Best CF Stories

[CupcakesAndCastles]

Lockdown sucks, what’s the best CF stories you’ve read?

Cleaned the house up and cooked a roast for a friend. Friend sent me a text saying that she had put money in my bank account so I could buy the wine. The wine is obviously a gift to the host. I then had to leave the roast and travel up the road, find the specific wine she'd asked for and come back which took about an hour. Arsehole.

I'm sure there are loads more like taking a flight to see my aunt who lives in another country as she was going through a tough time. She didn't even offer me a drink or get up when I got there. Asked me to weed her garden and clean her conservatory windows. She also dumped her three grand nieces and nephews on me for five hours while she fucked off. When I got annoyed, she refused to speak to me or eat with me for the rest of the time I was there.

a CF thread isn't zombie if it is resurrected with more CF stories. It's a zombie thread if the op was asking for advice and support and the situation was resolved months/years ago but someone posts to tell them to cancel the cheque/whatever.

I'm playing the (very) long game here and waiting in earnest for the ultimate zombie:

2021 - OP asks "What do you think of Zoflorantinoinette for my new DD, who's due in two months? My grumpy DH hates it and keeps trying to make other suggestions, but what would he know? I've always loved the name - it's so very pretty - and I'm determined!" Every single response tells her it's utterly ridiculous and that she should think again; that her child will hate her forever for it, but she brooks no disagreement at all and goes for it anyway.

2045 - A new, recently-registered MN user is pregnant, so spends hours browsing the baby names section at great length and stumbles across the thread. She doesn't notice the dates when it was active and responds "I beg you not to call your DD this. My 'D'M insisted on calling me Zoflorantinoinette, even though my DF hated it and urged her not to. He gave her thousands of sensible alternatives, but she refused to consider anything else. It's burdened me my whole life and I've never forgiven her for it. If you like the name so much, OP, why don't you change your name to Zoflorantinoinette and call your baby Anne?! "

@Adviceplease1234 I used to work in a restaurant and I can confirm this happens regularly. Absolutely boils my piss!!

Not as grand as some cf, but happened a couple of weeks ago. I was queuing up in a supermarket, behind a mum with son. She only had a bunch of flowers, card and a couple more things, and I didn’t have much either. We were queuing by the aisles, leaving a gap by the tills so people could walk along this space (if that makes sense).

A woman decided to push in, and go straight to the tills. The mum in front did protest, explaining the queue system in this supermarket. However, she proceeded to unpack her shopping without a backward glance. CF! Still feel cross weeks later!

Some of these are less about the person taking the piss

And more about how utterly spineless some people are

**poppyzbrite4

Cleaned the house up and cooked a roast for a friend. Friend sent me a text saying that she had put money in my bank account so I could buy the wine. The wine is obviously a gift to the host. I then had to leave the roast and travel up the road, find the specific wine she'd asked for and come back which took about an hour. Arsehole.

“Bit cheeky! I’m in the middle of cooking. Could you pick up in way here please”

That is the appropriate response.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

Did you see the zombie thread where the OP replied to herself? I cant find it now but it was about pram recommendations. She posted it years ago and no one replied; just her asking about a specific pram. Then, the thread popped up because the OP had replied to herself saying "I had this pram..." and went on to give herself from a few years previously a review. Same username and everything.

I dont think she ever came back to answer all the "why are you replying to yourself years later. How did you even find this" questions.

marking this for reading later

Just love this thread! Started reading it znd remembered the earlier posts -brilliant.
And just love the Zoflorantoinette!!

Years ago, I was studying for my PGCE and as an element of it was French, six of us got to spend a month teaching in a French school while living in a little rustic Gite. The area was stunning and we were super happy until the owner of the gite showed us around in hushed tones... He explained that his 94 year old mother in law was currently occupying one of the rooms upstairs in what was essentially her death bed. We were informed that noise of any kind was not permitted. Staying up late would disturb her and was therefore forbidden. Oh, and the district nurse would be coming round twice daily to do meals/hygiene, etc.
Needless to say, this put quite a dampener on the atmosphere. While we were by no means hoping for 3am raves, it did stifle things rather, having to whisper after 9pm and have the telly practically on mute, lest she start banging with her stick 'Allo 'Allo style, which she often did.

