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AIBU?

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Original poster

I was put on this earth as a joke

72 replies

Mellonsandgrapes · 11/05/2020 15:11

My parents were alcoholics and I was neglected, didn’t have enough food to eat, dressed like a tramp, struggled at school.......no one did anything about it even my gran who I told how bad things were.

I was bullied all the way through school and also in my village, lots of people knew about it........ no one did anything about it.

I was sexually assaulted from the between the ages of 12 -14, by 2 boys from my village, people knew about it........ no one did anything about it and I couldn’t tell my parents as it would have made matters worse and I felt I couldn’t speak to them.

I was bullied in my 2 work places (I have only ever worked in 2 places).....people knew about it especially the bosses of my last work places as it was a manager who bullied me but no one did anything about it.

My husband had an affair, I want allowed to talk to him about it or to anyone else, I wasn’t allowed to mention it at all.......so I got no support, basically I wasn’t good enough for any support.

All the people who have meant to have my back have never had my back. I feel I have no support in my life now or in my past so I must have been out on this earth as a joke.

I have NC for this by the way. I don’t know what I want from this post, I could go into so much more detail for things but I won’t because well I’m not worth it. I don’t even know if anyone will read this thread but I will Put it in here anyway. I feel so let down by everyone in my life who I should have mattered to but at the end of the day I’m just not worth it.

OP posts:
oversomerainbow · 11/05/2020 15:14

You are worth it and I'm sorry you've gone through everything you have. Please push for some mental health support. Phone your GP and don't take no for an answer Flowers

Harrysmum2020 · 11/05/2020 15:14

I’m sorry you’ve had such a hard time I’ve not had it easy either but no where near as bad I just wanted to know someone’s reading and you are worth it Wine

avocadotofu · 11/05/2020 15:16

I'm so sorry to hear about all those awful things that happened to you. You are a worthwhile person. I think you should speak to your GP. I think you should be incredibly proud that you've survived everything you been through and I hope things get better for you ThanksThanksThanks

Really123456 · 11/05/2020 15:21

@Mellonsandgrapes I can answer your question as categorically no. I believe in a loving God who we don't and never will understand. He loves you no matter what you think, even if you hate him, he loves you. None of us know the reason why we are here, it's a question not even the most enlightened person or the Pope can answer. What's happened to you is truly awful, I cannot begin to imagine. Lots of people ask the question 'how can you believe in a God who allows such suffering', my answer is that it's not God causing the suffering but the people. There are plenty of places to get support from, Samaritans I one that comes to mind which I'd recommend you use. If you have the means, seek out a counselor as this is a very good way of seeking a kind of support you may benefit from. God gave you free will, who ever told you you can't tell anyone about what's going on in your life is wrong Xxx

CoolCarrie · 11/05/2020 15:24

You are a worthwhile person, believe that, you are a survivor, a strong person, be proud of that, you are brave, it was brave to post. I am sorry that people have let you down.
It would be a good idea for you to spreak to your gp who can refer you to someone who can help you believe in yourself.

LockedInMadness · 11/05/2020 15:25

Of course you are worth it but all those horrible people who have hurt you are not worth it. Do not waste your life thinking about them.

Can you get some therapy? Then when you are strong enough maybe you can help others that are in the same situation as you were? Out there is a child who is going through the same as you have. Maybe you were put on this Earth to help them?

Thanks
Shinjirarenai · 11/05/2020 15:26

In spite of your difficult upbringing, why should you be worth less than anybody else?

You are not.

NoShameInNameChanging6262626 · 11/05/2020 15:26

Im sorry people have treated you Sso badly

You are worth it

You've been around toxic people who have made you feel like your not, but you really are

See if counselling would help you change the way you think about yourself?

My mum was toxic and growing up i didn't love myself at all. I ended up in a DV relationship for a long time and i lost who i was even more

It all changed for me when i had my DC, it was one of the hardest things i ever did but I walked away from my toxic family members and my abusive ex

3 years on I have an amazing partner who adores me and my children, i have a nice house ( renting ) and nice things and i love myself, i absolutely love myself for everything I have overcome and who i have become

Honestly OP, You are worth it you just have to dig down and find your power x

picklemewalnuts · 11/05/2020 15:30

I'm so sorry OP. Can you try and remember that those people who abused you, and the people who didn't protect you- it's because they were selfish, greedy, stupid, scared, useless.

It was never about you.

howsicklyarsekissy · 11/05/2020 15:30

Am So sorry you have had such a rough time of it. I think you should get a good councillor & try & get it off your chest & get your self esteem up. Speaking to someone can help so much. I have been on the freedom course as well which helps you steer clear of the wrong type of men.

TurkeyBasterHopeItWorks · 11/05/2020 15:31

Hi OP,
I am so so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. You are worth it and you need love, kindness and support. Please as others suggest speak to your GP and get some much needed counselling.
You have had an awful childhood and it’s continued into adulthood but none of this is your fault. You have been surrounded by bad people who have targeted you. This is what needs to change and it will but you need to get emotional support and work through all the negative experiences first. Things will get better, you will get stronger and life will feel worth living. You are not alone even if it feels that way sometimes. Flowers

Annamaria14 · 11/05/2020 15:37

Hello.

