Do you like yourself?

[HateIsNotGood]

I do - the 'lockdown' has confirmed to myself that yes, actually I do like myself very much - 'warts' and all. I was never consumed with 'self-hatred' nor [in recent years] to be too cocky about myself.

But yes, loads of extra time with myself, confirms I'm very happy being me.

YANBU - you're happy with being you
YABU - you're not or too pissed off to even consider yourself, etc

Absolutely not! Whatever I do I feel it just isn't enough in any arena (totally self - generated, no one in my private or work life makes me feel like that).

@Ethelfleda - I identify with you absolutely! I would never knowingly or intentionally harm or hurt any other living thing, but I cringe when I think about things I have said or done in the past, which have, unwittingly, caused upset to others

As a consequence, I too, live a life of comparative solitude and simplicity, rarely socialise or interact with others, and prefer to spend my time amongst plants and animals! It helps that I am naturally very reserved, in real life, an introvert, and, quite possibly, autistic.

I suspect though, that you, I, and others who feel similarly, ARE too hard on ourselves and should accept that we are, as is everyone else, imperfect human beings, full of faults, imperfections, failings and blemishes.

Still useful and valuable members of the human race though

Thank you BeeKeeper
I am an introvert too.
It’s humiliation that I have a fixation on. In my heard, if I manage to summon up the courage to talk in front of a group, everything I say is embarrassing and they’re all looking at me and mocking me. Mad isn’t it?

Anyway, a very nice MN user just inboxed me with a recommendation for a book called ‘Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts’ and the reviews look good so I might order it.

to you. I’m sure you are a nice person and don’t deserve how hard you are on yourself.

It depends who I am around. If I am around some people I feel like an awful person, no worth etc. But some friends really boost me up and I feel special and a good person.

@Ethelfleda we ALL have embarrassing incidents and foot in mouth moments - they make amusing threads here and articles elsewhere, and a lot of comedy is built on them! it's just part of human life.

It"s possible for both to coexist. I like myself, but I do fairly often writhe with embarrassment or guilt at things from year ago. I think "fool" and then I remind myself that the fool is the person journeying through the tarot pack and we're supposed to be the fool on life's adventure. So I'm reconciled to my foolishness.

I love my own company. Am perfectly happy spending days and days alone when kids are at their dad's. I have enough facetime chats etc to keep me in the loop. I've been trying unsuccessfully to lose weight for about 20 years, with the only difference being I'm about 3 stone heavier now than when I started and I really would like to make this the year I change that. I get cross with myself every morning because the previous night I drank wine or snacked having being totally on it all day.
I do feel sometimes far less interesting than my colleagues who all seem to have more hobbies, more things to say that aren't about kids or work than me, but, 45 I am less bothered about being in the 'in crowd' than I used to be.

@Ethelfleda Thank you. That is really interesting about anxiety. I have been diagnosed with anxiety but tend to think it's just my personality. This thread is making me think I should do more to actually deal with it. (And barely a day goes by when I don't rake over embarrassing incidents, sometimes decades in the past which make me feel worse ).

i like myself but i also acknowledge the many, many flaws i have .

I detest myself. I hate looking in the mirror. I hate getting dressed as I have to see my body. My internal voice tells me multiple times an hour what a waste of space disgrace I am. I guess it comes with being anorexic. Lockdown is making it all a lot harder.

Nah. I hate the way I look. I can always find something wrong with me. It’s irritating. 😩

I have never liked anything about myself and can't see that I ever will.

I wish I felt differently.

Not in the least, if I stop to think about it - and I fill my days so that I can avoid thinking about it wherever possible. In fact I literally dislike every facet of my personality and am astonished that some of the people around me haven't figured out what I'm like/tolerate me. Some days it's just a relief that i know I'll eventually die so i won't have to be in my own head any more.

I haven't always liked myself but yes, I do now
What's not to like. I get it now.
Until about 45 I struggled with feelings of shame and inadequacy though. Lot of childhood emotional neglect, abusive relationship followed. So, it mightn't sound like that much to be able to say 'yes I like myself' but I am surprised I am feeling so certain that I do! Phew.

