Reached a new low tonight

[ShambalaHambala]

Single mum to 18 month old. Haven't seen my mum in 2 months. She loves round the corner. Trying to work from home and look after my son. He's teething and I'm just desperate for a break. He's going through a sleep regression and has gone from waking once a night to waking every 1-2 hours. I'm already on medication for anxiety and it's just getting worse. I'm exhausted. I need a hug, or an uninterrupted bath, or just to be able to eat without the fear in the back of my head that my son will wake up as soon as I pick up my fork. Boris' speech made me almost cry with frustration. AIBU to just be totatlly falling apart and terrified that I won't be able to see my mum for weeks and weeks? How can I distract myself? I can feel myself falling apart.

I have just read your second post and realised your mum is not isolating so that does put a different slant on things. It must be tough especially as a single parent but hopefully the teething/regression will be over soon and your DS will sleep better. Lack of sleep is awful.

Sorry, x post with you update, OP. Not much practical advice, apart from to keep focussing on the fact that this is not forever and will pass - both the sleeping issues of your dc and these lockdown conditions. Your son is very lucky to have someone so attentive and caring. Please keep telling yourself this!

You have come this far, you can do it.

Op meet in the park you may find they really does help see how they goes maybe you shall need more support from your mum

Of course it’s different two house holds mixing as it isn’t a necessity (or not seen as being one) but if you live in one household it is you can’t all suddenly live apart and it’s irrelevant how many people you may or may not be coming into contact with. It’s not complicated

"Every person you see, sees other people - so you go to the supermarket, the corner shop, pass the the neighbour, pass too close to a couple of runners ... all a risk. (Say 15 people in a week)

The other person does the same - but with different people."

I tend to take the kids out for a walk during the day, my husband usually goes out separately (usually in the opposite direction) because he's working and on a totally different timetable to us. That's exactly the same situation re meeting external people as if the OP and her mum declared themselves to be a single household.

If there are particular reasons why OP thinks her mum is at extra infection risk, then what Boris does or didn't say today makes no odds either way. People should not be taking general national announcements as some kind of barometer of their own personal risk!

100% totally agree @pickingdaisies

It is awful boris acted way to slowly, people cannot behave and the NHs was already in crisis.....

Please also ring your GP. Maybe your meds could be adjusted just slightly. It’s a very anxious time. I think it’s all vague as they know more and more people will push the boundaries of the guidelines. If you meet in the park as I believe we are allowed to form Wednesday and keep your distance (hard with a toddler)

And make sure you do the simple things routine, eat well and sleep when you can if that’s a nap in the afternoon then that’s fine at the moment (if you can see get your work done).

I don't understand why people are blindly following these rules. If you want to see your mum then see your mum. Qqots just one person. What difference would it make if she lived with you or not to infection rates? I think people should use their common sense a bit to be honest. We are not seeing my kids grandparent (only one alive 😢) but this was the case before lockdown. No govt directive would decide that for me. We made the decision regardless of 'the rules' that we did not want to see her to keep our kids safe because she goes out and about for the most ridiculous reasons and has history of passing on an awful virus. Near Christmas actually and we are wondering if it was corona!!

Ahhhh sorry I've just read update too.

@DorothyWasRightTho
The guardian says “ Unlimited exercise, some sports and meeting one other person outdoors to be allowed from Wednesday”
The update from Boris didn't say anything about meeting one other person outdoors.
He specifically said the rules were relaxing so we could go outside to parks, but no mixing of households.
Wish papers would pack it in making their own interpretations up, and "political correspondents" telling us what they've gleaned from the update (ie, their interpretation.)
I'm going by the actual updates.

If op had an ex.and he saw her child regularily, how would that be any different in terms of mixing households. There are only a few people involved here, and there is no travel involved, anyway we are now allowed to have unlike unlimited exercise, so walking from house to house isnt significantly adding to infection. Op and her mother could share the shopping to reduce that aspect of cross infection.
I really cannot see the logic of not seeing your mum in your house. Or maybe pay her for childcare, if people are so determined that the rules is the rules.
You need her to allow you to work and cope , your ds needs her too. If you were a keyworker, the nursery would be open for him, and that would be another adult in the mix. Where is the difference?
Why are people so pedantic.and heartless and lacking in commonsense about the rules. I have a friend who is ansingle mother, living in a household with four other adults, none relatives, it is classed as a household yet they all.do their own thing, shop for food, work if they are still able. It is entirely random that some households are so much smaller than others, when other risks are taken out of equation.

Why don't you both just isolate for 7 days - get lots of supplies in and stay in and then on day 8 you can spend the day together.

Maybe incorporate a little drive as far as mums for a chat over the wall.

A household would typically be at least 3 or 4 people, sometimes larger, which is why there is a blanket ban, especially when you have multiple households mixing with multiple households. But if you and your mum mix with noone else,.besides food shop,.why is that different from.your average household? What is there that makes it more infectious to mix two small than to have one large preexisting, if there isnt a vulnerable or shielding person in the mix.

