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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the commute is not too much for this job?

90 replies

Dranktoomuchpepsi · 08/05/2020 13:20

The job is 27-30 miles away. 5k salary increase. I think it would be fine. DH says not a good idea (too far a commute time). We have 1 DC who would be in nursery whilst I'm working.

DH can't do drop off/pick up as he doesn't drive.

AIBU to think it's okay? Or is it too much of a commute? Not London, no.

OP posts:
rwalker · 08/05/2020 15:38

hour each way is about the norm o/s London

TerrifiedandWorried · 08/05/2020 15:40

No DH would not do nursery run on a bike
I suspect this sentence is rather important. What hours does he do? Is he close to the nursery?

couchlover · 08/05/2020 15:45

We used to commute 15 miles and that too just over 30 mins. We out our children in nursery close to our job so that travel time wasn't taken out of nursery hours plus we were close if they needed us.

LakieLady · 08/05/2020 15:45

@Graphista, you haven't factored in annual leave, which brings it down to £2,115 pa if you get 25 days leave plus bank holidays.

£5k pa works out at £3,400 net, without taking pension contributions into account, so the OP would be just over £100 a month better off.

I couldn't be arsed to do a 50-60 mile round trip 5 times a week for £100 a month.

mindutopia · 08/05/2020 15:49

I have a much longer commute than that. But I wouldn't commit myself to a commute of any sort if I couldn't depend on my partner to do the nursery run. What happens when school starts and pick up is at 3 and you are the only one who can do it? You need to be sharing the burden of dealing with childcare. Then yes, a long commute is totally doable. Mine is much, much longer, but I do the school run (under normal circumstances obviously) 2 days a week and dh does it the other 3. If it's a great move for your career, yes, it could be totally worth it. But not if you'll be the only one running yourself ragged.

Nacreous · 08/05/2020 16:07

My car does about 10 miles per litre. So I would get through about £7-£8 of fuel a day on that salary increase.

£8*250 working days is what, £2k.

£5k salary increase is somewhere between £3 and £3.5k net depending on student loans etc.

So £83 to £125 a month, minus depreciation and wear and tear on the car (300 miles a week so 15,000 a year) and you won't be making much profit on that journey.

And that's without the additional time. It's not gonna take much less than 40 minutes even for the best possible journey at rush hour and more likely nearly an hour. So 7.5 hours a week. That's quite a lot of time to give up.

But I am someone who gave up a career track where I could have made hundreds of thousands to do a (still well paid) but with lower potential option that is closer to home and suits my attitude to work life balance better.

Glittertwins · 08/05/2020 16:10

On the plus side, you are going the opposite way to most. The downside is that that part of the M1 southbound is horrendous for accidents and tailbacks. The back roads around there get clogged up very quickly and it will be stressful too if you absolutely have to be back by a given time for nursery pick up.

TokenGinger · 08/05/2020 16:12

I took a job which was 34 miles away. Biggest mistake I ever made job-wise. I thought it would be fine.

It took between 1.5-2 hours each way depending on traffic. No traffic, it's about 45 mins.

There is no way I'd take that risk now with having a DS. I finished work at 4.30pm and some days I could be home for 5.30-45 on a really good day, but it was usually between 6-6.30 I'd get home and his nursery shouts at 6.00pm.

My annual mileage was almost 18,000 miles just from work mileage, never mind social mileage. That meant two car services a year. Fuel was around £70 a week. Wear and tear on the tyres was awful.

I wouldn't do it again.

I was Manchester, using the m60/m61 for that journey over to Wigan.

sergeilavrov · 08/05/2020 16:22

I’d take the job, if I understood rightly that moving out of your current position has more options for going up the career ladder? Your DH will have to adapt. Either that, or you find a nursery in Milton Keynes and drop your child off on the way to work. This would create less pressure on you, and your husband can find his own way home. When your child starts school, be clear to your husband that he will be doing drop offs and pick ups so will have a certain amount of time to learn to drive/consider options closer to your home/move closer to your job. What is the general childcare split?

My DH used to commute from Abu Dhabi to Dubai at peak time daily, and my colleague commutes the other way. Both were/are fine, and their career trajectories worth it. Sometimes 6hrs in total a day. I’ve done Tel Aviv to Jerusalem too, and enrolled my son in nursery near work to save time.