Oh this thread is sad.

There needs to be more of a prescribed roadmap for people who want to like themselves.

Is there a formula do you think?

This is a topical question for me, I’ve been working on my self worth throughout lockdown.

How much I like myself swings (or used to swing) wildly depending on my achievements and the actions of others. I’ve been working on having a base level of self worth that is not dependent on external validation.

A friend and I have been listening to a book on Audible called “the 21 self love challenge”. It’s not perfect (as none of us are) but I would still recommend, it’s been a really good way to focus, and each daily chapter is only a couple of minutes.

and am astonished that some of the people around me haven't figured out what I'm like/tolerate me

Me too. In fact, sometimes I have less respect for someone who seems to like me because I think they must be a poor judge of character! How self-indulgent is that!

The other part that is quite difficult is, there are things you can do to try and change things but it’s hard to muster the inclination when you already don’t feel you’re worth the effort.

I go through periods, I'd say from 20-38 I was happy and liked where I was in the world and liked myself, confident and I've never really worried about other's opinions.

My hormones right now are haywire and make me question everything, so it's hard to find "myself" I feel I've lost my identity since 40s I'm 45 now and trying to get back to being "me" but right now it's tricky.

But I do know the feeling well so I know I can get it back, I I do read so much about this foggy time.

@Ethelfleda and @Ces6 you have both written exactly how I feel about myself too. I was always told I wasn't a good person and I still completely believe this. I had cbt several times which didn't help, then had talking therapy which really really helped but it was through a charity so a limited number of sessions. I take medication now which kind of helps but just masks it really, it's still there but it doesn't make me feel as bad anymore.
I often go to sleep at night thinking of all the "bad" things I've done that day and how tomorrow I will be a "better person" I hope one day I will feel happy with myself, and I hope that you do too

I love myself. Not in a narcissistic admiring-myself-in-the-mirror way but I have a healthy dose of self love. It’s other people that piss me off or rub me up the wrong way.

I joined audible last month and tomorrow i get a new credit which i cant wait to use on Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project.

I am listening to Edith Hall's Aristotle's way right now and really enjoying it.

I paid up £22 to listen to alain de botton's An Emotional Education so i have most of that still yo listen to.

At about 45 i stopped reading fiction. I had this feeling that there was so much wisfom out there that other people had published and i was suddenly very keen to catch up on it all. For 30 years approx, 15 onwards. Id only ever read fiction. But i have been happier with myself since i started working at being happier, wiser and less anxious.

No @Ethelfleda describes how I feel about myself. I'm also repulsed by how I look. I try incredibly hard to hide this from my children so they do not see this as normal

Self liking/loving is important. How can we expect others to like/love us if we don't ourselves? So yes.

@revelsandrose Thanks! You too.

In fact, sometimes I have less respect for someone who seems to like me because I think they must be a poor judge of character! you're so right. I can definitely think of occasions where I have pushed people away because of this.

@Kalifa one of the things i want to work really hard at is to not be triggered emotionally by other people.

Im some of the way there, and happier and less anxious for it, but further progress will make me even happier in my own self.

I know im not livingvin a vaccuum, and i don't want to! But recently, a relative of mine was intentionally ostracising me while love bombing everybody else in the group, and stepping back from my emotional reaction to her bullying me and asking myself why i felt what i did, it realky helped me to intellectualise it all and have a bit of mastery over my emotions and my reactions, it took so much unpleasant intensity out of my emotional response to being ostracised. Really helped. Other people can be as rotten as they want and that wont change.

I used to, for years, feel that i could be happy if only x would stop berating me, or if only my mother would acknowledge the effect of her emotional neglect on me, i would finally feel peace!

But i think now i feel more peace from that acceptance that other peoplecare free to be as awful as they decide to be!

Liking yourself is so wrapped up in the freedom from anxiety, overthinking, critical self talk, intensely uncomfortable emotions that have nowhere to go.