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Original poster

Do you tell your partner if they buy you something you don’t like?

67 replies

Avelosa · 12/05/2020 11:04

It’s my birthday coming up soon. While we aren’t rolling in money, we do get by okay and have enough to buy some things we want if we want them. For birthday we both send each other links to various different things that we know we want/would use. The other one picks things so we don’t actually know what we’re getting until the day. A bit boring but it works for us as I would much rather buy/be bought something that I know will be loved and get a lot of use. I sent about 12 different options of things I specifically wanted from a site I always use, including a few pairs of shoes

DP didn’t realise he had ordered logged into my account, so I’ve seen what he’s ordered. I know he has tried to be nice, but what he’s chosen is not something I would ever wear. Think the same colour as a specific pair of shoes I linked to but a totally different style, and they are just not me at all. They’re also quite expensive, so I know it’s a waste of money especially as he has no work and no income currently due to lockdown. I know I should tell him but I feel like such a horrible person and so ungrateful!

Do you tell them or do you just suck it up and try to like what they get you as they’ve tried to surprise you?

OP posts:
Herpesfreesince03 · 12/05/2020 12:00

I’d tell him op, you don’t need to make a big deal out of it. ‘Oh I’ve seen the shoes I think you’ve ordered for me and I don’t really like them, can we exchange them for something else’? They’re only a pair of shoes, nothing to get embarrassed about

BarbaraofSeville · 12/05/2020 12:01

Well if money is tight and he's bought something that wasn't on the list, you have to say something.

Maybe do him a new list of cheaper things and have a discussion about actually sticking to the list seeing as that is how you have agreed to do things.

billy1966 · 12/05/2020 12:19

Definitely thank him, but say they are pinching you or just not right.

I definitely wouldn't keep an expensive present and not wear them.

EmbarrassedUser · 12/05/2020 12:23

I tell DH if I don’t like things. He got me some fab birthday presents this year but one was just way off the mark. It was one of those weird card games where you get points for killing each other, 🥱 💤 😴

zigzagbetty · 12/05/2020 13:09

I would probably then just say they dont suit and change, bless him for trying though Smile

Goggle1968 · 12/05/2020 13:11

Yes definitely. He chose me a lovely bracelet once but it was a bangle that was a bit big and I knew it would just get bashed and annoy me so I swapped it for a necklace. Better that than waste the money. We also do what you do and send links to each other.

Booksandwine80 · 12/05/2020 13:13

I think it’s best to say otherwise you have to pretend to like wearing/using it. DH bought me a beautiful bracelet once, but it wasn’t the one I wanted-we went together and swapped it for the other one.

He said he preferred this to having me not wearing the original one because I didn’t really like it.

Gin4thewin · 12/05/2020 13:24

One year i sent my OH about 7 or 8 screenshots of black bags from newlook, all pretty much the same with minimal differences.
Not long before xmas i was trying to find a certain picture on the Ipad, that's also synced to his phone, and saw a screenshot of the bag he'd bought, a tiny, brown, designer bag that cost a fortune. It was ugly, not me, and nothing like what id sent him. So when i opened it xmas day i just explained to him it wasnt really my style and i appreciated the gesture. He said he wanted to get me something branded as i dont spend anything on myself which was lovely, but i did end up swapping it for something else

Waveysnail · 12/05/2020 13:33

Dh brought me a pair of bright baby pink trainers years ago. Air max. Not me at all and they cost a fortune. I had to tell him as it wasnt money we could afford to lose. He was gutted though

Silenceisnotgolden · 12/05/2020 13:36

It’s hard to be grateful for something you don’t want! This has happened to us a few times over the years - I‘m not very easy to please in terms of gifts and I like it to be right as I don’t spend loads on myself. Me and oh had a few conversations about gift buying and do the same as you; choose from the list and DO NOT DEVIATE. Just tell him.

amber763 · 12/05/2020 13:56

I wish I was able to tell my partner when I don't like his gifts but bless him I just don't have the heart. I think telling him they don't fit as posted previously was a good idea.

