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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking that our parents are being selfish...

22 replies

sparklygothkat · 17/09/2007 18:42

Lisad123 and I are both pregnant, Lisa is due in 2 1/2 weeks, I am due in 7 1/2 (but have a history of premature births) Our mum and dad are our babysitters the day/night we go into labour, but they keep disappearing down to the family caravan.

M+D said to both me and Lisad today that they want to go to the caravan this week, and yet they know that either of us could go at any point now. We have both said that they can't, because if either of us go into labour, we know they wouldn't come back and would leave us up shitcreak (i know this because I gave birth to Dd1 while they were on holiday and they didn't come home, even though mum was supposed to be my other birth partner)

So are we BU??

OP posts:

goingfor3 · 17/09/2007 18:44

Your lucky you have family around to help at all. They can't put thier lives on hold for you. Saying that if my mum went shopping around the time I was due I insisted on knowing exactley which shops she was planning to visit incase I needed to contact (wouldn't use a mobile)!

compo · 17/09/2007 18:45

yanbu
It's a bit much to go 2 weeks before your sister is due. Will this be their last trip?

HonoriaGlossop · 17/09/2007 18:46

hmm, maybe they are going this week as it's still a while away from due dates? It would be different if they did this in two weeks time....though of course, things can happen early.

Is there absolutely NO-ONE else you could ask? It doesn't actually sound as if they want to do it very much - I mean not coming back last time when their dd was in labour, tells it's own story, surely?

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 17/09/2007 18:46

they are the only people that can help though MIL is disabled, and the rest of the family live far away.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 17/09/2007 18:47

Its our own caravan, they spent 5 of the 6 weeks weeks down there, and it will always be there, as we own it

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 17/09/2007 18:48

They didn;t come home, even though Dd1 was premature and very poorly, for TWO weeks..

OP posts:

goingfor3 · 17/09/2007 18:48

Unless you go into labour at the same time you can help each other out.

lisad123 · 17/09/2007 18:48

I could ask sparkly to help but if itsba school day we live 30 mins away and so ones kids would be late to and from school.
I have no other family here DH family live in wales.

Original poster

sparklygothkat · 17/09/2007 18:49

we have said that if that happens we would help each other out.

OP posts:

newgirl · 17/09/2007 19:14

i would get a back up plan - they dont sound that keen to help tbh

charliecat · 17/09/2007 19:18

Can you not have each other kids?

lisad123 · 17/09/2007 19:40

we would but we dont live that close and all of our children are school aged.

LizP · 17/09/2007 19:55

What about asking another parent at the school ? Thats what most people I know do. Children think it very exciting having a bag packed and going off to a friends house in the middle of the night. Then they all go to school together and get to spread the news.

startouchedtrinity · 17/09/2007 19:57

What about mates? We had dd1's friend the night her mum went into labour. It seems normal around here for mums to offer, I know I wasn't the only one to ask my friend if we could help, I was just the closest!

DumbledoresGirl · 17/09/2007 20:02

It wouldn't be the end of the world if your children missed a day off school so that one of you could help out the other. I think you should work out your plan B based on either of you helping the other one out. It is lovely that you are close enough and have that relationship that you can do it IMO.

Your parents are being a bit inconsiderate but I expect they think this will be their last chance to get away for some time.

lisad123 · 17/09/2007 20:03

well i wont answer for my sister but my dd has only startedschool 2 weeks ago and i dont know any of them well enoughyet. My best friend is my back up but her dd goes to another school, but is there if i need her.

scattyspice · 17/09/2007 20:07

My MIL booked a holiday to France 2 days after my DueDate as she thought somehow the baby was garunteed to be born on the DD . She did cancel it though.
TBH I don't thinkyou can ask her not to go away for 71/2 weeks. Thats a bit unfair.
You need back up.

lisad123 · 17/09/2007 20:08

LOL, I got told at school that dd should not miss school "its her education you know" hehe
We have got back ups, but its just so that they know they are our first call, and they still do it.
We dont ask them to babysit often either.

DumbledoresGirl · 17/09/2007 20:09

Yes but imagine the education your dd would have watching her aunt going into labour!

LazyLinePainterJane · 17/09/2007 20:17

I think that you and your sister should work out your plans imply involving each other.

I do not think YABU, if your parents agreed that they would help you, then they should keep that agreement (dire situations withstanding) and help you out. However, it seems that you cannot rely on them.

noonar · 17/09/2007 20:24

i had a massive falling out with my mil for very similar reasons. she wanted to go away for the weekend on my due date. she thought i was being hugely unreasonnable for feeling hurt/ like she wasnt 'being there' for us. she and FIL totally ostrecised (sp?) me at 38 weeks pg.

alicet · 17/09/2007 20:51

YANBU! Anyone who wants to appreciate just how imminent Lisa's baby could be needs to read some of the due Oct antenatal threads to see she has probably been in hospital at least 3 times a week for the last month, has been having contractions off and on for at least a couple of weeks and all sorts of complications that make premature labour an almost certainty!

I think your parents are being selfish but unfortunately there isn't probably anything you can do about it apart from let them know how you feel... And make sure you have backup plans that are a little more reliable!

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