Do you tell your partner if they buy you something you don’t like?

[Avelosa]

It’s my birthday coming up soon. While we aren’t rolling in money, we do get by okay and have enough to buy some things we want if we want them. For birthday we both send each other links to various different things that we know we want/would use. The other one picks things so we don’t actually know what we’re getting until the day. A bit boring but it works for us as I would much rather buy/be bought something that I know will be loved and get a lot of use. I sent about 12 different options of things I specifically wanted from a site I always use, including a few pairs of shoes

DP didn’t realise he had ordered logged into my account, so I’ve seen what he’s ordered. I know he has tried to be nice, but what he’s chosen is not something I would ever wear. Think the same colour as a specific pair of shoes I linked to but a totally different style, and they are just not me at all. They’re also quite expensive, so I know it’s a waste of money especially as he has no work and no income currently due to lockdown. I know I should tell him but I feel like such a horrible person and so ungrateful!

Do you tell them or do you just suck it up and try to like what they get you as they’ve tried to surprise you?

Say they don't fit,then that they don't have your size so you exchange for the ones you liked because you love the colour.Faffy but job done and no hurt feelings.
Or tell him.

I was given so many things that I would never use that they were always returned to the shop or re-gifted to his family, didn't have the money to waste either so they had to go.

I have tried the wish list, and it is only for small useful things these days, already have the other useful things due to making a specific mention of 'I would really like that for my birthday' etc. I did end up with substitutions of a different make or style and they have never been used because as I pointed out, it was for a specific use and it was the wrong item and wouldn't be used. In the end I just gave up trying to get through.

It is still happening to a lesser extent. I specifically request not to have anything that is not on the shopping list as I am not going shopping. I am then presented with palm oil masquerading as chocolate, no chocolate or otherwise on the list, so it gets put out for the foodbank. All these little amounts add up to something that would have been a treat in the end, rather than a heap of shit.

Apologies if I sound bitter. It is because I am. Nip it in the bud now or you with have a lifetime of stuff you don't want or need or can't afford, and stuff that his mother would like.

Awh, they’re lovely but they don’t fit right, maybe better exchanging them for a pair from * as they fit my feet better. Such a shame...

Yes I would. BUT just to soften the blow (because knowing my DP he would genuinely have tried his best and hoped I would love it) I would shit sandwich it. Something along the lines of 'oh they're beautiful! I love the colour! But I can't wear shoes with a strap like that, too uncomfortable. You weren't to know. Can totally see why you'd choose them though! Is it ok if I exchange them?'

Maybe just say it doesn't fit and return them.

My DH doesn’t buy my things. I tell him not to. If I want something i buy it myself.

We have. Ever bought each other s birthday present nor a Christmas one. Were happy with that.

I would tell him.
Me and my DH always tell each other what we want and if we don't know what we want, we always say with the gift can be returned or exchanged if the person doesn't like it. Luckily we have similar tastes so haven't had to return anything yet!

I used to get wound up around Valentine’s Day when every year I would carefully choose exquisite chocolates for DH and he would give me .... Thornton’s. One year I saw him come into the house with a Thornton’s bag and I blurted out “I hope that’s not for me - I can’t stand Thornton’s chocolate.” He mumbled something and thankfully by Feb 14 he had found the Rococo shop. And it’s been that way ever since.

In these circumstances I would tell my husband. I’d emphasise how grateful I was, how thoughtful the gift is and say something like I really do like them but I don’t think I’ll get any use out of them.

This year I’m buying my own birthday stuff as we’re both spoiling each other, he’s buying me a pandora charm which I want the rest is planner bits dvds ect.

Defo tell h8m then link really specifically next time! I’d be devastated to get the wrong thing. Me and my dh always send links of what we want, makes no sense to get something we don’t want.

@cherrysoup not sure how much more specifically I can do it as I sent him likes to the actual products in the colour/size I wanted, all he had to do was click order on that page

Could you ask if he's bought you your present yet as you have been looking at the links you sent him and now have your heart set on one pair in particular?

My partner and I only do presents on significant birthdays now it's much simpler and less stressful!

In every other relationship yes, until my now DP.

His mother is openly horrible to DP and his brother if she doesn't like what they have bought her, and sulks like a child afterwards - really shocked me first time I saw it and I felt so sorry for them. So its no skin off my nose to tell a little white lie if I'm not overly happy with a gift, just to make him feel good.

Then I can make a few quid flogging it on eBay, so everyone's a winner 😂

Yes I would tell him. I'm very picky with some stuff like handbags, shoes so unless he knows exactly which one it is I want he wouldn't get swayed by another one.
It's just a waste if I'll never use it.
I also like people to tell me if they don't like it so I can either go get something different or they can. I don't take offence

I would tell him, but he won't buy me anything unless he's sure I'll like it anyway.

What we normally do for birthdays' is go out for the day to do whatever the birthday person wants to do, and the other pays. So for my last birthday, we went shopping and out for lunch. For DH's, we went to his favourite pub and to a local bike shop and I paid for what he wanted. We set a budget and then the other person is free to choose whatever they want.

It's all joint money anyway so it's a bit redundant but it's the feeling of being treated, I think.