Dontlikeoranges · 12/05/2020 14:02

I do think it's best to say something or you end up caught in a trap of having to pretend you like things and be a bit disappointed in navy birthdays/Xmas etc.

My partner would rather I had something I really liked and would wear/use all the time than something put away in a drawer.

I do drop massive hints though and he appreciates that!

I'd probably say they weren't really comfortable, what a shame but there are these other shoes I've seen that I'd really really like....

Ninkanink · 12/05/2020 14:03

I will never understand why people do this. Why on earth did he think it was a good idea to get you something you hadn’t asked for, and completely different to what you did ask for? I guess maybe he thought he was being nice by getting you something more expensive?

I would definitely tell him that you do appreciate the thought but you’ll be returning them, or if possible could he cancel the order as you won’t wear them and it’s really a waste of money, and I wouldn’t be feeling that you’re a horrible person or ungrateful about it, nor would I be feeling guilty.

You’re ensuring that he doesn’t waste your joint money on something you don’t like and will never use.

Original poster
Avelosa · 12/05/2020 14:16

@ninkanink yes I think he thought that because they’re the same colour as something I liked and a well known designer brand that it would mean I love them, but I just don’t

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 12/05/2020 14:16

Depends, if it's expensive yes and we exchange it, if cheap no, I just say thanks

Original poster
Avelosa · 12/05/2020 14:17

@amber763 exactly, I can just imagine the disappointment as he will probably think he’s done really well and got me something I would love

OP posts:
Original poster
Avelosa · 12/05/2020 14:18

@Waveysnail funnily enough that is along similar lines to what DP has bought me

OP posts:
Original poster
Avelosa · 12/05/2020 14:19

@Gin4thewin it’s strange isn’t it, how they go for something totally opposite to what’s been asked for

OP posts:
Ninkanink · 12/05/2020 14:21

I could kind of understand if it was a branded version of the shoes you had asked for, so conceivably better quality and/or with added brand value, but it’s a bit odd to think you’d just want some random branded thing that you’ve never expressed any interest in. Is he easily impressed by brands and logos?

Anyway I’m sure he meant well. But I think you’d better just let him know that it’s best to return them. It would be a real shame to waste all that money.

Original poster
Avelosa · 12/05/2020 14:23

@ninkanink yes I could understand that too, I think it’s that I rarely buy any new shoes/clothes and have very few designer things so maybe he thought he would treat me to something more expensive than I would usually go for

OP posts:
Iwalkinmyclothing · 12/05/2020 14:26

Because I know my DH has the same taste in jewellery for me as I do for myself I am always happy to leave him to choose. But his idea of what clothes I could or would wear is mad so I would only ever ask him to buy a specific item and he would know he if deviated from it I would swap it. And books... he does not choose books for me any more since the Xmas he panic bought a book for me on the basis that he remembered me mentioning it. I had mentioned it, to say I had read the review of it in the Guardian and never wanted to read it.

If I bought him a present he didn't like I would want him to say so!

Ninkanink · 12/05/2020 14:27

Perhaps you could sit down and pick something together to the same budget, so he can feels like he still gets to make the gesture? Maybe there’s another pair of shoes or a bag (or whatever) that you really would like and that he could treat you to?

Wearywithteens · 12/05/2020 14:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Maybelatte · 12/05/2020 14:32

Yes and I have done in the past. For Christmas DH tried but really missed the mark. I pretended to be happy on Christmas Day in front of the DC but secretly was dying inside, the things he bought just weren’t me at all. We returned them a couple of days later and I chose something I actually liked.

CalmdownJanet · 12/05/2020 14:36

I would tell him now, "Hey, I saw these in the shopping basket, are these the ones you bought for my birthday? Look this is awkward but they just aren't me at all, I won't wear them and really wanted the ones I sent you the links to. I wasn't going to say anything but it would be such a waste to take them, say nothing & never wear them" don't wait until your birthday, I think say it now, he may be able to cancel the order