If you both live alone and just go out to shop how is that different to if you lived together? Just see her, sounds like you really need to.
Been there with the sleep thing, it's torture. Hope you get a better sleep tonight and feel brighter in the morn.

There are five.adults iny household. We all go on different walks, all.contribute to errands, we could.all.be keyworkers (,,we arent) how much risk does that equate to, for the person.who says that each adult.brings another 15'x.of risk.into.mix.
This is ridiculous. We are now being allowed unlimited exercise, how many (even nadvertent)interactions will that add into mix I wonder, far more than one granny interacting with one dgs.!!!!!

I am waiting to hear about the help.that.Carrie will.be getting..I dont doubt that there has been some input from someone other than Boris. Noone can live without care and help when they are at.their lowest ebb and it is just.cruel to throw it back to.The Rules for no earthly reason.

Your toddler is not.at risk from your mum whether she works in a risky.situation or not. Toddlers arent in a high risk.category for covid. If you.avoid risky contact yourself, and only socialise with your mum, who is going to pass.anything on to her? And if she.has dogs she.presumably is out and about with them too. Who do you think is at risk here? Kids she works with,.her, you, or your toddler. Seems like.she is the person most at.risk of passing it to the kids she.works with, you.are not a risk factor to her.
So see her.

I agree you are a single household. Given the numbers involved, the greatest risk in this is that one of the many children your mother interacts with at work will pass it on to her, and her being a little older is more at risk than you of becoming ill, but that's happening anyway. And so now she might give it to you (low risk), or your son, (negligible risk).
I feel it is a no brainer. Imagine if you ended up needing facetoface mental health services, there would be rather a lot of risk involved there.

Seriously, what is the increased risk of a person living in a single residence household solely mixing with another person living in a single person residence?

^ this. I don’t see why you shouldn’t see your mum if neither of you see anyone else. Surely you are just like one household that happens to be living in 2 houses. Bless you OP, I hope things improve for you soon

Just incas want one else read this far and hasn’t read the update - she can’t see her mum.
I think you just have to kick into survival mode. Let your ds sleep in your bed if it helps, milk from a bottle, calpol if teeth, lots of ceebeebies. You just need to survive and can worry about everything else afterwards.
I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you. Remind yourself you are amazing for having got this far.

If the situation is bad (which it sounds as if it is or getting close to breaking point) and it is in yours and the baby's interests (for both of your welfares), move into your mum's until the lockdown is over (or ask your mum to move in with you). No right-thinking individual would disagree given the circumstances.

And this is the reason the death rate and infection rate is rising. Not the governments fault but because people will bend the rules to.suit them. We'd all like to see our families but it's not allowed, it's not difficult to understand.
OP that wasn't aimed at you by the way but the other people encouraging you to break the rules or saying well.I'm going to do what I want anyway. It must be really tough being a single parent. On Wednesday they're lifting exercise restrictions, do you think long walks would help tire your LO out? At least help you both sleep better. Does he attend nursery? If so there is a good chance he'll be able to return soon which might help.
Can you FaceTime your mum? Not the same I know but seeing her might make you feel better.

If there are two homes and one of you catches the virus, then that one can still visit the other, so long as they leave the virus at home when they leave.

@Haffiana

It was a silly and meaningless explanation because it doesn't in the slightest address the actual situation in the OP. Perhaps you didn't read it?

Of course I read the OP, I replied to her in a previous post. In that post I was replying to another question raised by another poster who I name checked, it's not my fault if you can't keep up.

Straw man. This also has nothing to do with this thread and in fact nothing to do with anything

🙄 do keep up

@ShambalaHambala

I'm not mixing with anyone but my mum is. She works with high risk kids with all kinds of disabilities so until lockdown is lifted we just can't socialise. If she lived with me it might be different but it's just not possible. She had dogs. I have nowhere for her to park and she lives a 20 min walk away ('round the corner' in the car). It would just feel wrong. I think I just need advice on how to cope as I am struggling. Anxiety is getting to me

Have you called your GP? Your anxiety meds might need adjusting. Obviously that's not a complete fix, but it might help 🌷

Doesn't your mum not walk the dogs 40 mins anyway? I'd have thought that a 20 min walk to your place would be pretty ideal with the dogs? You could have a short chat at least 2m apart every day then if you wanted. But that might be difficult with DS you'd probably need to strap him into a buggy.

But although Boris' speech last night seems to have upset you, the reasons you're not seeing your mum haven't changed due to that.

You asked for advice on how to cope. Do you FaceTime/Skype etc with your mum, other family & friends? (I HATE doing it, but it does actually help) . Can you get furloughed for a couple of weeks as you have DS, speak to your employer. That would give you a break from the stress of trying to work & look after DS. Are you a key worker? If so, can he not go to a nursery for a little bit each week? Can you let DS play in the bath - while you sit with a cup of tea watching him? Let him watch TV / screen. Put a pile of folded clothes of the sofa...it's amazing how long they'll amuse themselves with things they're not usually meant/allowed to play with. SAme with boxes/utensils out of the kitchen.

What are you giving him / doing for the teething? Does he have things he can chew in the night?

18 ;months is a gorgeous age, but exhausting!