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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend most of the day in my room with SC are here?

92 replies

AttaHugh · 08/05/2020 13:26

So on the odd day where both parents are working, my step children have been staying with me. Not a problem, we get on really well.

As it's only the odd day here and there I'm not doing schoolwork with them so our usual routine is get up, breakfast, get dressed, go for a walk for around an hour and a half, come home and I'll tidy up for a bit and then make lunch.

Once lunch is done I usually then spend the rest of the day in my room reading or watching TV whilst they play on their games downstairs. Their room is very small so I just leave them to it in the living room.

I'm not really into making up crafts and baking and stressing out trying to think of things for them to do all day so as it's only the odd day, I usually let them play their games until their dad gets home and we'll do something all together then. I know the rest of the time they are doing schoolwork/crafts etc.. with their mum in the week.

AIBU to leave them to it and do my own thing upstairs for the afternoon?

OP posts:
EverdeRose · 08/05/2020 18:22

I think of it's 1-2 weekdays a week, even if you're not doing home schooling you could maybe do some type of activity before they go on the Xbox. Maybe a craft, or baking thing.

Aveisenim · 08/05/2020 18:36

I let my own kid do this in the afternoon and I get on with things I want to do. We need that time apart or we drive each other crazy! Grin DC knows they can come to me when they need anything. Why is it so shock horror that a SM let's their SC do this, but if it was their mum it would be perfectly fine? Double standards much? They probably appreciate the time to unwind.

RonSwansonIsBuff · 08/05/2020 18:45

you could maybe do some type of activity before they go on the Xbox

You mean like a long walk?

likeafishneedsabike · 08/05/2020 22:09

It’s not like you ignore them the whole time. You give them breakfast, take them for exercise and then give them lunch. Sounds like a pretty solid effort for a lockdown day if you are not the parent!

Ginkypig · 08/05/2020 22:44

I don't think it's a bad thing but I suppose you could say every so often maybe once a week or fortnight do you want to do anything together this afternoon like a movie afternoon or something else kids?

It shows you want to spend time with them and are interested but showing them that they have the option not to (as they are probably itching to go on the console!)

Wynston · 08/05/2020 23:04

I think we all need a bit of space from each other during lockdown.
I think what you are doing is fine.....but then I spend most of my day trying to hide from mine!
Seems like a nice routine you have.
If the kids are happy thats all that matters.....mine play better with each other if I am out of the equation.

Rosebel · 08/05/2020 23:23

My children like going on their tablets and will happily spend a few hours on them. Let's face it there's not much else to do.
I don't believe anyone interacts with their children the whole day. I'd run out of things to talk about, especially as we're together all day.
I think it's fine. I'll sometimes slip off to my room for a bit of peace and my children know they can call me if need be. If they were 5 or 6 it'd be unreasonable but at their ages it's fine.

HeddaGarbled · 08/05/2020 23:32

I think it’s mostly OK, but I think I’d want to wander through and hang about within earshot periodically, just because siblings can be quite nasty to each other sometimes if they are unsupervised for hours.

Glitteryone · 08/05/2020 23:36

That sounds like what I do with my kids during the day. I see nothing wrong with it at all OP.

You’ve exercised them, interacted with them, fed them. After that they probably appreciate the free time and know that you’re on hand if they need anything.

MintyMabel · 08/05/2020 23:52

I'm only disagreeing with the idea that the kids think I don't like them because of it. Because I genuinely don't believe that to be the case.

I’d think it would be the logical conclusion most adults would come to, and would certainly be a natural thought a child would have.

MintyMabel · 08/05/2020 23:54

That sounds like what I do with my kids during the day. I see nothing wrong with it at all OP.

I’m guessing your children don’t ever question your relationship with them. They have a security in that. It’s different for SC.

CaryStoppins · 08/05/2020 23:56

Absolutely fine! My own 9yo happily spends the afternoon in another room playing his games.

