To drop a note through neighbours door

[WokeUpSmeltTheCoffee]

Or should I call 101?
Or do nothing?

Lived in this terraced house 15years and had same male neighbour all that time. We are on cordial terms eg take in parcels but not friendly. The walls are thin and we can hear crying children and normal household noise from both sides but have got used to it.

In that time he's had at least 3 female partners and IMHO has been borderline abusive to them all.
He shouts, screams, swears, calls them foul names but I have no evidence of anything physical apart from one occasion when I did call 999 after he had kicked his pregnant partner out in the garden at night, barefoot and was shoving her. Police came and she went with them and she left him shortly afterwards thank god.

His current partner he's been with a few years but since lockdown things are really bad. For hours and hours every day I can hear him shouting, swearing and calling her every name under the sun. I find it really disturbing (brings up long past experiences for me) and I have been in tears over it.

On the other hand DH and the kids don't seem to notice as much as I do (although they can hear it and will mention it) so maybe I am oversensitive
I do hear her shouting back at him too although not as much as he shouts
I have no evidence of anything physical going on.
Maybe it's none of my business but I really wish it would stop.

I have thought of putting a note through asking her if she is Ok but shamefully I don't know her name only his.

I have thought of a note to him to let him know we can hear and asking him to tone it down but would that make it worse for her?

Occasionally I wonder about calling police but I guess shouting and swearing is not an offence.

Coronavirus complicated things as I can't really ask her round for tea and he is always there.

So IABU to drop a note and will only make it worse/ none of my business
or IANBU I should try to help in some way

They just started shouting at each other again right now and that follows on from a few hours worth around tea time. 'You f* stupid bitch will you just shut the f up' is the sort of thing. She does shout back 'no you shut up' but it's mostly him.

@biglouis In big trouble for what? Reporting domestic abuse? Unfortunately my neighbour took your attitude when she saw my ex-husband throwing me round like a ragdoll. When the police arrested him, nobody had actually "seen" it as neighbour didn't approach me about it until some time later. Ex got a caution but could not be charged without witnesses and our 2 year old wasn't reliable enough. I can't tell you how devastated I was and what he's got away with since (even though we are now divorced). I literally can't understand anybody who would stand by and not speak up.

I'm glad you reported, OP. I wish someone had done the same when my ex verbally abused me, sometimes for a couple of hours at a time if he was pissed.

I might have come to my senses and found a way of getting him out of the house (solely in my name), instead of enduring it for years.

Please do the same, but using 999, if it starts up again.

@WokeUpSmeltTheCoffee I agree to keep ringing the police everytime and would also try to record what you hear as evidence and send to /show the police if necessary.

I didn't get a call/ email or anything from the police today so maybe last night's 5 minute visit is it.

Have been at work all day and DH says no knock or note or anything from neighbours thank goodness

I can hear some mildly heated two way discussion from next door right now but nothing I would be concerned about if I wasn't already a bit on edge so am going to try to ignore.

If there is any more abusive shouting I will report again.

If the male next door is that short tempered he could come after you if you intervene. Discretion is the better part of valour.

@biglouis Seriously? You'd stand back and do nothing? Would that apply to child abuse too?

Many years ago I intervened on behalf of a neighbour in an explosive situation and it brought me no end of trouble which I wont go into here. Eventually I left the area because of the resulting harassment. It taught me to have as little as possible to do with neighbours, to mind my own business and keep my mouth shut.

Nowadays I would ask myself would this person do the same for me? The answer is usually no.

When you are a single female living alone in a large tough city you have to put yourself first and protect yourself. As for calling the cops I would only do so if the person concerned lived far enough away that it was not immediately obvious that I was the one who had called them.

No one is going to arise and call you blessed for interfearing.

@TheFormidableMrsC I’m so sorry you had to go through that.