In event if my death

[MissOrganized]

Looking for a non bias opinion of my thoughts.

With Coronavirus being around and I'm vulnerable, it's got me thinking about my death. I don't have a will (I know I need one) but I am able to insure my pensions go to who I wish at least.

I have 2 pensions; a very good NHS one and an old one from my first job some 14 years ago...I don't put into it now, but it is building interest.
I set it so my husband would get 70% of it and my son 30%
I just want to ensure that if I die, my son gets something to help him when older.

My husband isn't happy...he says everything should go to him. My argument was that he gets the house, he gets my NHS pension and mortgage paid off by my life insurance. He would also get my death in service.
So it's not like he wouldn't be looked after.

Where as if he died, I would get the mortgage paid off and that's it.
He doesn't have a pension nor death in service (self employed) I'm fine with that, I would rather have him than money after all.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to make sure my only son has something..it wouldn't be much, maybe £7000 if that.

I know as a rule everything goes to spouse..but why shouldn't I look after my son? It's not like I'm leaving everything to him, and leaving husband without.

I've told him I'm not changing it and it's my choice. With him behaving like a spoilt brat in the way he kicked off, it's making me want to put the whole 100% in my sons name.

Please no husband bashing and LTB that's not what I'm looking for. I just want a non bias opinion if I'm being unreasonable by not leaving everything to him

Is your husband your sons dad?

Is he your son's father? On the fact of it you seem reasonable but I can see from his point of view that it may seem like you don't trust your husband to look after your son if you die.

What ages are the men involved here? Is it not his son too? I think it’s a nice idea, unless your son is seriously flush with cash.

Imho the contents of a will should not be disclosed as it always creates animosity.
The rules of someone dying intestate does not automatically give the spouse everything. It only gives them everything up to a certain value. Over that the monies are shared between the husband and children if any.
However it is your choice what you do with your monies and possessions and it is totally wrong for your husband to influence your decision.
Q: is your husband the father of your child?

I think you're being reasonable. Now that our house is paid off I have changed mine so that our three children get 10% each leaving DH with 70%. He's quite happy with that.

Our children are adults though and the money would help them towards a deposit to buy their own places.

I don't have a will but have set my policies and life insurance to go 50% to my partner, 25% to my daughter (held in trust) and 25% to my brother.

My partner has no say in it at all and wouldn't tell me what I should decide.

It does sound like your husband is not your sons dad which may explain his jealousy.

I seriously hope nothing happens to you as I fear your husband may try shaft your son.

You can contact a lawyer now and arrange a will.

You should not discuss it with him anymore, ever. You leave your money however you want. I think you are doing the right thing by leaving your son something too.

Good god, I can’t imagine DH quibbling about my will.

Is he always an arse?

Oh sorry i didn't even think to include

Yes he is my sons father.

My son is only very young.
I had little to no help when I went through things like learning to drive, first car, house etc so I was just thinking I want him to have something from me to help him out a bit.

If I wasn't leaving my husband anything I could totally understand, but he will gain a fair amount from my death. I will gain just the mortgage paid off in his and I'm not bothered at all, as like I said, I would rather him.
When you grow up with nothing, you expect nothing.

Is your husband your son's dad?

How old are you, your husband and your son?

Do you and your husband own enough assets together to exceed the nil rate band for inheritance tax purposes?

These are all relevant questions when deciding how to arrange your financial affairs.

If your husband is not your son's dad then I think it's very important for you to make sure your son is provided for, because you can't necessarily rely on your husband to do so. Even if your husband is your son's dad, if your husband is still relatively young, if you died tomorrow is there a chance that he could remarry and have more children with another woman? Or might he remarry and leave everything to his next wife, who then leaves everything to her own children? If any of these scenarios are possible then there is a risk of your son not getting a share of anything you leave to your husband.

Also, if your husband is not too old, wouldn't it make sense for him to start saving into a pension for himself? Sure, as a self-employed person he wouldn't get any employer contributions, but he's leaving himself potentially very vulnerable by not making any provision for his own retirement. If he has investments or potentially a property he could let out to produce a retirement income then that's one thing. But if he doesn't, then whether you are still alive or not, he is relying on your pension to keep him in his retirement. The NHS pension scheme offers very good benefits compared to most other pension schemes, but at the same time, most people who work in the NHS and aren't hospital consultants or senior manages don't earn a huge salary, and so I imagine your pension entitlement won't be massive. Will it be enough to support both you and your husband through retirement? I think he needs to be making some financial provision for his own retirement rather than just relying on yours being enough.

If your son is young then I would leave it all to your Husband. What if something occurs like a market crash or something similar that causes hardship for families. Your Husband and child might have to suffer because you gave something to your son that can not be used.

I had a similar chat to a friend a long time ago.

She has insisted that her half of everything goes to the DC, not all to the DH if she were to die first. Her reasoning is that if she died and the DH remarried that new wife (and possibly her children) would then have access to that inheritance, house, savings etc. She lived in near poverty growing up and amounted a sizable estate and she was not prepared to have her children loose out.

