To have another baby as a single mum

[CherryTreeBlossoms]

I am a single mum and I have a toddler who I am bringing up on my own. This was a planned pregnancy in a relationship. I love being a mum but I feel sad that I will never have another child. I am much happier on my own and feel in control of my life. I have considered dating again but I don’t want to do it.

being in lockdown has made me think a lot about my future and what I want. I know that I would love to have another child so that my DC can have a sibling but I don’t really want another man in my life. The only reason I was even considering it was because I wanted another child and that wasn’t a good enough reason.

Would it be wrong for me to have another child on my own? Has anyone else done this? I know a couple of people who have adopted as single mums but they didn’t have any children before that.

Can you afford another?

Can you afford to have another child?

If you can afford it then g o for it.

Honestly, I think you should focus on the child you already have. What happens if you lose your job or get I'll? One child is easier to support than two.

What if you have twins?
What if you a subsequent child has additional needs?

Two children are bloody hard work. And there's two of us here. I love them dearly but I'm run ragged. Albeit my eldest has autism but I'd personally struggle with two as a single parent.

Yanbu. It would be lovely for your DC to have a sibling.

Do you want another child or just a sibling for your current child?

Can you afford to though? If you can’t YABU.

I can afford it. I do have a good job. I know that one child is cheaper and easier to care for than two and two is a lot to take on but there a lot single parents who do have two or more children but most were in a relationship when they had them.

Have another child. If you think you can manage then why not.
But think very carefully before adopting. The adopted child may need so much attention - far more than a birth child. Two parent families s are often stretched to breaking point. And the child might psychologically or physically harm your birth dc. Adopting won't necessarily give them a sibling to play with.

It’s selfish to bring a child into the world knowing that they will never have the two parents that every child should have.

Although lots of children are brought up perfectly well and very successfully with only one parent, (I was one of them) there is still something missing and it’s far from ideal.

Whoah. Selfish is a bit harsh. Actually no I think that's wrong.

You’ll be fine. My husband died when I was 10 weeks pregnant with our third but I decided to keep the baby and it’s been fine. All my kids are loved and I support them with my job. They also have great male role models in their lives. It doesn’t necessarily have to be from a father.

It would be lovely for your DC to have a sibling.

Or horrible. Not all siblings get on. Some make each other miserable.

Chiy0666 I am so sorry to hear about your husband. That must have been so tough.

I am not saying if I would definitely adopt because I know that adopted children need more support than birth children because they have a difficult past. I do know single women who have adopted so that might be an option. I could also have a baby with a sperm donor.

Everyone days how awful it is being a single mum but I have never been happier. I feel like it is something I am not supposed to want.

I know some people hate their siblings but that is quite rare most people love them .

Go for it, but I'd leave a bigger age gap. Just the practicalities of having a baby + toddler on your own. It would be much easier if the older child was an age were you could safely leave them unsupervised in another room while you settle the baby or have a shower etc.

I would obviously have a bigger age gap maybe wait til little on is 3 or 4. Ideally they would be close enough in age to share a childhood but far enough apart so there is only one baby at a time.

Sounds good. I found a 2.5 year gap really hard at the baby/toddler stage, although that was because the temperament of the younger one was much harder work than dd1 at that age. I had a husband but still found it hard. I'm a widow now since younger one was 11 and my dds are teenagers and lovely and good company for each other now. So i think your planned age gap would have worked better for me than mine did if I'd been single earlier.

@CherryTreeBlossoms could you afford it/manage on your own it if it turned out to be twins/disabled etc etc??

The hardest thing I find is juggling their different interests, hobbies etc. I can't be in two places at once so sometimes one has had to miss out on an activity because I can't split myself in half. I rarely get quality one on one time with either of them and they really could do with it. When you say you can afford it, can you afford to survive on Maternity pay and then childcare costs when you go back? 2 means twice the sick days, assemblies, concerts, parents events in school etc. It's a lot to juggle.

It’s selfish to bring a child into the world knowing that they will never have the two parents that every child should have

Yeah that worked great for me as a child having two parents to neglect and abuse me Believe me, I would far rather have had just the one loving parent.

OP I have two (adults now) and was a single parent for the majority of their childhood. I personally don't think 2 was a whole lot harder than 1 (and there were only 18 months between mine). I think some things are easier in that they played together so didn't need me to constantly amuse them. Cooking for two is just cooking a bit more. Of course the costs are higher but you can afford it. My two have a good relationship and I've never regretted it.

That’s a really good point about activities and interests. I think the juggling of all the parents events would be a lot as would the sick days. That is something to think about. I do have a lot of family support which is lucky but that was one of the hardest things about going back to work.

I could afford maternity pay and childcare costs. It would obviously be tougher if it was twins(but that is unlikely). I hope I would be able to cope if I had a disabled child but obviously that would be challenging for any parent. I have a lot of experience in working with disabled children. I know it would be very difficult being a parent to one.

I’d go for it. Siblings teach us so much about life.

How old are you?

I ask because I had a cousin who was a single parent, very sad about only having one child, considering having a second one alone etc. But she met and fell in love with someone else and had another baby when her eldest was 7. So if you’re under 35 I’d say I wouldn’t rush into going it alone as you may well find another fulfilling relationship (my cousin was actually 40 when she had her second but appreciate not everyone would want to leave it that “late”).

I love my DP, but he’s honestly never been loads of help and I often think it’d be easier in every aspect (expect financial) to be a single parent.

If you can do it financially and feel you’d cope emotionally, then go for it.

Thing is you would be going into it solo and thus knowing what to expect/plan etc so in many respects you're in a far better position than couples who eventually break up and causes all sorts of chaos in co-parenting. Also - having another baby just to make a sibling is a bit odd in my view. There's no guarantee siblings will get along or even form a relationship of their own. As long as your as mentally, emotionally and financially sound as you can be the crack on.