To put all finances in DH's name?

[Icantrememberwhy]

I have been with DH for 15 years and everything has always been shared equally. However, last year we went through a rocky patch (and thankfully came through it) and it made me question if I had put myself in a terrible position.

Regardless of everything being shared, the house and mortgage are in DH's name (because I was a SAHM at the time) and all of our savings are in his stocks and shares portfolio too.

In the event of a relationship breakdown, would I still be entitled to half of everything? How does it work? Feeling worried

If you are married then these are marital assets and you would be entitled to a fair share of them.

However, it would depend on him honestly declaring everything because you wouldn't have access to the savings accounts to check if stye exist or how much they are worth.

If you do have concerns then maybe start listing everything you know of - who the mortgage is with, who savings accounts are with, who the pension is with etc.

Put yourself in a dangerous position OP. There are options for you but you need to get going ASAP.

Well you’d still be entitled to whatever is in those funds at the time the financial settlement is made. But as they’re all in his name he is entitled to dwindle them all away or “give” them to someone else. Bear in mind the first thing men seek to protect at the first sign of a relationship going south is their money and assets. In fact them becoming “tight” or secretive about money is often the first sign he has checked out of the relationship.

Now I'm scared

I do know of all our accounts, etc and have access to them. I just thought that if you divorced then you had to declare all these accounts? I didn't think I was in a bad position

@Modernstoneage what can I do to turn things around? I have three young DC, one of whom has special needs so I am limited as to how much I can work.

Please make sure you have access to money in the event that something happens. If he dies or become seriously unwell, you won't get immediate access if everything is in his name only - you'd need to have marriage certificates etc. and prove your marriage status to be able to get access. Bank accounts are often frozen in the event of someone's death as well.

Please, please get your name put on the bank accounts and make sure you have your own bank card and pin so you have access to funds. Ideally, set yourself up a separate account too and have some money in there for emergencies. Not everyone behaves honourably in the event of a relationship breakdown.

Not having your name on family funds is a risky position to put yourself in.

You are definitely in a far stronger position because you are married than if you weren't but you don't automatically get half and it is dependant on DH honestly declaring everything and not transferring assets to OW/his mother ahead of the divorce

Whose idea was it to have the house in only his name? Why would being a stay at home mum make any difference to you being on it?

Given you don't work there must be tax advantages to you holding some of the investments and money in your name.

I thought there was something that stopped people getting rid of funds prior to a divorce? If I had proof of how much money was in the accounts, wouldn't that be proof?

Is there something that has you concerned OP? Is he behaving strangely or restricting your access? If not and he is a lovely man then I would just tell him you want to put everything in joint names because it makes you garb mire secure in the event of his death/illness/relationship breakdown. If he’s decent then he’ll want this for you too.

It might bebb FB proof, but if the relationship had broken down, it might be quite a fight to get what you are owed. A lawyer might advise you to accept a compromise for the sake of saving the fees required to fight.

Thinking it another way: why wouldn't your name just be on everything?

I thought there was something that stopped people getting rid of funds prior to a divorce? If I had proof of how much money was in the accounts, wouldn't that be proof?

But that won't help you in the short-term. You really should have complete access to family funds and savings. Please don't rely on him to do the right thing if things go wrong.

I thought there was something that stopped people getting rid of funds prior to a divorce?

There’s nothing to stop him getting rid of funds before you even realise divorce is on the cards.

I get the mortgage bit, but what's the logic always been for all the other stuff being his name only? Who deals with all the finances - online banking, setting up direct debits? Do you have a joint account? Who buys presents for the kids?

I don't understand why being a sahm would mean the house wouldn't be in your name? We got a mortgage when I was the sole earner, based on my income alone, but dp is still a joint tenant. It would make me concerned if your dh is avoiding things being in your name.

I strongly think finances should be joint. Quite apart from splitting up, what if one partner suddenly got seriously ill or even died? You would need access to finances.

Is it possible to be joint on everything like shares, etc though? I'm just worried if I start saying all this, it will cause problems as he will think I don't trust him.

Also, even if everything was joint. What would stop him withdrawing the money in a crisis? How would I be any better off?

Of course it's possible.

You really need to protect yourself OP. I know so many people who assume marriage protects them (and while it does, theoretically) it won't stop your DH getting rid of funds prior to a divorce, nor will it prevent him from being difficult with money either.

Please get your name put on all accounts. If he has nothing to hide then he shouldn't need to worry or object to it. I mean, he loves you enough to marry you, why wouldn't he be okay with your name being on the savings accounts or mortgage?

If he died suddenly all the money could be frozen while his estate is sorted out. So you might find yourself without any money at all for a good while.
Do you have wills? If it is all his money I don't know if he can leave it all to anyone he likes. You might want to check that too.

Also, even if everything was joint. What would stop him withdrawing the money in a crisis? How would I be any better off?

Lots of joint accounts require joint signatures in order to process large transfers or withdrawals of money. As it stands, he could send everything to, for example, his mother and you don't have a say in it.

I thought there was something that stopped people getting rid of funds prior to a divorce?

Once assets are dissipated, even if there is "something" that is supposed to stop this, you then have to prove the funds were there, that they have been dissipated. Even once you prove all that, you then have to enforce to get the assets back, and that may not be possible. The whole thing would be likely to require you to take court action (expensive, stressful, likely to be long)

I don't understand why your being a SAHM meant you aren't on the mortgage, or have any of the savings in your name??

"Of course it's possible"

Is it? Can you explain how? You can't, afaik have pension savings, ISAs or shares in joint names?

You can ask dh for a 'post nup' (though that will involve a very awkward conversation, and depends if you're willing to do it, may rock the boat). A good solicitor can advise.

Look at what you can do from home perhaps whilst still being there for your child. Easier said than done I know. It's important to get yourself some form of an income and set aside a certain percentage from it each month. No matter what. Think of it this way, what if worst did happen, and you did get half, then what. How will you maintain it if you're limited from working. If you're not part of family finances how will you know how to manage it (of course you can learn) but what if something happened and suddenly you cant get access to that money. Something as simple as him not giving you the password or pin to an account. Then what? Not trying to scare you at all, but I think it's important that women's thinking goes beyond just trying to get half.

Talk to dh without bringing in the lawyers. Tell him you want everything to go back 50/50. Highlight the precarious position its putting the family (assuming he's a family man), if anything was to ever happen to him. Doesn't automatically mean you'll get half. Especially now, with this virus hanging around, good opportunity to make a will, get legals in order to ensure you and kids are protected. Word it in a way that you know your husband will be receptive to. Rather than saying I want half because I think you're going to run off or something. You know your husband best.

These are just options I'm throwing out there.

Is it? Can you explain how? You can't, afaik have pension savings, ISAs or shares in joint names?

Sorry, I was referring to things like the mortgage and savings. OP could always have her own ISA with savings in, though.