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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend most of the day in my room with SC are here?

92 replies

AttaHugh · 08/05/2020 13:26

So on the odd day where both parents are working, my step children have been staying with me. Not a problem, we get on really well.

As it's only the odd day here and there I'm not doing schoolwork with them so our usual routine is get up, breakfast, get dressed, go for a walk for around an hour and a half, come home and I'll tidy up for a bit and then make lunch.

Once lunch is done I usually then spend the rest of the day in my room reading or watching TV whilst they play on their games downstairs. Their room is very small so I just leave them to it in the living room.

I'm not really into making up crafts and baking and stressing out trying to think of things for them to do all day so as it's only the odd day, I usually let them play their games until their dad gets home and we'll do something all together then. I know the rest of the time they are doing schoolwork/crafts etc.. with their mum in the week.

AIBU to leave them to it and do my own thing upstairs for the afternoon?

OP posts:
Original poster
AttaHugh · 08/05/2020 13:44

Was on the phone to my friend and she asked what I've been doing with them whilst they were here (she's been doing all sorts of crafts and games and baking and everything it seems with her kids!).

Just made it seem like she thought I should be making more of an effort and got me wondering.

I think I would if they were with me everyday but when it's just one day out of the week, I didn't think it was a problem just letting them game!

OP posts:
Candyfloss99 · 08/05/2020 13:49

Yes it's fine and they'll love you for it Grin

BigBairyHollocks · 08/05/2020 13:50

Your thinking is weird. Since they’re only with you such a short amount of time, why not interact with them in the afternoon? You can read in your room all the other days they aren’t there.Hmm

user200000000 · 08/05/2020 13:52

She does interact with them in the mornings.

BigBairyHollocks · 08/05/2020 13:54

Yes I see that but it’s not difficult to also interact in the afternoon.It’s not very often that they’re there on their own with the OP.

Original poster
AttaHugh · 08/05/2020 13:56

To clarify a couple of things.

They stay here 3 nights a week. Most of those times, their mum isn't working in the day so DH picks them up after work and they come and stay here. Depending whether their mum is working, I will either have them during the day the next day or she'll come and pick them up.

They aren't just here 1 day a week. I'm referring solely to the times when I'm looking after them during the day on my own because both parents are at work. The other days of the week, either my DH is here and we do things all together or they are with their mum.

OP posts:
RonSwansonIsBuff · 08/05/2020 13:58

Who are these people who spend all day interacting with children that age? How tiresome for both the parents and the children Confused

Let's not deny that the kids probably love a bit of time to be on their own speaking to their mates playing games. They don't won't some adult hovering round all day.

RonSwansonIsBuff · 08/05/2020 14:01

it’s not difficult to also interact in the afternoon

For who's benefit though? The kids probably love being left alone for one afternoon a week after spending the rest of the week doing schoolwork and other things with their parents.

Imstillskanking · 08/05/2020 14:09

If they're 12 or younger then it's not OK, they need input and supervision.

I strongly disagree. If they are VERY young, ie 2 or 3, then obviously they need constant supervision to ensure their safety. But if they are old enough to go about their business in the house without seriously injuring themselves then it's not only fine to leave them alone to do some things, it's actually a great way to foster their independence and allow them to grow as people. Besides, there's a lock down on - you can't spend every waking minute doing structured activities. That sounds bloody awful for everyone involved.

user2085372673 · 08/05/2020 14:10

I think it would be nice if you popped down for 30 minutes and played a quick game of cards with them or something. I think you know that though. Reading a book on your own is much more relaxing than playing games with kids, so I understand why you are doing it, but in my opinion it’s not ok. I’d be pretty sad to think about that happening to my kids

RonSwansonIsBuff · 08/05/2020 14:14

I’d be pretty sad to think about that happening to my kids

You'd be sad at the thought of them spending one afternoon a week doing what, let's face it, they'd probably rather be doing?

user200000000 · 08/05/2020 14:17

I think the kids would be very sad to have to play a forced game of cards with the OP rather than doing what they like best. Which is interacting with their friends online, considering they can't do that in RL atm.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 08/05/2020 14:18

I see no problem with this one afternoon a week, for a few hours, so long as their devices are safe, and you can ensure they're not playing inappropriate games, talking to dodgy people, or viewing inappropriate websites.

user1468953505 · 08/05/2020 14:38

It's not how I would spend the day with my kids but it doesn't make you bad.

To each is own. If they don't seem unhappy then it's fine.

(I personally love doing school work, crafts and baking. The kids gaming all day would depress me).

funinthesun19 · 08/05/2020 14:40

I’d be pretty sad to think about that happening to my kids

How entitled is that? Dumping them off with the stepmum and then getting “sad” about the stepmum choosing how she looks after them. It’s not all arts and crafts and baking.

dontdisturbmenow · 08/05/2020 14:42

You're doing them a favour. It's very good for kids to learn to entertain themselves, using their creativity and imagination.

Kids nowadays are much to reliant on others to be entertained leaving bored the moment they're not stimulated. They then really struggle when they turn teenagers to think ahead, plan, decide what they're interested in.

Good on you to give them some free time to occupy themselves.

magicfarawaytrees · 08/05/2020 15:37

I think that sounds absolutely fine after a busy morning together. So long as they know they can come and find you if they need you without getting short shrift.

Macncheeseballs · 08/05/2020 15:40

Watching tv during the day in this weather is a bit weird

FrowningFlamingo · 08/05/2020 15:43

They probably quite like the independence.
Could you not just ask them? ‘Did you want to do something or shall I pop upstairs for a bit?’ You’ll soon know!

Allfednonedead · 08/05/2020 15:48

Hah! I do this with my own DC (9,7,7), so of course I think it's fine.

I would have hated if my parents were always looming over me at that age, they're plenty old enough to spend a few hours without an adult in the room.

Original poster
AttaHugh · 08/05/2020 15:53

Watching tv during the day in this weather is a bit weird

We don't have a garden unfortunately so we can only spend it outside when we're out walking. Usually go every morning/late morning for a couple of hours. Sometimes I'll read on the doorstep ha!

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 08/05/2020 15:59

Ignore the snobbishness about TV. I have a garden and am still using the time to bingewatch box sets and films I want to see in the afternoons

Crickets · 08/05/2020 16:03

You've done loads more than I have with my DC. DC of that age should entertain themselves. Letting them have the living room to play games is kind, I've turfed my DC to their rooms for a bit. (Shrug).

DC and I have hayfever and so will not be going outside today I've done a massive tidy up so I'm now sitting down with a coffee. May watch a film or watch Better Things. If DC want to come down here, I'll go upstairs for a disco nap.

HugeAckmansWife · 08/05/2020 16:18

I do quite similar with my two who are also that age. We do lots of direct interaction. But I also spend chunks of time in the kitchen or garden doing something I want or need to do while they entertain themselves. Sometimes on screens sometime not. I think it's the 'stepmum' bit which is why you're getting a hard time from some. 9 and 11 are far from babies and you are moments away if they want you

RonSwansonIsBuff · 08/05/2020 16:39

I'll go upstairs for a disco nap

I like your style. Isn't that the best bit about your kids growing up? Being able to catch up on all the sleep you lost Grin

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