DareDevil223 · 08/05/2020 16:29

I went from a three miles each way commute to a 70 mile round trip which incorporates the outskirts of traffic jam central Bristol. It can take anything from 45 minutes (vanishingly rare) to well over an hour and a half. It took over my life, stopped me going to the gym first thing, left me tired and stressed and I hated the fucking job as well.

I've been working from home lately which means no commute but the thought of going back has led to me to find another job much nearer home. I am so relieved and I will NEVER do a long commute again.

managedmis · 08/05/2020 16:31

Sounds like DH is getting a sweet deal

Ohohohwhereyougoing · 08/05/2020 16:33

Unless the job has mega promotional value to factor in taking a commute that big for 5k extra is stupid. You'll lose that 5k to travel and the time!

NerdImmunity · 08/05/2020 16:42

My commute is just shy of 30 miles door to door by car. I have to leave at 6am to get there in less than an hour. If I had to do drop off to nursery first (8am drop off) it takes 1.5 to 1hr 45 to get there. Then at least 1hr home (leaving work at 4:30pm) or 1.5hrs home if I leave nearer 5pm.

Distance isn't a great gague - traffic patterns are more of an indicator.

JacobReesMogadishu · 08/05/2020 16:47

Is it a better job not just from salary? From an interest/enjoyment point of view? Career progression? Training?

I’ve taken jobs with worse pay and longer commutes as I knew they’d help my career and were a stepping stone to other stuff.

AdriannaP · 08/05/2020 17:01

Your problem is not the commute or the distance but that your DH doesn’t do pick ups or drop offs.

yelyah22 · 08/05/2020 17:30

It's so dependent on traffic, as other people have said. My 50 mile commute takes an hour door to door because it's all quiet motorway against the flow of rush hour traffic. But from my old house to work, which was 3 miles, could take half of that because of traffic.

NameChange657 · 08/05/2020 18:12

I commute around 40 miles to work, it's around a 30 minute drive if I'm on an early 7am start, or over an hour at rush hour. I personally love it. That time, commuting, is my time. I can sing as loud as I like and just unwind after a heavy shift so that by the time I'm home I'm calm and I've processed everything I need too. (I'm a student nurse), the only problem I have with it is when it's winter and the weather is awful as the main road can get quite bad! Some people thrive with a commute, I wouldn't say it's too much if you think you'd like the job and manage the child care! Good luck

altiara · 08/05/2020 18:14

The problem is your DH not helping with nursery run and you collecting him at 5:30.

The choice to do the extra commute is hard for us to say when we don’t know how ambitious you are and whether 2 years in this job will then get you a big jump in salary for the next role, also whether the new company will let you WFH some days. All we can see is DH is going to support himself first.

Original poster
Dranktoomuchpepsi · 08/05/2020 18:16

Ahh, okay. That's off the list then. I won't do it if it means longer than a 40 minute commute. Guess I'll just have to wait for something to come up within Luton.

I need to be reliably local for DS. He has suspected ASD so it involves a lot of appointments. Being able to collect and drop of fairly quickly is essential on reflection Sad

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 08/05/2020 18:36

M6 - 30 miles during the day around 40 mins. During rush hour well over an hour. The a5 is a lot slower than that. IMO

LonginesPrime · 08/05/2020 19:44

He has suspected ASD so it involves a lot of appointments

I have 3 DC with SEN - I'm a single parent but it sounds like your DH isn't much help when it comes to picking up DC anyway so it's a similar situation, with just one parent able to do that stuff.

In that situation it makes a huge difference being near nursery/school. Especially as DC gets older and there are more appointments/school/LEA meetings.

The alternative is for DH to step up and get involved in DC's schooling, of course.

catsears1 · 08/05/2020 19:50

For me it would depend on the salary, hours, benefits, the route and future job prospects.

20viona · 08/05/2020 19:55

I would never take a job that far away. 4 miles is enough for me!

LakieLady · 08/05/2020 20:07

I would never take a job that far away. 4 miles is enough for me!

Lol, my office is a mile from my house. Because I have a knee injury, I can't walk the mile each way (plus most days I need my car to go out on appointments anyway) and I curse that "commute" some mornings.

On a rainy Tuesday morning, that mile can take 25 minutes. Why the traffic is always worst on a Tuesday, I have no idea, but it is.

AdriannaP · 08/05/2020 20:22

Seriously OP your husband needs to step up!
I have a long commute 2-3 days a week (pre-COVID of course) and on those days my husband deals with drop off, pick up, dinner and emergencies. It’s called being a parent!
I support his career by doing the same on the other 2-3 days a week.