To have another baby as a single mum

[CherryTreeBlossoms]

I am a single mum and I have a toddler who I am bringing up on my own. This was a planned pregnancy in a relationship. I love being a mum but I feel sad that I will never have another child. I am much happier on my own and feel in control of my life. I have considered dating again but I don’t want to do it.

being in lockdown has made me think a lot about my future and what I want. I know that I would love to have another child so that my DC can have a sibling but I don’t really want another man in my life. The only reason I was even considering it was because I wanted another child and that wasn’t a good enough reason.

Would it be wrong for me to have another child on my own? Has anyone else done this? I know a couple of people who have adopted as single mums but they didn’t have any children before that.

I'd say go for it. I wish I'd had more I really do. That boat has sailed now and I really do regret not having more children when I could.

I was a single parent for most of my children's lives. I was fine and enjoyed every moment.

To be absolutely honest my kids would have been better off without the dad they had. Nightmare.

Easy for me to say of course. I also wish I'd only had my mum growing up.

You are already proving you can do it on your own with one, you are financially stable and you aren’t rushing into decisions. Talk to family and whoever would be in your support circle and make sure they are on board. Research child care options in your area so you are prepared for ferrying kids between different settings and costs incurred. Just think about how many kids lives are destroyed by abusive relationships, absent fathers, and many other reasons. Research your options, get planning and preparing and good luck.

Sorry if I have missed this but are you planning to go the sperm donor route or make an arrangement with a friend or your ex? If your ex is involved with your child and then you have another with a non involved father how will you approach that with the children? Just something to think about if you haven't already.

You don't need anyone's permission! You know what you're getting into, if you feel that you can handle it go for it. Lots of people end up going it alone with 2 when that wasn't the original plan - myself included.

I did this OP. I absolutely loved DC1 and adored every minute together that when he was 3 I decided I wanted another child, a sibling for him and the perfect family for me. I could afford it, with a bit of tax credit top up, so I went for it.
I wouldn’t change DC2 for the world. But I wish I hadn’t done it. It was so much harder than I imagined, I went from a lovely patient happy mother to a stressed shouty tired one. They are teens now and it’s not got any easier. My mental health is shot to pieces and I bounce between happy, shouty, guilty. In a miserable cycle.
Maybe you’ll cope better, maybe you won’t. I just wanted to give you another perspective from someone who’s done it.

Go for it. All the best to you.

@CherryTreeBlossoms my daughter says every once in a while when a dad is mentioned "I don't have a dad" and I say, "nope, every family is different". I grew up raised by my mom... Who actually was my Aunt. She got custody after my birth mom died. My dad was never around. So my view of family growing up wasn't from a 2 parent household. My mom was an amazing person and parent... especially considering she was thrown into parenting. So my outlook was different and I'm just really open with my kids. I'm not ashamed of my choice. There is nothing wrong with them or our family because of the route I chose.

I don't think it's a bad idea. Plenty of people in your situation would enter another mediocre or bad relationship and have another child even though they knew the relationship wouldn't last, or "accidentally" fall pregnant. You are being honest about it and I think that's much better.

One thing that would stop me, depending on age, is thinking that I may yet meet someone new who I want a child with. You say you don't want to date, but is that a for now thing, or long term?

I think it's very unfair to knowingly bring another child into that situation just because you want to.

Having a sibling won't necessarily be a benefit to your existing child and if times are hard they may even resent you and the baby

I'm am both a long term single parent and a sperm donor child.

From the single parent perspective, I think I would if I wanted another child. I would consider the relationship that child 1 has with their dad and that side of the family, as it may cause some unequalness between your children as they grow up.

With regards to how to tell the child, I would suggest you be honest, in an age appropriate way, so there is never a time you have to sit the child down and tell them. I was told at 16, after an argument with my stepmum. It came as an absolute shock and felt like I had been lied to all my life. I didn't know who I was or where I belonged. This could have been avoided, I feel, by telling me much sooner.

@OntheWaves40 that is something to think about I am a very calm and responsive mum at the moment and I wouldn’t want to change the way I am with my child. It’s hard to get a feel of how much a step up it is from one to two with some very different opinions.

@BanginChoons I am sorry that happened to you. What a horrible way to find out. I would always be open with the child.

Thank you for replying gumball. I do think there are lots of different ways to have a happy family.

No I am not going to have another baby with my ex!

Absolutely go for it, why has bring single got to do with it,, as long as you can afford two children on your own, no problem, it would be lovely for your child to have a sibling