Best come back for unnecessarily grumpy people?

[stanley10]

I live in a block of flats with other flats looking into our car park.

I just cleaned our car in said car park, and smacked a mat against the fence on our side maybe four times to get the dust out. It didn’t make that much noise and it’s 430 in the afternoon.

A very unnecessarily angry man, aged about 50, shouted at me from behind his window. I waved at him and he pulled up his window and told me off. I said ‘ok but you could ask nicely!’ to which he replied, ‘oh really?!’. I’m 8 months pregnant, not that it matters really but I kind of expect people to be less grumpy to a huge huffing and puffing lump.

Now I wish I’d said something much more effective - basically everyone is grumpy at the moment but being such an angry tosser puts everyone in a worse mood. Does anyone have a good comeback for unnecessarily grumpy sods?

You could try the MN "did you mean to be so rude", followed by the head tilt and tinkly laugh. The pinnacle of withering put down, sure to stop anyone in their tracks and hang their heads in shame.

Smile and look behind you, then back, slightly startled, smile again, raise eyebrows, 2 tiny tiny nods, leave. That does the trick.

Sparklfairy but what’s the point? For example if the OP had just rolled her eyes at the person in the window and ignored him it wouldn’t have escalated to shouting at each other across the road.

There’s no magic word that will put someone in their place, the world doesn’t work like that. You don’t get some sort of prize for not letting someone have the last word, twats will go on being twats; they don’t think “aha that person had an excellent point when they told me to stop being such a grumpy twat”. You “win” the exact same prize by just ignoring a twat than getting into a slanging match with them.

@Sonichu

What a grump-a-saurus! Always works on my kids...

@Dyrne I do get what you're saying and I'm not suggesting that anything I or anyone says back would magically give them a personality transplant!

I suppose it's more when I'm in that situation I feel I have three options:

1. Shout back aggressively, escalates situation, makes me angry and upset
2. Shuffle away/ignore, I get annoyed that said twat is an aggressive bully, and I feel a bit walked over
3. Quick sarcastic/joking comment back, makes me smile, I smile at his twattishness and forget about it immediately.

You and I just have different personalities I guess

It would help if you let people know what the man said. What do you mean by he told you off? Was it about noise or was it that you were banging a load of dust into the air?

If anyone speaks to me like that, I tend to say in a very calm, chatty tone: "Oh, don't talk at me in that tone of voice. It won't get results," like a very patient teacher with a naughty pupil. It usually works.

Agree - "sorry for disturbing you".

OP's neighbour "AIBU - neighbour has just banged her filthy car mats on the fence waking me up and now my just-cleaned windows are thick with dust. I asked her to stop and she was jsut rude" All pps YANBU - neighbour is inconsiderate.

It's all about how you skew it.

(And yes - I had a neighbour who did this and it's minging. Use the hoover)

@dyrne I think you misunderstood my post. I didn’t shout at him, I said calmly that I would stop but he could ask about it nicely. But it clearly didn’t have the desired impact of showing that that behaviour wasn’t on, hence the call out for better responses. I do think if you reply in a jokey way it sometimes snaps people out of it more. And I do think that people have a responsibility not to add to the world being shit by shitting on other people.

@NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite with the window up he shouted ‘oi! Oi! Stfu!’ Then I smiled and waved, partly to be annoying. He wound up the window and said ‘what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Stop banging the fence!’ And I said ‘ok but you could ask nicely’ and he said ‘oh could I?!’ As if to say ‘why would anyone ask anyone to do anything nicely?!’

Oh and then I stopped banging the rug.

Not dust, as his window is quite a bit up from the ground. I think he was grumpy for whatever reason, stuck inside on his own and grateful for an outlet to take it out on someone. Definitely disproportionate reaction though, I am not making that up.

If he was pretty high up that shows how annoying and loud it must have been if he could hear through a previously closed window!

Just apologise, why do you need a come back ?
Everyone is fraught at the moment

"Then I smiled and waved, partly to be annoying."

Well done, it worked. If you want to be a smart arse then people will retaliate.

Smile, kill them with kindness haha be cheery as f.

Firstly, you were annoying obviously.

Secondly, telling someone off like a child with "You could ask nicely" is really not going to calm the situation down, is it.

Thirdly to a different pp. If anyone ever came onto me with that "In a world where you can be anything you want, be kind.", they would get resounding "fuck off you pretentious git", because that's what that sentence is. Pretentious crap used by pretentious gits. And I am normally pretty kind person.

We all have an inbuilt desire to win every confrontation and have the last word. Often it's best to resist temptation. This man was a rude twat for sure but you are not going to convert him into a reasonable person with witty reposts. More likely you will wind him up even more and you might just end up in a situation you would really rather have avoided. Learn to pick your battles. Unnecessary ones with unreasonable strangers who have no ongoing impact on your life are rarely worth it.

Some kind soul tried to tell her she was unnecessarily grumpy once. Little did that person know mum was on her way home from Great Ormond Street where my almost 3 year old sister had just died on the operating table. No-one knows what lies behind the grump so sometimes it is best to leave it and move on.

I pulled up at a petrol pump just as another car pulled in. I was parked fine but this driver was too far from the pump and decided it was my fault. She started to have a swearing fit in her car, ranting and raving with her arms swinging in temper.

I broke out laughing. She saw me and did the same.

Sometimes people are tired, need a wee, hungry etc and act like grumpy twats.

Don’t let it ruin your day.

Gotta love mumsnet, try and start a light hearted conversation and it deteriorates to negativity...

@Dyrne - you're doing exactly what you are critising others for wanting to do! You think that by arguing back with other posters you are going to suddenly get them to see your point of view and the error of their ways. You don't know what's going on in these posters' lives either! If you believed your own words you would have just ignored and moved on without arguing back, surely?

but doesn’t that just convey that shouting and swearing at someone is acceptable?

Or alternatively that it doesn't get them anywhere. I'd just smile and apologise. No skin off my back.

I like @NearlyGranny 's suggestion