To complain about this policeman?

[shabbi]

Okay, short backstory.

Ex has been a continuous nightmare. He's been arrested multiple times, eventually charged with harassment.
Arrested again and bailed.

We moved to this house so he wouldn't know where we lived (he was turning up at the last one).
He then moved in with estranged family two minutes away a few weeks later.

Yesterday, he saw us as I was playing with our little boy.
He didn't approach us, he went up onto the nearby high path staring at us.

We live very close to there and could see him hovering so took a detour home, but could see him for twenty minutes pacing back and forth in the same spot looking directly at our house and watching for us.
In my head, he's clearly desperately trying to find out where we live and I found that ridiculously scary last night.

Anyway, I just rang the police helpline for advice especially with an ongoing investigation after him already being charged, and the man I spoke to was awful.
He could've politely told me there's nothing they could do about it and sympathised but he continuously interrupted me scoffing and saying "well, he's hardly outside your house, is he? What do you expect us to do?"

He was really patronising and made me feel so stupid. He wasn't outside my house because he doesn't know where we live (after we had to quickly move for our own safety), so I find it very alarming how desperately he's trying to find out.

Anyway, should I complain? I'm in two minds. I felt so put down when I was already completely panicked visibly watching that situation, but I don't want to be patronised again and be told essentially he was right and to suck it up.

Yes - complain and I would also call again and insist you’re taken seriously.

My god, what a twat of a policeman, and as for the ex! Put a complaint in

Yes, absolutely. More importantly, contact the police again to re-report this issue. There are too many women (and sometimes children) being seriously injured or murdered by psychotic ex-partners to tolerate this. Don't let this incident dent your confidence. You need to report your ex every single time he steps out of line. He is a threat. You need protection.

I should've added - my partner forced me to ask his name and he slightly changed his tune after that!

He said he'd pass it on to the officer who deals with this stuff to see if they think it stands for anything.

What do you expect the police to do though? They are really busy and unless you have an order on your ex, their hands are tied. Can’t you get an injunction against him?

@AlwaysCheddar I've asked this stuff before and they say that because he's already been charged with harassment and it's on record, it's technically in place from that anyway

No idea if it’s true but you need to find out if there is a harassment order in place for certain.

@AlwaysCheddar I definitely will be getting some clarity today! I get told different by different people!

Yes I would report him.
Phone it through to 101 as this will create an incident number & be logged properly.
Just to add though it was probably not a Policeman you spoke to. Most likely Police staff.

It won’t have been a police officer you spoke to but a civilian call handler.
From reading your OP it’s not clear but did you call when he was outside or wait until a day after to call? If you waited there wouldn’t be much they could do other than inform the officer in charge of your case for them to decide whether this could be added to your ongoing case of harassment because there was nothing actually happening at the time of the call?

If he's been charged and is pending a court appearance you can ask that the court considers bail conditions such as not to go to a certain area or to live somewhere else away from your address because he's been following you around trying to find your address.
If the police are rubbish try writing to the CPS, they get a bashing on here but have to take these things seriously. You can get their contact details online.

@Kneadtoknow I was on the phone as we could see him pacing!

I don't think the policeman or police staff, that you spoke to was in the wrong. I don't think there's much you can do about him being in the vicinity, unless you have some sort of order that requires him to be X distance away from you.

OP are you in touch with womens aid or your local domestic violence service for support?

The policeman is disgusting. You should definitely report. He just shouldn't be in his job if he can't understand situations like this.

Of course complain, that’s really horrible.

@shabbi ah I see, it wasn’t clear from your OP. In that case I would complain. To a certain extent what @SweetPetrichor said is right unless he has existing bail conditions but they should have handled the call better

Complain, I would expect that the police record phone calls so it should be easy enough for an investigation to be carried out.

Always make your own recording though when contacting the police, in case their copy gets "lost".

Complain, by phone and in writing, that's disgraceful. I'd almost been persuaded that this contemptuous and minimising treatment of domestic violence had been trained out of the service but evidently not. Women die due to attitudes like this.

People need to stop saying policeman- unless you were put through to a police department there’s a strong chance it was a civilian ( a person just like you) answering in a control room. Does that entitle them to be rude? No absolutely not and on the basis of that I would submit a written complaint. If there is an ongoing case then I would expect the call handler to notify the officer that you’ve been dealing with. If there’s nothing ongoing then they would be looking at the behaviour of the person at the time that you called which on the face of it may not amount to an offence. Unless I’ve misunderstood one of the difficulties is that you have moved to a location which is very close to a relative of his. He may have been estranged from them at the time you moved but apparently is not now. This makes it a bit trickier for the police to action. Was his last arrest & bail in relation to harassment of you and if so are there bail conditions? He may be in breach of those but it’s actually pretty difficult because you’ve both ended up living near each other unknowingly. In any event you should have the matter discussed rationally. If you search on the force website you will find the information about how to make a complaint - it has nothing to do with the CPS. There will likely be a professional standards department ( or individual performing that function) who will review what happened and decide whether the conduct of the call handler fell below what is expected under the circumstances.

I agree with @divebar
It is highly unlikely to have been a police officer. Re: PSD this sounds like it'll be dealt with low level so more likely be words of advice from a supervisor or Sgt. (If they're an officer)
With regards to your ex, you need to see if anything was put in place. If you're not sure I would probably say no. He may have had bail conditions when he was released, but again depending on when he left custody will determine whether they're still active. Did anything get mentioned about a DVPN or Harrasment order?

I'm confused by you saying that "He wasn't outside my house because he doesn't know where we live" and also "could see him for twenty minutes pacing back and forth in the same spot looking directly at our house and watching for us.". The latter statement sounds as though he does know where you live, even if he wasn't directly outside.

I complained about a Police Officer at the call centre a few years ago. If you do a complaint and put the number down you called from they pull and listen to the calls really easily.

Complain.

It's not acceptable and people making excuses for it should be ashamed.

Shit like this is why women end up dead.

I agree that you should complain. Doesn't matter that it's a civilian call handler, they will have been given a lot of training on how to deal with domestic and safeguarding situations and if they are breaching that it is important that their supervisors are made aware because next time the same thing(them being dismissive) could have much more serious consequences.