To put all finances in DH's name?

[Icantrememberwhy]

I have been with DH for 15 years and everything has always been shared equally. However, last year we went through a rocky patch (and thankfully came through it) and it made me question if I had put myself in a terrible position.

Regardless of everything being shared, the house and mortgage are in DH's name (because I was a SAHM at the time) and all of our savings are in his stocks and shares portfolio too.

In the event of a relationship breakdown, would I still be entitled to half of everything? How does it work? Feeling worried

I’d just say you’ve been reading about finances and you’d see a scenario where a husband and wife had separate finances and the husband had gone into hospital and the whiffed couldn’t access funds. The husband had subsequently passed away and it had made life very difficult with things being in sole name. Just say with this coronavirus situation it has just made it more noticeable that things like this could happen.

Wife mot whiffed 🙄

my ex cleared the joint bank accounts on the way out. Fortunately, I had my own accounts and a small amount of savings but everything else he took.

There are court orders that can stop disposal of assets but you need evidence of accounts in the first place (and a partner who is thinking about leaving and is doing it carefully can set up new accounts and shift things across at the last possible moment so you have no idea where the money has gone) and then the money in them needs to be worth pursuing (ie court costs and legal support is expensive).

You need your own accounts and your own savings. It is the only way.

When I was a sahm my dh put savings in my name as it was more tax efficient so am surprised your husband has all the savings in his name. Other than savings the rest of our accounts are all joint and the house is in both names. Why is the house only in his name?

ISAs can't be joint.

Can't see why being a SAHM means none of the savings are in your name. Depending on how much money you've got, you could potentially make better use of tax free allowances by having some in your name.

I worked in a bank years ago and we wouldn't do mortgages for couples in just one person's name. There had to be really exceptional circumstances for us to agree to lend in those circumstances. It wasn't out of the kindness of our hearts mind you, it was so that no one had a claim to the house who didn't also have an obligation to pay for it. I'm always amazed at how many times I read about women not being named on the mortgage because I had no idea that banks would be willing to allow it.

You can jointly own a house and mortgage even as a sahm, I did. They get the savings in your name as it's more tax efficient, especially if you don't pay tax. If your h is standard rate tax and you don't work you can get an allowance on his tax code too

If Covid has taught us anything it's that we should have our finances and wills sorted out. Some people will catch the virus and be asymptomatic, others will catch it and be in ICU within days.

All couples should face up to the fact that in the space of a week they could be a widow/widower. Maybe not likely but it is possible. Even if there is a will in place leaving everything to the spouse, it could take weeks/months before access was given if those accounts aren't joint. OP, if your DH wants you and the children to be secure should anything happen to him, then he should be open to getting your name on those accounts today. Too late to think of it once you're in ICU fighting for your life.

Would he put your name on everything in light of Covid and the the small risk one of you could pass? Might be a way to approach it.

Shares can be held jointly as can Issa. If the property is only in his name he could give it away, leave to someone else in his will or spend it. There’s not likely to be much you can do to get property back even if you can identify it and prove he had it in the first place.

If you are joint owner you can at least monitor the property and in some cases prevent him from disposing of it.

I'm always amazed at how many times I read about women not being named on the mortgage because I had no idea that banks would be willing to allow it.

Banks allow it as long as you sign a document station you have no financial interest in the property. I remember being pressured to sign one.

Op marriage is unfortunately not enough protection. My lovely ex sold the house beneath dc and I, refused access to joint savings, refinanced joint property and the equity disappeared. The onus was on me to prove it all. Be very careful.

Also just to be clear- you are not entitled to control of someone’s a assets if they are incapacitated just because you are married to them. You need a power of attorney or to be a joint owner.

Get everything in your name as well asap. If he objects to this then you know you've a major problem on your hands.

Get everything in your name as well asap.

It’s not as simple as this. No one will deal with you unless your name is on the account. Op will ultimately need her DH cooperation.

One way to approach this would be inheritance tax planning and maximising tax-free ISAs. My husband and I save exactly the same amount but in our own names to maximise tax free savings and to ensue not all in one pot if one dies. There was a period of 4 years where I wasn't working at all and everything "spare" was still split 50:50. DH recently inherited £20k and £10k went into his ISA and £10k into mine. There is a difference between not having your name on the deed to the house and not having your name on the bank loan and mortgage to secure it. I would hope your name is on the deed to the house, less concerned if it wasn't on the bank mortgage!

As @vanillandhoney says it's not just in the event of a split, accounts are instantly frozen in the event of a death and it can be a nightmare gaining access.

Ditto divorce - yes legally those funds are part of the marriage pot legally but it can take several months.

When my ex and I split (his cheating) a previously loving, family oriented man turned into someone who drained our accounts within days of the split - knowing I had no income at that time and a toddler daughter to feed! He didn't even tell me I didn't find out until I went to cashpoint to withdraw cash for food shop.

I had to borrow from a virtual stranger until I could open my own sole account and parents could transfer money into that and several weeks later until I received backdated benefits payments and first salary from the job I was VERY lucky to find quickly along with a nursery place for dd.

