Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH rough play with DS

96 replies

Flower34 · 10/05/2020 17:16

DS2 is 4. DH does rough play with him that I absolutely hate. Something like holding DS upside down or getting him to sit on DHs shoulders (on a walk outside) or pushing him etc (while on the carpet). DS seems to enjoy it all, but I get worried about his safety. I’m anxious and I don’t take many risks esp with kids. I told this to DH many times and he just doesn’t care. (He has empathy issues, that’s a different story) What happened today is at an all new level. He came out of nowhere, picked up DS with his head and moved him out of the way. He only lifted him like 10cms up and put him about 4-5 feet away. DS was ok, he was laughing but I really lost it.

AIBU ?? Why would anyone lift someone HOLDING THEIR HEAD!! Why would you do that?? I’m beginning to really get worried about the next rough play killing DS. Wtf ? This is a normal family man, no weed or excess booze or anything. Why the f would anyone do this shit? We also have older twin DDs and he never did this to them.

OP posts:
gingganggooleywotsit · 10/05/2020 19:50

it's meant to be good for kids. Can't see the problem if nobody gets hurt.

Tappering · 10/05/2020 19:54

There was a bbc programme about fatherhood on once that talked about how important physical horseplay is for children and what an important role fathers play in that.

I saw this in action a few years ago when we were on holiday and sitting by the pool. Day one, Mum came down with the two kids (both quite young). Very careful in the water, lots of tentative paddling. Both kids wanted to jump in and were told 'no'. Day two Dad came down with the kids. Lots of chucking them in the water and mucking about, pretending to be a shark and chase them. It stuck in my head because the kids absolutely loved the rougher play with Dad, and that if their Mum had seen it she would have probably blown a gasket.

Porcupineinwaiting · 10/05/2020 19:58

If its fundamentally safe but it stresses you out just don't watch. This is what I have to do if mine climb boulders, balance on walls, use cliffside paths etc

Haggisfish · 10/05/2020 19:59

Yes it increases children’s sense of risk and danger and is great for them. It is bloody hard to watch though which is why I leave the room!

MrMeSeeks · 10/05/2020 20:08

My dad did all this too me, i loved it Confused certainly wouldn’t class this as rough play’ either.
Sorry op, but why should they stop something they both Like because you have a problem with it?
Maybe consider help with the anxiety? It may get worse as they get older, you can’t stop them doing things because of your anxiety, it’s unfair.

Pickles89 · 10/05/2020 20:13

I don't like the thought of him picking DS up by the head. Maybe talk to him about that. But the rest, you're definitely over-worrying! As everyone else says fun rough and tumble is really important for children. As a nanny I wish I was stronger so I could keep it up longer and be a little wilder! One little one would love it when I gave her a piggy back pretending to be a bucking bronco. It would invariably end by me rearing up and throwing her off (onto the sofa!) and she absolutely loved it.

If it makes you too uncomfortable, take yourself off and busy yourself elsewhere. You really don't want your anxiety to rub off on him.

CherryPavlova · 10/05/2020 20:13

Rough play is really important for developing children (who don’t have conditions like OI, obviously). It helps develop risk taking skills, reduces anxiety and teaches emotional intelligence.

Thatnameistaken · 10/05/2020 20:18

Don't let your anxieties hinder the fun your DH and DS are having, my DH used to love being 'thrown about' and swung by her feet by her DF and I.

pinkyredrose · 10/05/2020 20:23

My uncle used to pick us up by our ears. We all thought it was hilarious!

FithColumnist · 10/05/2020 20:30

When I was little that’s pretty much how my DM played with me: DF was always far more gentle. misses the point of the thread

DailyKegelReminder · 10/05/2020 20:38

YABU. DD gets very excited when DP returns from work, she knows its party time and enjoys the rough play. I never hear her laugh as much as when DP is "flying her" round like a bumble bee buzzing people Blush

Also have fond memories of being swung round and chucked on the bed by my arm and leg, being picked up by my head and getting raspberried(?) On the neck and dangled upside down.

L0bstersLass · 10/05/2020 21:32

This is not rough play.

MrsClutterbucksbaby · 10/05/2020 21:39

This all sounds pretty normal to me and rough play is good for development.
Maybe ask DH not to lift by the head again if it makes you so anxious but have you ever seen a video of a baby born by forceps? The poor little thing is literally yanked out by its head!

MorganKitten · 10/05/2020 21:45

Rough play is one of the 16 playtypes needed for child development

Vamoosh · 10/05/2020 21:58

Sounds all good fun to me. I’d be careful with lifting with the head though. I can remember my dad doing that with me but he always got me to hold on tight to his arms so my full weight wasn’t on my neck. And he didn’t do it very often. I do the rest of this stuff with my DS and so does DH! I throw him on the bed and give him a leg and a wing and hold him upside down. Hold his hands and spin him! He loves it!

Vamoosh · 10/05/2020 21:59

It’s easier on my back when I carry him on my shoulders too.

rottiemum88 · 10/05/2020 22:03

Rough play is not the only way to have fun

No, but most of what you describe isn't even rough play Confused

Myohmy111 · 10/05/2020 22:13

I don't think this is OK. DS is 4. He's not an inanimate object; he's a human being. I'd hate someone to come along and just move me out of the way if they felt like it. Your h is not modelling good manners or behaviour. He wouldn't do that to his mother or colleague, would he?? And lifting a kid by the head is NOT safe..

Bloody hell! Lighten up. Of course he wouldn’t to his mother. It’s called PLAY.

suchclearwater · 10/05/2020 22:24

I agree OP, picking someone up by their head is just stupid

Haggisfish · 10/05/2020 22:32

My dh will respect if I say ‘actually that’s too much’ Eg lifting by head or swinging by arms.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 10/05/2020 22:57

I think the thing that would piss me off about it is that he never did this with your daughters but does with your son - why the different treatment?

Haggisfish · 10/05/2020 23:00

Ah yes, good point. Dh horse played with dd as well so no sexism here!

Voice0fReason · 10/05/2020 23:04

I suspect that most people who think being picked up by the head is wrong, were never picked up (as a child) by the head.
It happened a lot in my family.

BackforGood · 10/05/2020 23:05

Really good point @lyralalala

The 'picking up by the head' things sounds a bit strange to me but because of your extreme views about really normal interaction, it is quite possible that your complaints are like white noise to your dh.
If that one thing were the only thing raised, then you dh might well take on board that there was a potential danger there.

fuzzymoon · 10/05/2020 23:11

Rough and tumble play is an important part of playing.
I think you need support with your anxiety.