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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or are pretty much everyone's neighbours being unreasonable by this point in?

87 replies

huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 19:16

We have naice middle class neighbours who have a right of way over our yard.

They have interpreted this as teaching their kids to cycle in our yard, telling their kids to "go play in that bit" (our yard) and now parking their car in our yard (so as to leave more space in their own yard).

Please tell me that this craziness will end after lockdown (-and that I don't have to go tell them off because I am dreading that as in many ways I like them-).

OP posts:
Notthetoothfairy · 05/05/2020 20:27

Do they stop you doing anything you actually want to do in your yard (eg is that the only place your kids can play) or are you just being territorial?

If the former, ask them to move but if the latter, I would let it slide (it’s already shared with 5 others so not very private).

Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 20:37

Just trying to understand this a little bit better.

Where do you live in The diagram. Is the yard an open, hard topped space that neighbours can drive over, walk over and park in?

How does it impact on you if the children cycle on the space or of they park on it - does it limit access to your home/garden/driveway.

I have had issues with a shared driveway, when I first moved in it was a new build and the houses had been vacant for some time. The neighbours (who don’t have access over it) used 5e space to park and the kids came down the driveways to cycle and play football. It took a while of gently telling the kids it was private property (my neighbour was freaked out about the little girls playing in his back garden😂) and not so gently telling the growing ups to move their cars.

But in this case it was clear hat we owned the lane and they had no business going down it.

letmethinkaboutitfornow · 05/05/2020 20:44

Best neighbours!
Never hear them out-of-hours
Clean streat
Clean front of house
Quiet parenting
Quiet dogs / pets / kids
All sorts of pictures in the windows (not just lockdown)
Rubbish bins pulled out and back with 24 hours window
...and take you in when you lock yourself out! Smile

Told you! The best! Flowers

OneForMeToo · 05/05/2020 20:48

My neighbours kids got taken into care to all is peaceful here.

FeelinFagin · 05/05/2020 20:59

What about installing a gate to their property? (If you have the cash to spare that is) to really drive home that theirs is a separate property with only access through? What do your other neighbours think? I know it's probably just a territorial thing but that's a valid reason anyway. It's yours. It not theirs. You're allowed. They're not. End of.

Onone · 05/05/2020 21:00

Nope my neighbours kids are screaming on their trampoline right now

cookiesdoughalot · 05/05/2020 21:19

Mine have always been weird, creepy staring out the window at us for hours if we are in our garden; performance parenting screamers of children; the children scream scream for hours; Mr Creepy spends days washing his car and stands in your way refusing to move; rarely speaks; grunts and stares; speed cycles into the car park almost taking people out, sweat spraying everywhere...

Now I used to just ignore or maybe I got used to it...didn't want to upset them - I know!!!..... but fuck it I lost my rag with them being COVIDots early on lock down. It was the cherry on top of the icing of a very large cake of having to put up with them for years.

I should have done it years ago, they don't stare out the window anymore, and don't stop dead in front me staring - they move on by. I've stopped being polite to the rude creepy fuckers... it feels liberating to not have to be nice to such awful people.

And when they move (they are selling up) I can finally get my house on the market. I actually felt that couldn't do house viewings with them next door, as anyone who comes to our house dubs them "cookies creepy neighbours"... mainly due to the weird staring thing,

Have a quiet word with them about the car; but don't let it stand as it will start to grate. Maybe they just don't realise.

Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:20

Territorial, absolutely. Just like anyone else on their property. Other people are entitled to park there but these people are not if that makes sense.
the trouble is that any flat owner at any time is entitled to come to me as manager and tell me to sort out XYZ. So there is also the potential for massive massive stress if I get caught in the middle.
Although it’s not private we do have little flower beds round the edge that we tend, taps we get water from -we do potter around that area.

OP posts:
Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:22

“Have a quiet word with them about the car; but don't let it stand as it will start to grate. Maybe they just don't realise.”

That’s a good way to put it. I want to enjoy having them as neighbours but am getting really worried about it

OP posts:
Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:24

“Where do you live in The diagram. Is the yard an open, hard topped space that neighbours can drive over, walk over and park in?”

We live where it says “flats”.
It is open and hard topped and historically they have walked and driven over. But not parked or played in IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 21:28

I lived in an apartment building, the builders gave (sold?) some people living close by keys to the car park - we paid maintenance, lighting etc, and they got free, secure car parking.

We also had a lovely landscaped shared garden that all and sundry came in and used. I couldn’t cope with it, it drove me up the wall.

I moved, communal life just isn’t for me😊

Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 21:29

Tackle the parking, But let the kids play there, you will just look petty if you say something about kids on bikes.

Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:34

Is your thinking itwasntme, that kids on bikes can’t create any rights but parking might?

OP posts:
Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:36

I know this is AIBU but these are really helpful any more views very welcome.

OP posts:
Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 21:46

I suppose my thinking is the kids on bikes don’t cause a nuisance, but the parking takes up space and, yes, unless they have your permission they could argue adverse possession.

I’m not a legal expert in any way, so someone else might be able to advise how likely that would be.

Waveysnail · 05/05/2020 21:49

Talk to them.about the parking. I'd let kids ride bike if not.casuing damage or harm

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 05/05/2020 21:51

YABU about the naice !

It wasn't THAT amusing the first time around

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 05/05/2020 21:56

If the kids are stuck in a flat in lockdown, and you don't need the space yourself, let them play.

Car parking on the other hand, nope.

Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:59

The trouble with the kids is that I remember all the games my own children played there :) but it’s just outside my office.
A year ago it was one little dot on super-cute stabilisers.
But now it’s four of them making up complicated games.
But still young enough that a parent has to be there to supervise.
And don’t get me started on how it will be in three years’ time... when friends come over.

I have two private areas on either side of the yard and so when I’m peacefully pottering I have to go back and forth....

I would totally accept the little ones riding through the yard to reach the lane and seeing them go back and forth but “home base” should be in their own garden I think.

OP posts:
Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 21:59

“If the kids are stuck in a flat in lockdown, and you don't need the space yourself, let them play.”

No they have a huge and beautiful garden of their own

OP posts:
Itwasntme1 · 05/05/2020 22:03

THis sounds like a Civilised chat you could have with the parents.

Parking has to be restricted to those who have a legal right. More than happy for kids to cycle back and forth etc, but ask if they can keep the noise down and use their Own garden for the noisier Games, because it’s disturbing your work.

Keep it light and friendly - but firm.

Of the parking persists, drop them a note.

Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 22:07

That is helpful it wasn’t me. Thank you.

Obviously there can be a tendency to “speak in the moment” so I will practise what you said so that if I do say something at least it will be something reasonable.

OP posts:
thegcatsmother · 05/05/2020 22:18

You could suggest if they want to park there, that they will be liable for a share of any costs that are incurred for resurfacing and maintenance of the entire area. Alternatively, you could charge by the hour for them parking....

i get very cross about this as my neighbour has a right of way over my drive to access her property, but when I first moved back she would park on my drive, and when I asked why she thought she could do so, as we paid the mortgage, she just said ' because I can'. She soon discovered that she can't, and neither can her private pupils parents park their cars on my drive. I discover a pressing need to go out or wash the car every time they rock up.

Original poster
huntinthehornybacktoad · 05/05/2020 22:30

Sympathies thegcatsmother

OP posts:
Saladmakesmesad · 05/05/2020 22:56

I really like your diagram.