To ask you to kick me up the arse

[Shatandfattered]

I'm in such a rut it's utterly shocking and I'm sick of feeling shit, behaving shit, eating shit, and doing shit all!

I'm a SAHM and carer to DS12. I also have DD8 AND DS10mnths..... I feel like I'm being the most rubbish mother right now and don't feel like I had great habits to begin with.

Basically, I have absolutely terrible sleep hygiene and have never been a morning person which of course isn't compatible with a 10month old who regularly wakes up at night. I can start out with all the intentions in the world to go to bed when he does but will really struggle to switch my mind off and will either roll around for hours or end up picking up my phone. Have my phone constantly on eye comfort backlight to prevent the blue light triggers to my brain but it clearly doesn't help.

Next issue, I have absolutely zero motivation and I am one horrible person to be around. I feel like I'm constantly either nagging and shouting at my kids or I'm trying to get the little one to nap and telling the other ones to bugger off quietly and the guilt is overwhelming. I truly feel like I'm having a huge impact on their emotional needs right now and I'm so frustrated and upset with myself but don't know how to get out of it.

Next issue is motivation. I have no routine or get up and go and basically feel like a lazy cow. I either have sporadic bursts of blitzing a room from floor to ceiling, or I revert to the sofa and do bugger all so it all piles up again because I have no willpower or energy.

I'm eating tons of absolute crap, hardly drinking any water and rely on soda far far too much, I have debts and live UC payment to UC payment and never ever have money to get through the month cause I'm crap at managing it, I'm not out getting exercise and fresh air. I also usually have some form of physical complaint such as headaches, aches and pains, lethargy, nausea and I really honestly wonder if I'm making it up in my head to excuse myself for my utter laziness! I've often wondered if I'm deficient in Vitamin D or b12 and this could be the root of a few of my issues as I have PCOS and I believe they go hand in hand but obviously my hands are tied with getting any investigation done on this.
I'm wallowing in my own pathetic self pity and shit life syndrome with every bit of knowledge of what I need to do to feel better but no idea how to get the motivation to start to turn things around.

I realise I sound like a pathetic self indulgent negative bitch and I am more than willing to hear such as I need to be told, but what I guess I'm looking for is tips, help, stories of experience of turning bad habits like mine around. My brain will run a million miles an hour at night of the day I wish to have the next morning, I'll write lists of tasks and I'll have such good intentions but when I wake up I'm back to the bitter lazy idiot again! How do I get myself to grow the hell up and grab the day by the balls?!

I definitely don't have the same oomph in me as I did yesterday! Battling on though, I've heard that little voice in my head whining at me for a nap and an excuse to skip the walk but I'll fight it

Oh yes, do a load of stuff when you feel unaccountably full of energy, then crash and burn for a day or two. That's normal, too. When you have a day where you feel like you can do it all, DON'T! But anyway, you don't have to do the same again today, you can bask in the flow of all the good stuff you did yesterday, and write down a few bullet points of things you'll do tomorrow. (My life depends on lists)

Or you can bask in the glow!

Accountability 😁

Well done! Keep it up!

How’s today going @Shatandfattered?

I'm not smart today at all. Stupidly drank rather too much red wine last night and have a rotten hangover and stuffy head to match it so I doubt I'll be much use for the duration of this day absolutely not envy!

That’s ok. Have you had lots of cups of tea and some fizzy water? Bit of toast? Don’t despair.

I've been powering the fluids in and the dispersible paracetamol and vitamin effervescents have been deployed!

Bravo
Good work
Get back on your horse
Gentle trot rather than gallop

I find it easy to fall off the wagon too but have promised myself I'll do some exercise today. And now I've put it out there on mumsnet, I'll feel like I have to!

Bloody hell. Give yourself a break lovie!! Jesus. Reading that was torture. You are so hard on yourself. I agree that it sounds like you have a few bad habits but don't we all? I think it's really easy to imagine that everyone else is leading some kind of Instagram mum life, where they wake up at 4am to do their yoga, then go running, then make a healthy nutritious breakfast for their kids before setting off to their high flying city job where they save the world for a massive salary, all whilst looking like a super model. It's bullshit. Most people don't live like this.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't work on yourself. I think that we can all make changes to improve our lives, and that should be encouraged. Absolutely make improvements where you can. But please don't just sit there thinking about how shit you are. It helps nothing and it's honestly not true. You love your kids, you are a carer which is fucking hard work and tests anyone's mental fortitude, and you are here now reaching out to people for advice about how to improve things. Sounds like you're doing pretty well. Be nicer to yourself.

