To ask you to kick me up the arse

[Shatandfattered]

I'm in such a rut it's utterly shocking and I'm sick of feeling shit, behaving shit, eating shit, and doing shit all!

I'm a SAHM and carer to DS12. I also have DD8 AND DS10mnths..... I feel like I'm being the most rubbish mother right now and don't feel like I had great habits to begin with.

Basically, I have absolutely terrible sleep hygiene and have never been a morning person which of course isn't compatible with a 10month old who regularly wakes up at night. I can start out with all the intentions in the world to go to bed when he does but will really struggle to switch my mind off and will either roll around for hours or end up picking up my phone. Have my phone constantly on eye comfort backlight to prevent the blue light triggers to my brain but it clearly doesn't help.

Next issue, I have absolutely zero motivation and I am one horrible person to be around. I feel like I'm constantly either nagging and shouting at my kids or I'm trying to get the little one to nap and telling the other ones to bugger off quietly and the guilt is overwhelming. I truly feel like I'm having a huge impact on their emotional needs right now and I'm so frustrated and upset with myself but don't know how to get out of it.

Next issue is motivation. I have no routine or get up and go and basically feel like a lazy cow. I either have sporadic bursts of blitzing a room from floor to ceiling, or I revert to the sofa and do bugger all so it all piles up again because I have no willpower or energy.

I'm eating tons of absolute crap, hardly drinking any water and rely on soda far far too much, I have debts and live UC payment to UC payment and never ever have money to get through the month cause I'm crap at managing it, I'm not out getting exercise and fresh air. I also usually have some form of physical complaint such as headaches, aches and pains, lethargy, nausea and I really honestly wonder if I'm making it up in my head to excuse myself for my utter laziness! I've often wondered if I'm deficient in Vitamin D or b12 and this could be the root of a few of my issues as I have PCOS and I believe they go hand in hand but obviously my hands are tied with getting any investigation done on this.
I'm wallowing in my own pathetic self pity and shit life syndrome with every bit of knowledge of what I need to do to feel better but no idea how to get the motivation to start to turn things around.

I realise I sound like a pathetic self indulgent negative bitch and I am more than willing to hear such as I need to be told, but what I guess I'm looking for is tips, help, stories of experience of turning bad habits like mine around. My brain will run a million miles an hour at night of the day I wish to have the next morning, I'll write lists of tasks and I'll have such good intentions but when I wake up I'm back to the bitter lazy idiot again! How do I get myself to grow the hell up and grab the day by the balls?!

Hi all. It's so overwhelmingly lovely to hear such positive feedback and words of support and encouragement, I really was expecting the opposite I managed to fall over around 1am and I allowed myself to wake naturally at 9:15 just to let my brain relish in an unbroken solid block of sleep. Heaven!
Thanks for the compliments on how I have written my outpouring, it actually just all tumbled out so I'm surprised is was even legible. I really excelled at things like assessments and exams when I took myself back to college after DC1 and learning seems to fulfill me so perhaps I need to find an online course of some sort once I've found a rythym to daily life.
I'm going to get myself going this morning with the kitchen and clearing the fridge before I go shopping later. My biggest task by far is the mountains of clothing I have to put away. I hope it's not just me but it is the most tedious task I have always had form for avoiding no matter what washing, hanging out, drying... No problem. Folding it and putting it away? HAA!
But that's a big bugbear so I think starting small is best and working up to the huge looming task.
I already have a headache from fizzy withdrawals but I'm determined so the water bottle is filled and I'm currently sipping some decaf tea to get me going.
I've also set an alarm for 3pm when I'll stop whatever we are doing and grab the buggy and kids and get out for half an hour or so. Whenever I have managed to drag myself out we've always went after dinner but that just results in me flopping on the couch when I'm home. If I go before dinner then I have no choice but to come back and get on with it.

Someone mentioned me possibly being the type of person that just feels a bit different and it does resonate a bit. I'm a bit of a social chameleon and have been known to adapt to loads of different social circles and situations, but I often find myself lost in my mind wondering who I really am and what part is really "me" if that makes sense. Perhaps my chaotic mind is manifesting physically in my life.

Thanks for all the support once again, it means a huge amount to me. I think I'll stick to the idea that I should pop back on for some accountability on breaks/start/finish/bad moments of the days and see how I go. I don't mind if I come on to talk to myself most of the time, I know it's all out here on a public forum so it will hopefully embarrass me into shaking myself out of the humps.