At the very least:

Open a sole account - with a DIFFERENT bank to him

Ensure any benefits relating to the dc are paid into that account

Get a credit card if you can - not saying to use it but there for emergencies

If possible to persuade him - perhaps take the tack of in case anything happens re covid (not a bad idea for most people at this time in my opinion, while there are those at higher risk anyone can catch it) to put at least some of that money in your name or joint names.

Difficult at the moment I know but look into any way you can get back to working ASAP. As I say I was lucky! The economy was doing relatively well at the time of my split and I was able to find a nursery place for dd.

You ARE vulnerable just not quite as vulnerable as if you weren't married.

My ex is hardly brain of Britain and had merely moved the money into a sole account with the same bank so even though he lied on his disclosure it was relatively easy for my lawyers via whatever the legal route is, to gain the accurate information. So eventually I got the money back. But others are more savvy so you need to protect yourself.

Given you don't work there must be tax advantages to you holding some of the investments and money in your name

excellent point

thought there was something that stopped people getting rid of funds prior to a divorce?

Yes but you have to be able to prove the expenditure was unwarranted and that can be difficult and take time.

Re our family car I had to wade through a load of emails we'd exchanged around the time of purchase to find evidence that he considered the car our car rather than just his.

Please don't rely on him to do the right thing if things go wrong can't back this strongly enough

What would stop him withdrawing the money in a crisis? How would I be any better off? I learned too late I could have contacted the bank and inform them the funds were "in dispute" due to relationship breakdown and they'd have frozen the accounts until the matter settled. Or at the very least if I'd been more cynical I could have withdrawn half myself immediately.

Sorry Isas and pensions can’t be joint. But shares can be held jointly

If you’ve only just come through a rocky period then I’d be very cautious how you go about this because his first thought is that you’re preparing for a split and, if he’s the sort, he may well decide to start moving things about.

Tell him you’re worried about what happens if one of you gets the virus and you’re left with no access to anything for weeks or months on end.

Everyone is right. Don't bank on him being a decent man. I'm sorry, but realistically most people are loving and decent to people they love and like. The problem is, if you split up he probably doesn't like you that much anymore and will be looking to maximise his own gain. It is a bit suspicious that he has organised for all finances to be in his name. At the back of his mind, he has probably forward planned to protect his wealth in the event of a split.

the house and mortgage are in DH's name (because I was a SAHM at the time) Being a SAHM is no reason the house should not be in your name. It could have been in both your names. Your DH probably knows this.

If I were you I would discuss with a divorce solicitor NOW about what you need to do NOW to protect your share of marital assets.

I gave up my well paying job and financial independence to follow my 'D' H's career at his behest. We retained our home where we had used to live and it was put entirely in my name so that I had an asset of my own, to give me protection. I hadn't realised it would be regarded as a marital asset. Of course, when things went tits up in the relationship, 'D' H claimed it as a joint asset and claimed it was never intended as compensation for my financial loss in following his career. Never thought he would be such a fucking bastard. But of course, he wasn't when he liked me. Things are very different in a divorce. Like a whole new person you never knew existed.

I don’t understand why your name isn’t in the mortgage.

I'm always amazed at how many times I read about women not being named on the mortgage because I had no idea that banks would be willing to allow it

Banks allow it as long as you sign a document station you have no financial interest in the property. I remember being pressured to sign one

Dh and I have always had a joint mortgage, first couple of times we were both working full time, after that I was working part time then became a SAHM. At no stage have I ever signed anything to say I do not have a financial interest in the property because I helped build the pot that allowed us to buy subsequent houses.

But I have been married for 20 years so I don't know if it has changed. I am on the deeds too.

I would go down the Covid I am worried about being able to access money if you are in hospital etc or if you die and they freeze all the accounts bit. But yes you should have some things in your name or joint names from now on. Technically being married these are marital assests but it isn't difficult for him to remove your access.

DSiL has recently separated from BiL after 35 years of marriage, during which she left all financial management to him, including her own salary from her senior professional job. She was a signatory on a couple of accounts and had the second credit card, but nothing else, nothing.
Needless to say she's now discovering massive financial deceit on his part, but is struggling to prove it as he claims she knew all about these other accounts and was content for them to be in his sole name for his personal use because look, she's never had or wanted an account of her own and has never played any part in the management of their money.

It's a complete nightmare which is taking a long time and a lot of money to sort out. When I asked why she'd gone along with it she just said well that's normal when you're married isn't it . Madness.

Get this sorted out OP, everything that can be in both names put into both names and full access to all accounts. In addition, get some savings of your own that he can't touch - he can do the same. This is your number one priority.

Op I too would use the coronavirus as a reason to make sure your finances are in order, and funeral arrangements.

I would ensure your name is put on the mortgage and added to the joint accounts, as it will be a really tricky position for you and the children to be in should the worst happen.

I would also get separate legal advice, quietly about your financial predicament. They can advise you on what the steps you need to take.

And it seems that BiL set this up for his own protection from day one.

Just to add to what everyone said about inheritance taking a long time to come through - it took over a year for FIL to get any money from MILs estate. And the solicitor fees were VERY expensive. So you could put it in those terms.

I would start taking weekly screen shots of all the savings/ investments if you have access to them, tbh. Or taking regular print outs. Just so you can show if they have been cleared out.