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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reached a new low tonight

102 replies

ShambalaHambala · 10/05/2020 21:09

Single mum to 18 month old. Haven't seen my mum in 2 months. She loves round the corner. Trying to work from home and look after my son. He's teething and I'm just desperate for a break. He's going through a sleep regression and has gone from waking once a night to waking every 1-2 hours. I'm already on medication for anxiety and it's just getting worse. I'm exhausted. I need a hug, or an uninterrupted bath, or just to be able to eat without the fear in the back of my head that my son will wake up as soon as I pick up my fork. Boris' speech made me almost cry with frustration. AIBU to just be totatlly falling apart and terrified that I won't be able to see my mum for weeks and weeks? How can I distract myself? I can feel myself falling apart.

OP posts:
LilacTree1 · 10/05/2020 22:12

I think you should just see each other if you can afford the fine

If I had any contacts in walking distance, I would definitely meet with them.

LilacTree1 · 10/05/2020 22:13

And don’t worry about staying there

Two people mixing who don’t see anyone else, even on the journey there?

I haven’t seen anyone because I have to use public transport and I’m scared of being fined, but if none of neighbours snitch, you should avoid the fine.

Bleepbloopblarp · 10/05/2020 22:14

But what difference does the lockdown make to your situation if you wouldn’t move in together anyway? Can’t your mum come and take your ds for a walk or round to her house for a couple of hours?

At this point I don’t see what difference it would make. It’s just the difference between the two of you being together under one roof or the three of you being together under one roof - it’s daft!

Folicky · 10/05/2020 22:19

If you've mental health difficulties you're allowed to go out more often. I think at least twice per day. I'll try to find the official advice. That's not your exact question but may help indirectly

WorraLiberty · 10/05/2020 22:27

We talked about it but we both live in small houses and just don't have the room. It's so so hard. I get about 3 hours a day to work, clean, cook, ear, bathe etc.

If it's something you both want, you'll make the room.

There are people living in one bed flats with kids and that's for years.

It's doable to get through a lockdown.

Nicknamegoeshere · 10/05/2020 22:30

I'm worried too, OP. Expecting a baby in a few weeks' and have two boys aged 10 and 12. Partner a key worker. Parents in same village but can't see them or help.

Must be so hard being a single parent at this time - it was hard enough for me under normal circumstances x

LilacTree1 · 10/05/2020 22:31

Worra but why should they mix households that way when it makes no difference to transmission?

SusieOwl4 · 10/05/2020 22:32

Look the government can not possibly account for every single situation . If neither of you are in the highest vunerable group then you have to make your own risk assesment .

I won’t see my DIL because she is in highest risk category .

I stood 2m away from my daughter today because my husband is in vunerable group

But this country this not a dictatorship you must use your common sense and think what the risk is and make a decision.

The virus is out there , so work out what is most important to you .

Bathroom12345 · 10/05/2020 22:33

It sounds really hard but is it right that neither households have met anyone else in the last 2 months? No one at all?

Heygirlheyboy · 10/05/2020 22:35

Op the exhaustion alone will stoke the anxiety big time. My Dad is vulnerable and alone so I have been visting him regularly from day one, helping him cocoon.etc. basically the pros of visiting out weighed the risks and I am part of his 'unit'. Meanwhile I have been nowhere, nor have my dc in an effort to protect him as much as possible. Surely this is similar? Weigh up risks and with lots of handwashing etc extend your unit to include your mum, even if not actually moving in. Best of luck.

EastMidsMumOf1 · 10/05/2020 22:40

If you feel like you need a break/support then I'd just see your mum OP.
No different than children of separated parents mixing between two households.

WorraLiberty · 10/05/2020 22:44

Worra but why should they mix households that way when it makes no difference to transmission?

I'm just pointing out the 'too small' reasons isn't really a reason at all.

If they accept that, they can sort out the self isolation and join each other if it's what they both want.

IcyWind · 10/05/2020 22:49

I feel you OP. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old, I’m a single mom. I could honestly rip my hair out. If I were you I’d see your mom.

Mary1935 · 10/05/2020 22:50

Get help. You need it. You aren’t mixing with lots of people. You mental health is more important. Take you child to hers so you can sleep. You need to break the cycle. I really feel for you. X

IncrediblySadToo · 10/05/2020 22:50

@Haffiana

This is a meaningless and silly 'explanation'. It is EXACTLY THE SAME if 2 people live in one house

Don't be so bloody rude

It is NOT a silly explanation. It is why mixing with other households is not permitted, to break the transmissions.