On the fourth or fifth day, one of our group lost the controller for her ipad dock and searched EVERYWHERE. She eventually had to poke around in the kitchen bin as it wasn't anywhere to be found. Unfortunately, she managed to put her hand....in one of the poor old lady's soiled pads that the nurse had simply rolled up and thrown in the kitchen bin. That was the straw that broke the camel's back. We were paying quite a hefty chunk of money to stay here, despite it being part of our training, and we complained to the our course leader, who took it up with an extremely stroppy gite owner, resulting in a sizeable discount.
The thing was, we popped in to see the old lady several times. She was LOVELY. Completely blind and suffering from dementia, but she loved us sitting there and held our hands and talked for hours. I just can't fathom why the owner thought it was an appropriate way to care for his elderly MIL while he himself lived on the grounds in a bloody huge house himself!

Many years ago, (pre desktop computers), when most offices had a typing pool, (ask your Gran), to deal with corespondence, we had an audio typist who was partially sighted. She was a very efficient typist and her eyesight didn't cause problem. However when ther was no audio typing to be done she refused to do copy typing because of her handicap. Fair enough you might say, except that she would spend the time doing very fine embroidery.

@Sethy38

Some of these are less about the person taking the piss

And more about how utterly spineless some people are

or not rude...

Christmas Primary School Fair - a couple of parents donated expensive gifts (worth over £50), requesting that they were included as raffle prizes. CF PTA Xmas organiser decides instead to put these gifts instead on the 'Wrap-a-Gift' stall (where the primary school kids choose a gift a pay £2-£3 for it and a parent volunteer wraps it for them), and as soon as the Fair opens, sends her DH in to buy up all the expensive donations from the 'Wrap-a-gift' stall.

Same CF PTA Xmas fair organiser would also 'get rid' of some nice bottles that somehow didn't get claimed on the bottle tombola.

When my dc were in primary and I had birthday parties for them and invited the schoolfriends - the parents who would expect the siblings to also be included - in the birthday activity, the birthday party food and the party bags.

Another parcel one.
I usually take in parcels for neighbours, don't mind, pop round later, I know they'd do the same for me.....except.
Last November, I took in what looked like a box of wine for a neighbour who I know to live a few doors down. It was cluttering up my narrow hallway, so I made at least four attempts to knock at the door and get him to collect. No response, although the lights were on.
A few days later, I happened to be going to my car at the same time that he did, so I said, "Oh, I've got a parcel I took in for you"
"Yes," he replied, "I saw you taking it in, but I've been busy"
I cheerfully insisted that he came along Right This Minute and take it away.
Then just before Christmas, a stranger knocked at the door, trying to hand over a bottle of wine, addressed to (neighbour's name) but with my door number. Not a postal delivery, just someone who'd been detailed off to pass on a gift, I guess. I recognised the name, explained that they wanted number XX, and closed the door. Five minutes later, the very apologetic gentleman knocked again; he'd not got an answer, but had been told that he could leave things at my address. News to me......
I explained, politely but firmly, that I wasn't prepared for that palaver after previous encounters and sent him on his merry way.
It only dawned on me later that I had, without being asked, been nominated as a dropping off point and storage facility.

@anniemouse

Christmas Primary School Fair - a couple of parents donated expensive gifts (worth over £50), requesting that they were included as raffle prizes. CF PTA Xmas organiser decides instead to put these gifts instead on the 'Wrap-a-Gift' stall (where the primary school kids choose a gift a pay £2-£3 for it and a parent volunteer wraps it for them), and as soon as the Fair opens, sends her DH in to buy up all the expensive donations from the 'Wrap-a-gift' stall.

Same CF PTA Xmas fair organiser would also 'get rid' of some nice bottles that somehow didn't get claimed on the bottle tombola.

When my dc were in primary and I had birthday parties for them and invited the schoolfriends - the parents who would expect the siblings to also be included - in the birthday activity, the birthday party food and the party bags.

Does anyone remember the thread where the poster won a nice computer at a school raffle but a family member took it (on the promise that they’d deliver it but kept it)? Was there a resolution?

@Standrewsschool

Not as grand as some cf, but happened a couple of weeks ago. I was queuing up in a supermarket, behind a mum with son. She only had a bunch of flowers, card and a couple more things, and I didn’t have much either. We were queuing by the aisles, leaving a gap by the tills so people could walk along this space (if that makes sense).

A woman decided to push in, and go straight to the tills. The mum in front did protest, explaining the queue system in this supermarket. However, she proceeded to unpack her shopping without a backward glance. CF! Still feel cross weeks later!

