AIBU to say that relationships with a huge age gap can be successful?

[Nikitta21]

A friend married a man who is over thirty years younger than herself four years ago. He is from Morocco and came over to the UK to live with her. They are still together and still happy. Although I did initially wonder about his intentions, they have proved everyone wrong and their relationship has worked out well.

I now regret my initial scepticism and realise that I was completely wrong.

Having seen the later stages of these massive (20 years plus) age gap relationships personally, it's the bit towards the end when one partner is 70 or 80 etc and the younger partner is still only 50/60 that it's crumbled. 4 years together is nothing.

OP, can you please update this after he gets his right to remain?

I'm sure age gap relationships absolutely can work my concern about this type of relationship would be the man in question has everything to gain from the relationship ,it might be different if the age gap was,my quite so butane they were both from the uk.

You are right that is 5 years for ILR. Yes someone will stick it out for 5 years.

DH is from North Africa (we’ve been married 20 years) and I have travelled there frequently to stay with his family. Europe and a European passport is like gold. Their opportunities are so restricted compared to ours. I hope for your friend he is a good person and they stay together but I wouldn’t be entirely shocked if they drift apart in a couple of years.

Quite so big *

I am nearly 10 years older than dh, we have been together 25 years, married for 20.

@walkingchuckydoll

Will attempt to remember to update Mumsnet when RTR comes through!

A friend of mine married a 41yo. She was 18 (so, very young to be getting married at all).

They're still together 25 years later and both apparently very happy. She says he's her soulmate.

(Personally I think he's a complete plonker, but hey, each to their own.)

9 and a half years between me and Mr D.

He's an immature little prick though, so it feels like I'm the older one!

My only concern is that her relationship with her grown up children has been adversely affected. The husband doesn't like them as they tap her for money. This has led to a lot of conflict and acrimony.

She needs to mentally prepare to be single at some point over the next couple of years OP. He’s just after citizenship (I don’t blame him, I’d have sought out a British spouse in his position too).

in the nicest possible way, 4 years is feck all, update us after 6 years once his residency is through.....

big age gaps can work of course, we see enough evidence of it but somehow I dont think this is an example of true love across the ages

Even if you cynical lot do turn out to be right and he goes his own way after getting right to remain, the relationship has still brought her a great deal of happiness.

Oh my gosh @Nikitta21

Your last update
Everything absolutely points to him marrying for RTR. The last update where there's been conflict with the children in regards to his wife's money absolutely points to someone in the marriage for gains, and 5 years to be married to someone to get to where you want, especially at the age of 31, with a whole life ahead of you - absolutely not a sacrifice.
Bonus if she's treating him nicely too, putting a roof over her head etc.

Would love to see and update on this marriage in a few years.

....of course could be being really judgmental, but the info you've given out does whiff of a marriage to gain.

To answer your question, there's 18 years between myself and dp - but as previous posters have suggested there is an element of him being controlling towards me, so I dont feel I'm in a position to say if it "works" exactly.

when she looks back if she only remembers being happy then thats great

shes an adult, she can make her own choices

• his head not hers!

Any new husband who resented a mature woman spending money she's accumulated over a lifetime on her own children would be something of a red flag surely?

Age is just a number.

Age is not just a number. Age is also an appearance. 60-year olds are very rarely attractive to 30-year olds. Unless the former come with money, power or indeed, a passport.

My Nan married a 32 year old when she was 54. She’d had some horribly abusive relationships in her 20s and 30s, so was very wary when they started out. But he adored her until the day she died at 98. Sometimes it works out.

Loads of people do it, so it clearly works for some. I personally couldn't be with someone if there was a significant age gap.

The couple I personally know with the biggest age gap is around 20 years - she's in her 60s and he's in his 80s.

I guess you could call it successful in that they're still together. She works and helps look after their grandchildren and is also his carer (he has dementia).

But it's not just an age gap, is it? It's the passport / residency / new country as well. And possibly increased earnings / better lifestyle.
All together makes it even more suspicious.
Would the relationship still be on if she had to live in his country?

Reminds me of that Border Control UK (or whatever it is called) with the older Welsh lady marrying a much younger Indian man. She was able to bring him into the country, but I'd love to know where they are now.

@Bluetrews25

I saw that episode too and thought that the younger man didn't look especially enthusiastic about his older partner.

The husband doesn't like them as they tap her for money. This has led to a lot of conflict and acrimony.

Yes, she should keep that money in her bank account for him to inherit when she dies, not waste it on her children

OP, I would be far more worried that he might not leave her once he gets RTR, and is instead hoping she'll die off quickly. Life expectancy in North Africa is significantly shorter than it is in the UK, he may not realise she has another 20-30 years ahead of her. He may not be quite as lovely when he is the carer for a frail 80yr old who perhaps can't stick up her herself like she can now.

@PrettyBelle

I'm 30 and OH is in his late 50s. We've been together 12 years and are blissfully happy. We're both totally skint so there is no money to be gained from being with him, and we're both British - so no passport either.

We just love each other and have enough in common that we never run out of things to talk about. I fancy him as much as I did the day I met him. Most of the time I forget the age gap exists. I always thought the phrase "other half" was tripe until I met him - and now I feel like a part of me is missing when he's not around.

Yes some people get into age gap relationships for the wrong reasons, but it doesn't mean everyone does. Judge people on their actions, not a stereotype.