Speak soon to whoever is brave or bored enough to stick around and hear my drivel

Oh my that response got a little (LOT) longer than I meant it too

*to not too! Dear god my brain clearly isn't in hear at all yet!

You’ve cheered me up
Good for you. Don’t worry if you find yourself going off piste, be kind to yourself and keep going. Fizzy water is a great idea if you are missing that.
I too have a clothes mountain. Do a tiny bit and I will too. Promise.

Definitely not alone. Place marking for tips on motivation. Good luck

You’re doing brilliant keep going

You’ve articulated what you want to change so do so bit by bit. They’re all linked - fix one the other tumbles into place.

I would focus on diet first. Make that your priority right now. Eat all the nutritious foods you can (that doesn’t mean no snacks or boring foods, just as much veg as you can get). Diet is so important for my mood.

With a change in diet just few days you’ll notice you have more energy.

With this new found energy tackle your tasks. Do the most tedious chores first thing so that’s out the way and you’ve achieved that if nothing else that day. Get out on your daily walks, make it non-negotiable you need to get out and walking at least 5x per week.

With this uptake in activity you’ll find you sleep better.

A more rested mum will have more patience with the young ones.

Good luck!

OP I'm so like you as well, although my kids are older now - 11 and 16 so really no excuse for me. You're still in the midst of babyhood and childhood. I wish I had an answer for you. I'm the exact same - I LOVE cleaning videso and could watch them all day. For example I moved house just before lockdown and still have boxes that haven't been unpacked. One thing that helped me when I was at your stage though was Flylady. Have you ever looked at it. I think the idea of changing ONE THING at a time is a good tip. Hers is - clean your sink before bed. We could start a thread on here to motivate ourselves - would anyone else be in? Something where we have to be accountable. I have all the theory, but I just need to do it. For me it's all about small changes - I'm great for thinking I'm going to do xyz, but it's actually doing it that's the problem. Lets change one thing at a time. In eastern medicine/practice I've heard them talk about the power of 5 mins. Flylady talks about the "power of 15 mins". In fact you've inspired me now. I'm going to try and set my timer and clean up for 15 mins. I used to find it good as a 10mth old should be ok on the floor for 15 mins with toys - I think!!!! I'll be your buddy if you like :)

Try sparkling water and squash? Or one of those sparkling water-y cans like Pellegrino orange - I think they're better than coke etc but I could be wrong. You can get sparkling water for next to nothing in aldi and add in a dash of squash and some ice. God I wish someone would move into my house and whip my ass into shape - in all senses of the word!!!!!

What about a blog, or a diary. You write very entertainingly. You have fans already from here lol!!! We would follow you :)

Oh, definitely sparkling water. You can get 2l for about 20p, considerably cheaper than soda. I usually add a bit of PLJ to it.

Pickled onions make undressed salad more interesting.

Was it OP or someone else who talked about spending ages reading and watching things like Marie Kondo and Flylady? I'm exactly the same - found Flylady in 2006 and still haven't got further than making the bed every morning and washing up every night!

In the Housekeeping section there is an accountability thread for those following Flylady, very friendly and chatty (I've been lurking for a couple of years). There are lots of people with various different challenges, including illness or disabilities in themselves and children. They're the Fledglings and the current thread has a Maypole.

Maybe write a small list before you go to bed of stuff you are going to do the next day. This will help clear your mind for sleep. Things like... put away 10 items of clothing, go outside for 30 mins. Don’t add too much or you’ll feel like you’ve failed if you don’t get thru it. Good luck.

@Sarah510 I'm absolutely up for that! I may start one for us if anyone else shows an interest.

So far so good today! I've done the food shop, put it all away, washed just about every dish in the house, emptied and bleached the bins, cleaned the dreadful halogen oven I had hidden in a cupboard and I've tidied the back door so I can put weedkiller down later and hopefully paint the fence tomorrow. I REALLY need to get Laundry Mountain tamed as soon as possible but if I started with that today I'd end up in a right huff haha!
Small late lunch for now then I'll drag my butt out to pound the streets for an hour. I'm going to go and buy some sparkling water and fresh orange for a bit of homemade SanPel

Good luck op. You're not the only one.

Blocked out some identifying details, but.... Just went a 3 mile walk with the pram! My feet are burning!!!!! Feel like I've accomplished something today at least. Hopefully I don't go down like a lead balloon

Ah OP, you've already made progress. Well done.

