully awake. Just tired of the disrespect tbh.

Does he work night shifts or WhT is he still in bed at 12-3pm? Does he take dc?

I'd set some clear ground rules but it sounds like he's fobbing you off. It would be a no from me

Can I ask how long you were together before you separated and how that works if you were married have children etc x

I've had full blown conversations with my OH before where I've still actually been "asleep" and have no recollection later.

OH says that on occasion she has realised I'm still asleep when I start talking about bizarre things that have no relevance.

@saffy1234 we've been married for 7 years.

Tbf I could easily do that and have done on many an occasion.

Doesn’t ring true to me. I just think he couldn’t be arsed explaining his rudeness. Does that seem like something he would do? Why did you split?

Does he work shifts?

He got annoyed at you and deliberately hung up when you were discussing the children?

That's the oddest bit.

You pointing out that hanging up on you was rude is bonkers. Nobody thinks it is a polite way to end a conversation. He ignores you.

Then you text him a break up text. He calls and pretends he never had the slightest idea that hanging up on people is bad.

A very unhealthy dynamic all round.

You don't even mention if you resolved your actual disagreement about the children.

My OH has entire conversations with me about something then later on asks me a question about the thing we have already discussed. He has a memory like a seive. I can also hold perfectly logical conversations with him at night of which he has no recollection at all in the morning as he was asleep the entire time. So yes, your OH could easily not remember doing something when half asleep/ just woken up.

My dad would always fall asleep in the afternoon when he couldn’t be arsed and had had a bad day at work. He’d take my to my grans and fall asleep in the couch. It’s entirely possible he’s telling the truth. Not sure about the hanging up though.

If it's not an excuse he'd get away with with his boss, then you know for sure he's bullshitting with you. What a crock of shit he's fed you.

He is possibly working to a different time scale..
You seem very caught up in the timings of when everything happened.
He can’t read your mind and know that you are expecting certain things at certain times.

@YouJustDoYou
You forgot LTB
😆

Oh for goodness' sake. Either you trust him, in which case you believe him and you can get on with your lives, or you don't trust him, in which case LTB.

If I was asleep and you woke me, younwould get little sense from me, prob hand up and go back to sleep. If.phone beeped I'd look at it check it was important and go back to sleep

I have answered my phone in my sleep before after a night shift and came too with my phone to my ear. Ive maybe read a message, fell back to sleep and forgot about it when ive surfaced

I've had full blown conversations with my DP in my sleep and not recalled it at all afterwards and vice versa. Completely possible.

I've had conversations with DH in my sleep before and vice versa. I've also sleep messaged many times too. I've text my sister before asking if she felt an earthquake. She had no idea what I was on about and I had no idea either when she phoned me to ask about said earthquake. I also text my husband once asking about the man that performed a dance at our wedding, once again no such man existed. I'm not saying that is what has happened here, but it isn't impossible.

This seems like an awful lot of angst over whether he saw a message or not. Is he worth it?

You dont seem to be surprised at him sleeping so late, does he work late/night shifts?

If he works nights then YABU as 12pm-3pm is effectively midnight - 3am. If someone called me at midnight, I'd probably seem coherent but would be in no way awake enough to take in any information. If I got a text a while later then i might wake up enough to read/check it wasnt an emergency then go back to sleep and then when i wake up properly i no longer have the notification, nor the half awake memory, to remind me of the message.