Do you like yourself?

[HateIsNotGood]

I do - the 'lockdown' has confirmed to myself that yes, actually I do like myself very much - 'warts' and all. I was never consumed with 'self-hatred' nor [in recent years] to be too cocky about myself.

But yes, loads of extra time with myself, confirms I'm very happy being me.

YANBU - you're happy with being you
YABU - you're not or too pissed off to even consider yourself, etc

Totally agree that inadequate caregivers really make it a hard job.

Anybody ever read Running on Empty and Running on Empty no more by Dr Jonice Webb/? They opened my eyes. I forgave myself for feeling so inadequate, for BEING so inadequate. There is an online course, ''fuel up for life'' I think. i haven't done it but i thought about it years ago.

It really depends on the day for me, but in general, I'm at peace with who I am. Not particularly happy nor unhappy but I do have a tendency to head down the rabbit hole of self-doubt/flagellation when my mood drops.

I just try to measure it with doing one thing I consider to be positive a day - even if it's something simple. There are parts of me I loathe and parts of me that I see as good I guess? But as you can tell from this response, I flip-flop a lot

Yes, I like myself. I have robust self esteem, I know my worth. I’m kind, care about my family and friends and try to help others. There will be those who like and those who don’t, but I’m ok with that.....

Yes, I like me.
There's things that I could change or do better, but realistically I'm happy with who I am and where I am. DH is the opposite and it has a negative daily effect on him.

I do. I'm awesome.

I still suffer from depression but thats about things I mostly can't change and also chemical as I've always suffered with depression.

On a none depressed day, I truly know I am an awesome person, flaws and all.
But wouldn't say that irl as it sounds wanky and up my self.

I like myself and I'm proud of myself.

I am also aware of my own shortcomings and the things others may dislike about me:

• I love my kids to bits and almost certainly talk about them bore other people too much.
• I'm the sort of person who will channel a load of effort into making a beautiful cake, but sometimes I struggle to find that level of focus/determination at work.
• I'm the owner of a fine pair of judgy pants, and I can and will hoik them at will.

Yes I do. I have principles.

I really like my own company. Always have done, hopefully always will. My single New Year's Resolution every year is to continue being content 😌

I'm so grateful for this thread. I have terrible self-esteem and every day my mind reminds me of times I have hurt people (unintentionally mostly or out of frustration) and how I'm not assertive enough and have struggled with friendship groups since becoming a mother. It's exhausting. Can you fix self esteem issues in middle age? I feel like it's an almost impossible task. I have thought this way since childhood. Can I really reprogram myself after all this time? I'm going to read the books that were recommended on here but what else can I try? Has anyone successfully repaired their self-esteem from a very low baseline?

@Ethelfleda my mum always told me I was nasty and that people didn't like me, always compared me to other children.
I hate that I now still do this to myself, I also get strong feelings of jealousy towards other people, not for the material things they have, but for their happiness and family and friendships. It's not a nice feeling and I try to suppress it but I'm sure everyone can see it, which just exacerbates the cycle of hating myself.

God no. I’ve fucked up everything thing I’ve ever done either through pure stupidity or just not thinking. I’ve ruined my own life and that of those around me at times - no one else to blame. I’m a fucking idiot and I hate myself.

@revelsandrose lovely, would you do the same to your child, or any child for that matter? I have no idea what kind of traumas you’re mum went through, or her mum, but that’s not a normal approach to parenting, sometimes the hurt and the despair are hard to get out of.
Rather than suppressing how you feel, detach yourself a tiny bit, remember that it’s the hurt little girl in you that reacts like this. You’re a grown woman now, you can take care of that little girl just fine now, with a lot of love and kindness. That’s what helps me

I like myself personally but I’m a bit embarrassed about myself physically. Not massively overweight but wobbly and saggy.

Lockdown means I don’t have to worry about how I look but I feel a sort of impending disappointment about when we’re let out and I’m still fat and liking frumpy.

@BhuddaAtSea thank you so much, that's so true and actually made me cry, it's definitely advice I'm going to take on board.

No. If I was somebody else I'd hate me, or at least be indifferent. my personality is inherently bad, I'm not the type of person that people want around and never have been and never will.

Yep, absolutely love myself now 😂

@Ethelfleda @Ces6 @revelsandrose
I’m also in this club! It’s so tiring isn’t it? I’d honestly thought it was just me that felt like this. I’m starting to recognise now that the time when my head gets very crowded with negative self thoughts coincides with a change in hormones due to my cycle.
Some CBT helped to put distance between me and these thoughts but it’s an ongoing battle.

I always worry I am not kind enough, clever enough or as switched on as everyone else. I have near constant imposter syndrome at work and feel like my parenting skills are substandard

I hear you sister

@revelsandrose you’re welcome.

Guys, nobody is inherently bad, we’re moulded by out experiences. Any trauma leaves deep neuropaths that channel reactions towards the same old shit, feeling of self loathing etc.

We expect people to give us the time of day and try and work through whatever armours we are hiding ourselves under. We just want to be found, discovered and loved/cherished.
That’s not how it works. Filling a hole with stuff coming from the outside, in amounts and compositions we have no control over, is never going to make us whole, it won’t heal us. That friend who checks in on us permanently will soon become tiresome, make us more paranoid etc. That lover who won’t give us love on tap, seemingly oblivious to our needs, won’t heal us, it’ll fill a hole temporarily.

It’s the same old cliche: love yourself first.
Seriously.
Nothing woo or too deep. Start with a hot shower in the morning. And if the shower head is just trickling water, change it to a powerful one. And if you’re using a dry slither of soap to wash with, go out and buy a really nice smelling bar of soap. And if your shower normally turns into a family show, with kids wandering in and out, the cat shitting in the litter and your partner yelling have you seen my socks, put a lock on the door. They won’t die for 5 minutes.
Start small.

I remember the first time I used a dry towel to dry myself. It was a bit of a lightbulb moment, I’d always shower the kid first, then let exH shower in peace whilst I put the kid to bed, then I’ll have a shower. The towel was damp by then and it seemed a waste to get a fresh one for me alone. One day I used a fresh one and my god that felt nice. We always had huge huge bath towels, a pain to wash and dry, so we’d all use the same one. I went out the next day and bought a smaller one for me alone, so I always had a dry towel. Just a silly thing like that.

That kind of stuff.

Oh goodness, this feels like it's just opened up a huge can of brain worms...

Do I like me? I have no idea.

When I thought about how to describe me, the first words that sprang to mind were: fat, slovenly, slob, lazy, fake, loud, brash, useless with money, greedy... the list could go on.

But I know that I'm a good friend. I'm kind, funny, warm and will always help people. I go out of my way to make people feel good about themselves and I focus on others, not me. My children and my husband are the centre of my world, and I will do anything to make them happy.
I also know that I'm quite smart and I work incredibly hard. I started my own company a few years ago which is doing well.

I know I have good qualities. But all I can see is the negatives and the things I'm not. I focus on how I could always do better and be more. I worry that I'm successful by chance. I worry that my team don't like or respect me. I worry that my children don't love me. I worry that friends bitch about me behind my back. I know I could do more at work, more at home, be more for my husband and children. I'm realising, writing this, that I don't feel like I'm enough.

So no, I'd say, reading that, I don't really like myself, and that's so sad.