Yes if more than one person lives in a house each person going out increases the risk, but the Govt could hardly mandate only one person per house could they?

Haffiana · 10/05/2020 22:57

@IncrediblySadToo

It was a silly and meaningless explanation because it doesn't in the slightest address the actual situation in the OP. Perhaps you didn't read it?

Yes if more than one person lives in a house each person going out increases the risk, but the Govt could hardly mandate only one person per house could they?

Straw man. This also has nothing to do with this thread and in fact nothing to do with anything.

Original poster
ShambalaHambala · 10/05/2020 22:57

Thanks everyone. I'm not mixing with anyone but my mum is. She works with high risk kids with all kinds of disabilities so until lockdown is lifted we just can't socialise. If she lived with me it might be different but it's just not possible. She had dogs. I have nowhere for her to park and she lives a 20 min walk away ('round the corner' in the car). It would just feel wrong. I think I just need advice on how to cope as I am struggling. Anxiety is getting to me.

OP posts:
Astillbe · 10/05/2020 23:04

Does your DS usually go to nursery? Some nurseries where I live are reopening, would that be an option? Or would your mum be willing to have him overnight on a weekend to give you a break?

Intelinside57 · 10/05/2020 23:07

Op, given what you've said most recently it doesn't really make any difference what Boris said. Even if he said that we are allowed to visit relatives, the virus hasn't gone away, you'd still have the same things to consider for the safety of you and your son. There will come a time when the restrictions are lifted further and some will still choose to be careful about who they see, because they will weigh up the risk of infection and their own health.

Iso123 · 10/05/2020 23:07

You are absolutely not unreasonable to be on the edge given this unprecedented situation. How you have coped this long already is a testament to you as a mum! I was brought up by a single mum and you have my upmost respect. This time will pass and your little one will one day here all about how you made it through such a tough and weird time in the world together.

In the meantime, I would definitely get help from your mum - whether it be for a short visit or (better yet) staying over for however long, even if sleeping arrangements are uncomfortable, it sounds worth it. Even if just one visit, it could give you the mental break of a few hours to unwind and regroup. And planning in detail how your want to spend your few hours off can get you through until it actually happens.

imsooverthisdrama · 10/05/2020 23:08

Hi I just wanted to say it must be really difficult for you .
I too have had a bad couple of days , my Sen child has been quite difficult and I'm struggling. I had a bit of a breakdown earlier because I feel so shit that I feel like a rubbish mum and that I so badly want this situation to end . I read things like from you who I feel are having a worse time and I feel bad for feeling like I do as at least I have a dh to support me .
I just think tomorrow's another day and we will get through this we've done almost 7 weeks we can do a bit longer.
Like others have said just chat at a distance even a few minutes will make you feel better . I hope tomorrow's a better day Thanks

Cornishclio · 10/05/2020 23:09

I think there needs to be a modicum of common sense here. The OP is following the rules as is presumably her mum. The OP is struggling so why cant the mum pop over for an hour or so to help with her DS so the OP can catch up on sleep. If they lived together there would be no problem so why the catastrophising. If you minimise risk as far as you can by doing online shopping or click and collect and minimising going out for exercising and your mum does the same surely the risk of either of you catching the virus is minimal. Just practise good hand hygiene and minimise exposure to everything and everyone else. We are going to have to live with this virus for a long time so people will need to start taking personal responsibility and risk assess their actions to stay safe rather than blindly following government guidelines which seem to be about getting the economy moving again rather than keeping people safe. If they were worried about keeping people safe they would make the lockdown much harsher and extend it. As not everyone is following the rules they know it is hopeless doing that.

Allowing the OP to have a mental breakdown from lack of support is not staying safe. There are other things to consider other than Covid. If people can go back to work on construction sites and garden centres can open then the OP can get some support from her mum.

Timekeeper1 · 10/05/2020 23:11

Maybe if you could have her stay over for even just one or two nights a week, just to give you a few hours respite/sleep for one night? A night night may sustain you for a couple of days more.

ChloeCC · 10/05/2020 23:11

I have a toddler, a baby and a partner who's at home a lot. My mum (70) is around the corner. The only time any of us has been in 'contact' with anyone else is in the supermarket. I'm going to break the rules and start seeing my mum and leaving the kids with her. I am on mat leave right now but will soon be wfh. None of us will see anyone else.

Timekeeper1 · 10/05/2020 23:13

Last sentence should start with *A good night's rest/sleep/respite

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