I send you a big hug. I think that when we have bad parents - it really sets off a bad chain of events.

I had one parent who refused to have anything to do with me, and one parent who hated me.
This leads to low self esteem and makes is more likely to be bullied.

I was bullied in school.
I was bullied in two work places.

Well done for coming on and sharing your story. The beest thing you can do is talk to others who have been through the same thing. It is hard. But you are not alone!

And your parents do not define you!

Fluffybutter · 11/05/2020 15:43

You are worth it , it’s the others that have hurt you along the way that are not .
I can’t put it in a more simple way than that

Teaandbiscuitsallday · 11/05/2020 15:45

Really nice replys here. It's very hard but to see your own view on things when you are the one who has lived through everything.

SeriouslySoDoneIn · 11/05/2020 15:49

You are worth it, you’ve had an incredibly shit run of it though. I honestly hope life brings some good your way, but until it does it might be worth speaking to your doctor? I’ve felt very similar before, my doctor was able to refer me for counselling and gave me anti depressants for the short term.

I’m incredibly sorry that you have been failed so badly throughout your life, you haven’t deserved that. But you’re here, you’re an adult and you get to make your own choices and your own life now. Your husband doesn’t deserve you and neither do your family, don’t feel you need to keep any of them in your life if they’re bringing you pain. You are so incredibly strong to have come through everything you have - if you can recognise that then you can make a life for yourself no matter how difficult it seems. I really hope you manage to Flowers

Annamaria14 · 11/05/2020 15:50

To OP and to anyone else on here-

Whatever your parents said to you - does not define you!

They were looking through their own lens of shit. And as cruel as they were (many of our parents were) they simply could not do any better.

See yourselves as the perfect beings that you are.

ThSims · 11/05/2020 15:52

Hi Melons,

I could have written your post, the only differences being that my father was never in my life. Everything else I can relate to. Alcoholic mother, shit parenting, bullied, sexually abused, cheated on, failed to be protected by those close to me and also authorities.

You're not a joke, nor am I or anybody else who has had such an awful existence.

The way people treat you is a reflection of them never you.

I echo others in that you would benefit from counselling so please consider doing that for yourself, you need the support to help you see that you are worth so much more than you think.

Your abuse does not define you.

Sadly you've been surrounded by shit people your whole life, as have I, but the fault lies with them and not you.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 11/05/2020 15:54

I am so sorry that you have gone through those awful experiences. It sounds like hell. However, and I don't mean this unkindly, once you became an adult you have to take responsibility for yourself and deal with these things. It is nice to have support from friends, family and colleagues but it is you alone who lives the experience.

I think you need to have counselling and therapy to come to terms with those terrible earlier experiences. These have obviously shaped your responses later in life.

"My husband had an affair, I want allowed to talk to him about it or to anyone else, I wasn’t allowed to mention it at all.......so I got no support, basically I wasn’t good enough for any support."
You are deserving of support. You can still seek that support now by talking to a counsellor. Do you really want a husband who doesn't 'allow' you to speak to him about his adulterous behaviour?

It sounds as if you are going to accept his behaviour. You need counselling for your self-esteem and you need to find a husband who will treat you with respect and as an equal. Flowers

NamesNamesSoManyNames · 11/05/2020 15:58

I could not read and run.
You are a human being with worth.
I am sorry so much happened to you, but it is a reflection on them, not you.
Please be kind to yourself.

MeganBacon · 11/05/2020 16:00

You absolutely are worth it and you need to start thinking about all the ways in which you are worth it so that you can start to believe it. Think of kindnesses you have done, people who have just liked you even if just for a moment or who stopped and thought about a comment you made which may have given them a different perspective or a flicker of hope, the kind of person you could be even if circumstances have stopped you being that person until now. Smiles you've shared, times you made someone laugh or made someone feel valued or understood. There will be a million reasons you can find to justify why you are worth it, tiny ways that add up very meaningfully. That's only the first step to believing that you deserve more, than demanding more. It's a long process, but please please start it today, forgive yourself setbacks along the way, but KNOW that you are truly, genuinely, worth a great deal.

ChangedMyNameYetAgain · 11/05/2020 16:05

OP, you seem kind and intelligent. You are not a joke.
Of course you are worth it.

Harpingon · 11/05/2020 16:10

You are so strong to have been through all that and still be standing 🌈

Nomorepies · 11/05/2020 16:13

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2020 16:13

You are not a joke. Many people would be proud to have you as a friend. I’m sure you have many skills, which would be useful in work.

When you say you weren’t allowed to talk to anyone about it, I presume this was him and his decision. He dictated what you could and couldn’t do. I know it’s hard to wrap your head around what happened. But he’s not your boss and he has no right to tell you what you’re allowed to do.

You’re still standing and alive. Celebrate that you are and get therapy to learn how valuable you are and learn to love yourself.

MillyMollyMardy · 11/05/2020 16:13

Mellons you are undervaluing yourself. You are obviously resilient as you have survived awful circumstances. Those circumstances were not made by you but by others.
It took bravery to write what you have written you are stronger than you think.