HugeAckmansWife · 09/05/2020 07:21

minty adults who live together usually do not spend all their time in the same room. It's fairly usual to spend some of each day doing different things without assuming it's because one doesn't like the other. Presumably the op is around at dinner time and later too so no, I see no issue with her having a couple of hours to herself and as pp have said, tweens don't want or need constant interaction.

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/05/2020 08:19

Does your DP know and approve ? I’d say you’ve been entrusted with other people’s children to babysit basically which you don’t have to do, but equally would they the parents still want you to look after the children if they knew what was happening? That’s the crux of the matter. I wouldn’t be happy tbh

Burplecutter · 09/05/2020 08:44

Why don't you ask the kids? When you are out for your walk ask what they would like to do in the afternoon? Do they want to play their games or something else. If they say they want to play their games ask if they would prefer you to be downstairs with them are if they are ok with you being upstairs and reaffirm with them that they can come and get you for anything at any time.
Ask when on the walk because they'll probably be more open and chatty then, than when distracted by screens.

I feel like their opinion on it is much more important than random strangers in the internet.

RonSwansonIsBuff · 09/05/2020 09:18

I find it really bizarre that people would actually ask a child of those ages 'do you want me to sit in the same room watching you game or not?'.

Why do they get to decide if OP gets some peace and quiet to read whilst they are occupied with their games? She doesn't have to sit their watching how weird.

Am I the only one who's kids would also find it fucking weird if I just sat there all day in the same room intently watching them play games with their friends?

Honestly, no parent would have a problem doing any of this. Its purely because you're a step parent that anyone is trying to tie themselves in knots thinking of reasons you're being unreasonable.

I do not agree that you disliking them is the logical conclusion a child would come to either. You've obviously been around a while if you're married and you're trusted enough to care for them in the day. You also say you're relationship with them is good. So why would you leaving them alone to do what they want to do for a few hours suddenly equate to you disliking them?

If people honestly follow their kids round the house all day at these ages please stop. Give them some space Confused

RonSwansonIsBuff · 09/05/2020 09:23

They have a security in that. It’s different for SC

So step parents are never allowed to be in another room whilst the kids are occupied with something else for fear they will think you hate them? Really?

I'd say if that's all it takes for a child to think you dislike them, then your relationship will be shit in other ways, not just because you've gone to read upstairs whilst they are talking to their mates on headsets in the living room.

Mine wouldn't even notice if I was there or not when they are doing this.

IronShame · 09/05/2020 10:38

Why on earth should OP check with the parents that they are okay with her reading a book in her room whilst they play games in the same house?

If mum or dad don't like it and want so done hovering around their kids all day, they'll have to source alternative childcare. She's doing them a favour, she doesn't also have to follow a schedule set by the parents or check in with them every time she wants to do something Confused

Kids must really hate this helicopter style parenting. Leave the poor things alone for a bit!

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/05/2020 11:15

@IronShane, if they know the OP is leaving them alone no worries, if I was packing my dc up and sending to another house where they are receiving less attention than they’d get at home I wouldn’t send them. Well tbh mine just wouldn’t go

CaryStoppins · 09/05/2020 11:24

Your 9 & 11 year olds wouldn’t go to another house unless they got constant adult attention? I’m afraid that’s a bit of a parenting failure.

Candyfloss99 · 09/05/2020 11:37

They have a security in that. It’s different for SC

Completely untrue and ridiculous. My step children don't sit around wondering whether I love them or not because I don't sit in a room with them all the time.

Imstillskanking · 09/05/2020 12:09

I’d be pretty sad to think about that happening to my kids

Seriously? You'd be sad that your kid's step mum spent a few hours reading/watching telly in her room on the days that they were at her house?

Give over!

CaryStoppins · 09/05/2020 12:10

I haven't actually seen my 9 year old yet today...

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/05/2020 12:21

@CaryStoppings not really love but if you feel better about yourself for your comments, crack on. It’s very different in divorce situations

ChrissieKeller61 · 09/05/2020 12:22

CaryStoppins

I haven't actually seen my 9 year old yet today...

Now that’s disgusting