I was once loading my massive Christmas shop onto the belt to be scanned. it was definitely one of the busiest days, the lady in the queue behind me was getting closer and closer, encroaching uncomfortably into my space, but I tried to ignore her and carried on unloading. Then she grabbed a customer divider put it onto the end of the belt and started putting her shopping out. I just looked aghast, said ‘excuse me’ and she looked down at my still half full trolley and you could see the Christmas red mist fall away and she looked absolutely mortified. I’d barely even got half of it out. 😂😂

@SirGawain

Many years ago, (pre desktop computers), when most offices had a typing pool, (ask your Gran), to deal with corespondence, we had an audio typist who was partially sighted. She was a very efficient typist and her eyesight didn't cause problem. However when ther was no audio typing to be done she refused to do copy typing because of her handicap. Fair enough you might say, except that she would spend the time doing very fine embroidery.

To be fair, I can understand how embroidery is easier than deciphering people’s handwriting, but no way in hell would I do it at work and there’s always something that can be done, answering phones for example.

Made friends with a lovely mum at my DC's primary. Insisted on how as Mums we should help each other out. She would constantly ask me to help with lifts for her dc as we lived near one another. I never minded at first but the few times I asked her to help with lifts for mine, she was never able to. I got fed up and started making excuses. She then asked several other Mums to help instead and cheerfully told me that she hated doing the school run! My DH coached our sons football team. When my DH said he couldn't drop her son homebefore she still turned up , dropped him off, and then as she walked away, shouted out that her ds had no lift home, she couldn't pick him up either so could my DH 'deal with it'.

She became well known in the school eventually for her CF lift requests. I'm no longer her friend.

@Whatdoyoudowhendemocracyfails

It was deleted because if privacy concerns, but then the OP posted an update later on but that was also deleted.

The update was something like she called and spoke to BIL and he played dumb and said he had been drinking that night but she kept asking so he said there was a box sitting that he knew nothing about. The SIL called back shortly after and said that they had taken it for them, but then decided to have a look inside the box and it turned out to be an old computer in a new box and it was so bad that they decided not to even mention it. SIL was all "oh we would never do something like this" but seemed to talk way too much for it to be the truth so they totally stole it. No idea what happened after or what the OP did about it but if it was true then they stole it.

@billybagpuss

The typing pool didnt answer phones. They could be pulled out if typing and put on a desk if needed, but they didnt just randomly go and start anderrjng phones.

Many years ago we came home to find MIL sitting in our conservatory with a group of people we didn’t know having a cup of tea. Turns out they were old family friends who had come on holiday so she brought them round to show them our house! My DM’s friend also mentioned that she didn’t know how we managed to sleep on our waterbed as she had had trouble getting off it😳. Turns out DM and her friend had collected DD from school and DM thought her friend might like to try our bed out☹️

[quote WhereverIGoddamnLike]@Whatdoyoudowhendemocracyfails

It was deleted because if privacy concerns, but then the OP posted an update later on but that was also deleted.

The update was something like she called and spoke to BIL and he played dumb and said he had been drinking that night but she kept asking so he said there was a box sitting that he knew nothing about. The SIL called back shortly after and said that they had taken it for them, but then decided to have a look inside the box and it turned out to be an old computer in a new box and it was so bad that they decided not to even mention it. SIL was all "oh we would never do something like this" but seemed to talk way too much for it to be the truth so they totally stole it. No idea what happened after or what the OP did about it but if it was true then they stole it.[/quote]
Thanks! I don’t know how I’d get past that if it had been my rellies. Poor OP.

Years back, a friend was invited to spend Christmas with her parents. She had recently bought a cat and insisted she would only go if she could take the cat for the duration of he stay. Her parents hated cats though but she was too tight to pay for a cattery and was insistent.

She took the cat but it got out (or was let out - not sure) and was run over

@dottiedodah

This was in the news a while ago .Bizarrely an older woman used to turn up at funerals in Slough and go the funeral tea afterwards .Stay a while and then help herself to tea /cakes /sandwiches and be sure to take some home!( link/ metro 24 09 17 )in a Tupperware box! The priest said he couldnt ban her ,and she had been doing it for at least 14 years!Every single Catholic wake at that church!

This was apparently really common a couple of generations ago. My parents remember funeral gatecrashers being common.

I once worked with a girl who rocked up to work one Monday morning with 36 stunning cupcakes. She said she had been to a wedding on the weekend, these were left over and she hated to see food wasted. So she then tried to sell them to her work colleagues for £1 each and would be giving the money to charity. I bought one, it was delicious and looked absolutely stunning, a work of art. I loved it so much I contacted the baker on the packaging and enquired about them for a friend’s birthday. The baker was in turmoil, turns out the cupcakes were the wedding favours that had mysteriously vanished from the wedding in the early evening. The bride had paid the baker £8 per cake and was devastated that they had been stolen from the venue...