Tik Tok

[fortifiedwithtea]

For background DD2 is 17 years old, has a learning disability and is diagnosed as Bi-polar and has frequent periods of psychosis. Believe me life with her is bloody tough.

I own an ipad, its mine. I bought it as a tool for my work. However I allow DD2 to use it when its convenient. She has her own phone but no social media on it as she can’t cope.

She is currently psychotic again.

For my own entertainment I downloaded the tiktok app. Dd2 doesn’t like it at all but constantly watches over my shoulder. Told her if she didn’t like it she didn’t have to watch, go and do something else.

Yesterday she was on the ipad. This morning I have noticed she has deleted tiktok.

WIBU to reinstate the app? Do I remind her its my ipad and I’m free to download whatever I like. Any apps she doesn’t like she need not open.

While it's your property, if you love your daughter and allow her to use your ipad, I would not have anything triggering on there for her. It's easy to say, don't govon the app if you don't like it, but social media is tempting and addictive.

I'd say, the only resolution is too not let her use your iPad at all or get her her own device and monitor her usage.

I use tiktok, 90% of the time I find it entertaining, but 10% of the time it's awful. there are some awful trends going round with users posting videos pretending to be mentally unwell or physically disabled then 'revealing' it was a gag. Absolutely disgusting. It may be that your daughter has seen or heard of that and so on principal doesn't want anyone using the app.

I'd say in this case let it slide. Usually of course someone shouldn't delete someone else's apps but she's unwell, I'd let it go.

Could you have a calm chat to understand her reasoning, and potentially use it on your phone when she's not in the room instead?

Cant you find something else to "amuse" you? I could understand if it was Facebook where you kept up to date with family and friends but TikTok?

Why just not download tiktok on your phone?

Tiktok is so addictive! I know why you've got it!

What about installing it, but putting it inside a folder that's got a boring name?

It's your iPad. If you're not liking those horrible trends, you're very unlikely to come across them. I don't think it's fair that your escapism is curtailed by her.

If she keeps deleting it, keep reinstalling it, but just don't get angry.

If it gets too much, then you can earn her that it's your iPad and her use of it is a privilege.

If it's stressing your DD out that much, I would remove it. I found a lot of content to be teenagers/z list celebs doing the latest dance craze, honestly don't think your missing out on much.
However if you want to keep it, would getting a cheap tablet for your daughter with tight restrictions on what she can view and apps she can download be an option?

It is your iPad. I agree put it in a boring folder.

But honestly, question your life choices re TikTok

YANBU. I would just restrict her use of it. Keep it in your room out of her reach.

Unfortunately my phone is a worse option as I have the Calms app on my phone. She uses that to have a good nights sleep.

She has her own phone but has declared she doesn’t like it. Its another thing she is suspicious off. Doesn’t believe its hers etc. Its been hidden away in her sister’s room until she is stable again.

For my own sanity I need an escape. In 2017 my daughter was sectioned. Neither of us will ever get over that experience. I am so terrified that she will end up in hospital again I feel shaky and my heart is racing from the moment I wake up.

I would find something else to entertain yourself. A bit of Tik Tok isn't worth risking your dd mental health.

Could you put the calm app on the iPad? And leave your phone for your use?

If you really must use it, why not install it, then hide it in a folder named as something else?

Meant to add to my other message, I'm so sorry you're going through this difficult time, hoping things improve for you both

A kindle fire mini is around £50. Could you buy her one of these and then your iPad is your own.

I wonder why tic took irrates her.
Leave it deleted or put ur in a sub folder if it has triggered her.
It could be the crazy makeup, the beautiful people, or a creepy video.
I understand she is hard to live with but pick your battles.

I would hide it in a folder, on the second or third page. You might be able to rename it something else. Then just watch it when she’s not around.

It is, of course, your iPad but if it’s triggering for her I would just be discreet about using it.

You can stop apps being deleted on your iPad, it’s under the restriction section in settings.

If you want to download it again and stop it from being deleted then perhaps that is your way forward, and perhaps hide it in a folder so she doesn’t see it on the main screen.