To spend most of the day in my room with SC are here?

[AttaHugh]

So on the odd day where both parents are working, my step children have been staying with me. Not a problem, we get on really well.

As it's only the odd day here and there I'm not doing schoolwork with them so our usual routine is get up, breakfast, get dressed, go for a walk for around an hour and a half, come home and I'll tidy up for a bit and then make lunch.

Once lunch is done I usually then spend the rest of the day in my room reading or watching TV whilst they play on their games downstairs. Their room is very small so I just leave them to it in the living room.

I'm not really into making up crafts and baking and stressing out trying to think of things for them to do all day so as it's only the odd day, I usually let them play their games until their dad gets home and we'll do something all together then. I know the rest of the time they are doing schoolwork/crafts etc.. with their mum in the week.

AIBU to leave them to it and do my own thing upstairs for the afternoon?

I've left my own children downstairs while I breathe upstairs they are playing minecraft today they have dragons

@ChrissieKeller61, genuinely something has gone wrong if your older children need constant adult attention! It's not normal for them not to be able to spend a couple of hours in a different room in the same house.
What do they do if they have friends over or go to a friends house? Insist on sitting in the same room as the mum?

I don't see a problem. I used to play for hours by myself in my room at that age - this sounds similar. And my mum often would go and read a book in her room with the door open because it was comfier and quieter if I was watching cartoons or a film. Again, not a problem. If it was all day every day then that would be an issue but it's not. Also I really doubt, at this point in lockdown, that parents are doing hours of crafts and baking!

I’m guessing your children don’t ever question your relationship with them. They have a security in that. It’s different for SC.

You see this is the thing what’s so wrong with stepparenting. The walking on egg shells. You actually are expected to put more thought in to your stepchildren than you are your own just in case they might feel like you don’t love them. You can’t even go and read a book for a couple of hours just in case It upsets your stepchildren!
Maybe if people didn’t actually indulge that crap then children wouldn’t be so sensitive.

I think, from the information we have, these kids have a lovely set-up. They see a lot of both parents and have three(maybe four if mum has a partner) adults in their lives who love them and do varied activities with them. Step-mum cares enough to question what she's doing and ask for opinions on it and is more than willing to provide care when parents aren't able to.

I think it sounds absolutely fine and is in many ways similar to what I do with mine, (13 & 10), who are both with me all day 7 days a week and no other adult at home. We do school work in the morning, then have lunch, then a little bit more work then they go on consoles and I work (I also work early mornings and evenings). I'm fortunate enough to have another downstairs room to work in but if I didn't I'd definitely go in the bedroom because they have friends on speakers and it's distracting. I do that 5 days a week and have no choice.

I bet they love the day of the week when they go there and have an afternoon of gaming and there's absolutely no suggestion that the relationship is a negative one.

I can't believe the people saying they'd be angry, or even sad if their kids were looked after like that. How entitled! My kids have experienced divorce and are independent and not demanding attention all the time - I'd be disappointed if they weren't.

@Theduchessstill what do you want ? A medal ? Some children don’t come through divorce unscathed and need support. It’s not unreasonable to ask the question as to whether that applies in this case or not.

@CaryStoppins obviously something’s gone wrong, the parents have divorced ffs

I’m sure the OP would have mentioned if the kids were traumatised emotional wrecks.

My DC 5 & 8 occupy themselves almost every afternoon, when I have a uni deadline I'm working in my room they will occupy themselves all day. They can make crafts by themselves if they want. They have games, toys and screens and can choose what they want to do. I don't believe kids need or always benefit from constant input and direction.

It’s not unreasonable to ask the question as to whether that applies in this case or not.

What do you expect the OP to do if they are upset about their parent’s divorce? They still need to learn how to be independent and have time where adults aren’t entertaining them.

They still need to learn how to be independent and have time where adults aren’t entertaining them.
Sure but maybe that time isn’t when neither of their actual parents are around.... as I said earlier the OP is basically babysitting... I wouldn’t be impressed if my nanny or childminder fucked off yo the bedroom to read. She’s only got them for a short time, wouldn’t you make the most of it if you actually did love the kids.

A step parent is not your fucking childminder or nanny. If you want one of those you can pay for one.

This isn't the only time OP spends with them either. She has quite clearly said on several occasions that they are there throughout the week and they do things all together as a family with her DH too.

Some of you need to get a grip seriously.

I wouldn’t be impressed if my nanny or childminder fucked off yo the bedroom to read

I'm sorry I'm repeating myself but I'm honestly gobsmacked you would refer to OP as a nanny or childminder.

How entitled can you be.

@CrissieKeller every child needs down time and if you don't like how SM is handleing it you know what to do? Arrange your own childcare Not expect stepmom to do ot for you

It's just yet another example of step parents, step mothers in particular being held to higher standards than actual parents.

I can't imagine a step dad being compared to a childminder or nanny can you? He'd be praised a hero just for 'being there' in the same house.

@RonSwansonIsBuff personally I would rather pay for child care than have the step parent do it but that wasn’t the point at all as you no doubt are well aware.

@Leaannb I doubt the mother even knows what’s going on in her Absense. Perhaps the children will mention it and the shit will hit the fan or maybe the mother’s absolutely fine with it. We’ll never know

@Leaannb - also worth pointing out if the step mother had the children, it’s the father she’s covering for not the children’s mother.