AIBU to say that relationships with a huge age gap can be successful?

[Nikitta21]

A friend married a man who is over thirty years younger than herself four years ago. He is from Morocco and came over to the UK to live with her. They are still together and still happy. Although I did initially wonder about his intentions, they have proved everyone wrong and their relationship has worked out well.

I now regret my initial scepticism and realise that I was completely wrong.

Well my partner is an absolute joy and a perfect fit for me and I adore the bones of him and he's 12 years younger than me.

Who cares 🤷‍♀️

Maybe she was lucky.

But the cynical bit of me is thinking that it would take around 4 years for him to get citizenship...
(3 year residence requirement prior to application then a protracted application process).

Been married 14 years and he’s 19 years older than me. Never argued and no, he doesn’t control me

Depends on the gap I think. If its over 10-12years, IME, the older partner usually has issues around control & being 'parental' & and 'in charge' to a younger, malleable, easily manipulated partner.

15 year age gap between my husband and I, together nearly 16years married 13 but it feels like less. He is my perfect match and age is just a number to us.

And can I add he is in no way controlling or in any way a father figure. We are very compatible and share everything.

I saw a man in his 50s when I was a teenager, would never have lasted. However, my husband is 8 years older than me and that's fine.

My mother is married very happily to a man 20 years younger than her. He came from another country too and I had my initial doubts as well but they quickly went away. He's a lovely man and I've never seen my mum treated as good or as looking as happy as she does now.

I'm not sure you can judge the success of otherwise of a marriage on the first 4 years. How would you know what's going on in the marriage anyway?

Someone I know married her husband, 20 years her senior, when she was 16. They were married until his death in his 80s and she says they were happy. I'm still not convinced she wasn't just incredibly successfully groomed.

Absolutely. I am half my partners age. Honestly forget sometimes that there is even an age gap and we just got engaged at Christmas. Been together 2 years. He is on the same level as me in most ways and I think we compliment each other.

Both of us have children from previous relationships and are fortunate that we have now blended into one big family.

I appreciate I've been incredibly lucky but we have had our setbacks. Mainly from other people's opinions. Taken a while for us both to learn to brush it off - he was mainly labelled a "dirty old man" and I was clearly only after his money 🙄 people will have opinions no matter what. It's how you deal with them that's important

4 years together definitely proves this is a long-lasting bond.

He is only after the passport. Come on... She is what, 50-60 as opposed to his 20-30?

A woman in her 60's with a man in his 30's

It's yuck 🤢

YANBU. I think these relationships often have issues caused by the interference of others and societal pressures rather than any incompatibility between the two partners.

@LaurieFairyCake

She is 60 and he is 31

*@ChazsBrilliantAttitude"

It's five years before he can apply for indefinite right to remain in the UK. Surely no one would stick in a relationship for five years if they weren't happy though? Five years is a very long time.

4 years and their relationship 'worked out well'?

Someone absolutely would stay in a relationship that long for the passport. In lots of countries where opportunities are low either the mother or father leaves the family behind while they work abroad and send money home. That lifestyle might last their entire working lives, 5 years is nothing in comparison.

It's five years before he can apply for indefinite right to remain in the UK. Surely no one would stick in a relationship for five years if they weren't happy though? Five years is a very long time.

There is a difference between being unhappy and something being “not what I would have chosen if it wasn’t a means to an end”. I suspect your friend is a lovely, kind, generous woman who takes care of him very well. So he isn’t unhappy as such.

As an example I spent 5 years in my 20s doing post graduate exams. I didn’t particularly enjoy them but I was willing to make the sacrifice to get the result I wanted in the end. But if there hadn’t been the promise of an interesting, well paid job at the end I would not have done them.

You’re very naive if you think someone wouldn’t use their wife/husband for five years before leaving them once they’ve got what they want.

But yes, age gap relationships can work just as well as any others. My great grandmother had a 15 year age gap with her husband and they were apparently blissfully happy until he died. I have a similar age gap with DH. Definitely no control issues @CSIblonde . DH and I are both very strong minded and strong willed people. We respect each other a great deal and respect each other’s independence. Of course we provide support to one another but we also leave one another to crack on with things even though that means we sometimes make mistakes that may have been avoided if the other person had got bossy etc. We both value mistakes though as learning opportunities and we understand that while we are very similar we have different experiences and we both have areas where we need to learn through experience do we give each other that space.

A friends fiance is 33 years older than him, my cousins wife is 15/16 years older. They’re really happy and have healthy communication etc in their relationships.

Age is just a number.

DH is 11 years older than me, we’ve been married 30 years.

Clearly there are long-lasting and happy relationships with age gaps. But that doesn't stop me feeling that on balance, the younger party in such a relationship would on average have a better and happier life if they married someone closer to their own age.

@CSIblonde My DH is 14 years older than me, and you'll be glad to know that there's nothing malleable or easily manipulated about me!

Once he has citizenship he'll be off.

Get back to us in a couple of years OP!