My tip, for what it's worth, is when I've got stuff to do at the weekend, once I'm out of bed I literally have to stop myself sitting down again until I've at least made a start on it (and then I find I tend to finish the job anyway). It's really hard but it works for me.

Keep on keeping on!

well done OP. Remember though you don't need to do 3 mile walks - half an hour is good cos you'll keep it up. I'm the same - do a massive walk and then nothing for days lol. You're doing amazing today congrats :)

I actually really enjoyed it to be honest! Lovely weather for it and I like to pound the streets to nosy at the nicer gardens and houses I have I think I'll do one on my own tomorrow and dad can do a smaller one with the kids

*than I have! Typo crazy today

Quick update:
Asleep for half ten last night! Fortunately only one wake up from baby and up this morning at 7:30 feeling surprisingly okay. This morning is where I thought I'd struggle as I always feel incredibly grumpy and still want to get back to bed.

OP, I think you're fantastic! I'm a very all or nothing kind of and am great at starting new habits or projects but less good at finishing them off or keeping up the habit. But what I've found is that committing to eg 15 mins of tidying or a walk around the block every day is enough to get me started but not so much that it feels like a huge thing to start. And after instant, I usually keep going.

Oh, and I've been using lockdown to get my kids to help (11, 8 and 5)- they don't like it, but they will do it. So now they all put their dishes in dishwasher and take it in turns to empty it. They also put their dirty laundry in basket and (sometimes) put the clean stuff away- like you I hate the folding and putting away!

Good luck!- I'm rooting for you and following with interest.

No idea what "after instant" was meant to be. After starting, maybe

OP you are so normal. Life is extremely hard with young kids. Even more so at the moment. I also have a 10month old and the broken sleep is making my life so difficult.

motivation is hard when there is nothing to get up and do.

You seem like your making great progress and being realistic about it too.

I hope you continue! Good luck

Hi OP, well that was a good day! One tip that I picked up from flylady is to use a timer. I now have three around the house. So, laundry mountain. Set your timer for 1 or 2 minutes, and start folding. When the timer goes off, stop and put those away. Then go and do something else. The next time you can face it, do another minute. It chips away at it. Once you've got that pile under control, you can think about the laundry reboot. As follows:
When you come downstairs in the morning, bring down a load and put it in the washing machine. Do that before breakfast. When you stop for lunch, move them into the dryer. Evening, take out, fold, put away. Do that every day. And don't beat yourself up when it all goes wrong, sadly some of just don't have that kind of brain that finds it easy to do. I really don't.

To ask you to kick me up the arse
Are you Bishop Brennan?

@Hingeandbracket it took me a moment to click on there alas I'm not

I've felt like this too. Usually when I've been suffering emotional upset or turmoil. You need to find the little wins as they add up.

Start off with a menu plan. Tell the kids they are only having so many snacks a day, and plan 3 healthy meals for yourself. Shop accordingly (don't buy the thing you love if you can, my nemesis is Nutella and M&Ms, I don't have them in the house except for special occasions now).

Set an alarm to get up at the same time every day. Get showered, dressed into clothes you'd want people to see you in. I also put on some make up (not much atm just mascara and lipstick and eyebrows as it makes me feel human).

What will help you and this kids most is exercise. Take them on a long walk in the late afternoon or two walks, one morning one evening. Get them to do the joe wicks workout on YouTube in the morning and if you can yourself, join in with that.

Depending on their ages, prepare what you want them to do home school wise the next day and write on a list, but don't go too extravagant if you don't have to, with my 6 year old who is getting less interested in homeschool as the weeks pass she has to read a book to me, read some flash cards of common words, do some worksheets from the twinkl site and do some maths factor (Carol Vordermans website).

If your house is clean and tidy you'll feel a hundred times better. If they are old enough rope the kids in to make their own beds or do the dusting. I currently use a list app called spotless to keep on top of things so I don't forget what's to be done, but I would suggest starting with a list of things that need doing every day (make sure kitchen is cleaned and washing up done before bed, make your bed each morning, clean the toilets and sinks every day, put the hoover round every couple of days...that sort of thing). I know I always refer to aslobcomesclean podcasts and books, but her advice really helped me. Clutterbug podcast/YouTube is good too. I find listening to any books/podcasts good company when I'm busy.

Quit caffeine. I used to stay up late and it was a dreadful cycle, I didn't realise I was wired from drinking tea.

Sorry for the essay, but I have felt hopeless myself many times, and I used to think I was shit at everything and in actual fact I was overwhelmed with no emotional or practical support. You have support OP .