@Imstillskanking thank you very much. I am rather hard on myself but I'm getting better. I go between being super hard-on myself and stressed to "meh, stuff it all" and flopping on the sofa with a family sized bar of chocolate for one and ignoring all responsibility . I don't suppose it helps that most people I know are quite anal with cleaning.

4.5 miles with the kids tonight nearly didn't even go!

Accidentally posted an identifying link! So, I signed up to this NHS ran online support group and diet rebooting scheme called second nature to get my arse in gear with the eating and exercising. they even send you an activity tracker and tracked activity scales! It's expensive at £15 per week but to be honest I spend more on a takeaway more than once a week

I do realise I'm monologuing at no one but this is my way of self accountability and being able to look back on progress for now

Op, I havent read all replies but have you tried using headphones in bed to get to sleep? I suffer the same as you with thoughts whizzing around my head and not being able to switch off, then reaching for my phone which makes it worse as I just wake up even more.

I recently brought a Bluetooth sleep headband and its made the world of difference.

I listen to rain sounds on YouTube, or this:

Ive gone from sleeping 2-3 hours to 6 - 7 hours per night. Honestly its changed everything for me.

BTW, I also have a similar personality type to you and seriously lack motivation to do general stuff around the house.

Re: vitamins, i take every morning a whole cocktail of vits, but i find B-vitamins really help with energy levels. I also brought one of those pill holders with the days of the week on, leave it on the kitchen counter so I dont forget to take them and its worked really well. Much better than stuffing a bottle in the cupboard just to forget all about it!

I used to listen to sleep music actually, I might try it out again! Ive just started an Aldi own effervescent mixed vitamin tablet as part of my morning routine and I'm starting Myo-inositol supplementing again which is largely considered a B vitamin. It massively helped me in the past but it's a hard slog of about eight weeks to feel the benefits and effects

Op I could have written your first post. I am mentally and physically exhausted for absolutely no reason and have zero motivation. I find homeschooling too much and so I feel enormous guilt. I have an ‘I’ll do it tomorrow’ mentality but of course tomorrow never comes! I’ve even lost the ability to articulate myself properly or to form coherent sentences.

Well done on starting to make changes, I know how hard it is.

@TiredSloth sorry to hear you are struggling too. If you at any point feel ready to try and turn things around feel free to link arms with me and we'll drag each other out of the fog!

@Shatandfattered as I sit here drinking my third can of Pepsi Max and eating a flake, your response brought a tear to my eye. In real life if people are friendly to me I assume they are taking the piss out of me or secretly laughing at me behind their backs. But as you don’t know me and can’t see me, I assume you are just being nice!

I very very much would like to link arms and be dragged out of my lazy, unmotivated, junk eating haze!

@TiredSloth oh love, I literally think you are me! I don't ever trust that someone just likes me just because! But I'm slowly realising this is down to me not liking myself! Hence the massive overreaching goal of a life overhaul but the past week has shown me that simply walking for ages is helping the rest slot in. If I walk I exercise, I tire the kids out, we get away from screens, clear our heads, I don't want to eat rubbish and cancel my steps out and I sleep better already. I'm not sure if it's coincidence but I've definitely noticed I'm a little bit more cheery through the day these past two days. Kind of a domino effect which makes me feel like I'm actually only putting effort into the one thing! I've signed up to the free map my walk app and added my partner to kind of compete against each other in a fun way, if you're up to it you should join! It's very rewarding to see the routes and steps and times. That alongside signing up to second nature will be my golden ticket to a new me, I'm determined.
Why don't you join me on step counting and check in on each other here, we'll look back and be proud of ourselves

Sorry Shat for some reason can’t tag you! Over the period of lockdown I have started to realise a LOT of things about myself like the fact that without things like the school run and errands to distract me, I am a spectacularly shit mum and human being in general. I have an empty life, am hugely overweight and unattractive, in a crappy relationship and just binge on crap all day whilst my kids watch tv. Sorry for the negativity just had to let it out somewhere! Unfortunately I can’t take my kids out walking as one of them is shielding.

I like the idea of accountability though? Maybe I could have a little list of things I write here that I achieve everyday? I’m hoping to go for a walk everyday on my own when my partner is home from work when he goes back. Your positivity is making me feel it’s achievable.

I'm the exact same! I've been saying partner on here because it's a bit of a mess but basically my ex moved back in for lockdown for the kids sakes and we kind of crossed boundaries but im detached enough to see the shitshow for what it is!
What kind of things do you think you'd like to achieve first?

You sound like me
I have improved allot with my motivation though since I had my dd.
You need to get up everyday and get dressed. Lay your clothes out the night before! Make your bed when you get out of it. Just little things bit by bit. You'll get there