It's very unpalatable but worth considering.

No, you ANBU. I have set my work death in service payment to go 50% to my husband and 25% each to my children.

I wish my mum had done something similar, she died two years ago and left everything to my stepdad with a verbal understanding with him that he would include me in his will. He hasn't as of yet (he hasn't got one) and as he isn't related to me if he dies without a will I will lose all of my mums estate to his family that I don't really know.

I am very close to my stepdad and have no doubt he will follow my mums wishes when he gets around to it, but it's an uncomfortable feeling.

@MissOrganized so is your son getting 30% of the second pension? Personally, I would give him 100%, held in trust, with staged payments - theoretically, your husband could live for a very long time, in which case your son doesn’t ‘benefit’ from your passing ( to trying to kill you off ❤️)

My husband left half of his death in service benefit to the kids, I got the house and the pensions - all things being equal, they will get them on my passing. This means they have money to put towards a house deposit, or whatever, and don’t have to wait for me to shuffle off. I’ve left my death in service benefit to my mum and sisters, and my life insurance to the kids.

@peperethecat my aim is to have will drawn up by a solicitor to make sure it is legally binding.

I will ringfence in my will points that if he remarries after my death then my half of house and finances is protected to make sure it can't be passed on to new wife/children afterwards, and only to be passed to my son, and his will mirror this about if I married after this death etc. we are both young enough to remarry if the other was to pass away tomorrow.

To get these sorts of will's they aren't cheap, so atm with al this in the world we just can't afford that amount. I know this isn't ideal, but who knew a pandemic was coming!!

The only thing I can control atm is my pensions as you list beneficiaries in them individually.

Honestly I've had it out with him time and time again about a pension. He says if he paid into a pension now for life later down the line, then we will struggle now and he believes to live for the now (eye roll insert) he sees our house as a nest egg and we will downsize when at retirement age (don't get me started, whole new thread and argument on the for's and against here)

I just want to look after my son where I can as I grew up with nothing, and I want better for him. It's not much at all, but a little to learn to drive, by a car or out towards a house

I think it's fair OP but it's your pension and you can do what you want ultimately. Maybe you could consider leaving more to you son, like a percentage of your share if the house but allow your DH to live there until he dies or chooses to sell it. That way you could be sure it goes to your son. For example, if you died and your husband remarried when he died your house would pass to his new wife and you son could lose out. Your son is still only young. You need to write a will.

I think what you have done is absoltely fine and your husband needs to get a grip. Thinking about your own situation have you considered a life assurance policy on your husband so you would have some additional provision in the event of his death, at least until your son is an adult.

@BlindAssassin1 has posted most of what I thought. I would actually be leaving more to my son for the reasons above. Can you leave your 'half' of the house in trust for him until his father dies & your dh do the same in his will? I would be wondering why dh was being so grabby.

There were a couple of horrifying threads on here lately about step-parents remarrying and the OP getting nothing from their parent's estate. I realise that your DH is your son's father, but it just showed how wills need to be watertight.

I don't think YABU, if anything I would change it again so that your DS gets a bigger percentage. Your DH doesn't need to know. If he dies first, he'll never find out. If you die first, he won't be able to do anything about it anyway!

@MissOrganized Yes, you can write your own will or buy a document where you put your own will together, but they don't really work if you want to do anything more complicated than "I leave my entire estate to my husband and if he dies before me then it all goes to the RSPCA", and there is always a risk of the whole thing being invalid if it isn't witnessed properly.

Getting a will drawn up by a solicitor doesn't have to be hugely expensive. (I appreciate that even a few hundred pounds is expensive for a lot of people, but if you are leaving enough assets behind to be concerned about this sort of thing then as a proportion of your estate the cost of having a proper will drawn up isn't huge.) It really is worth having it done by a professional who knows what they're doing.

If you and your husband want to do mirror wills then this will most likely be a bit cheaper than if you do them separately, because the solicitor will advise you both together and then prepare two identical wills which each of you signs. This might be a good way of giving your husband the kick up the arse he needs to do his own.

Whereabouts in the country are you? People might be able to recommend a decent solicitor near you.

Make a Will, make it clear who gets what. Get it witnessed. Trust me. It'll save a lot of time and stress.

My father had a small amount of money and decided to skip me and brothers and it would go to grandchildren. His next choice was to leave all to my brother since his wife was particularly nasty and took everything from him when they divorced. My point is that financial discussion like this can cause upset. He probably assumed that as your spouse and father to your child he would inherit everything and then it would go to your/his son when he died.... perhaps he feels put out?

I understand that you want to safeguard what you have worked for for your son though since many people remarry and then the new spouse might take what should be your sons.... it's a minefield

@Suze1621 yes we have. We had a chat with then bank when resetting our interest rate on mortgage. We are in process of taking out a second life insurance where there will be a lump sum of money as well as house being paid off.
With the original life insurance we got it with the mortgage, so very basic on the sense it covers just the mortgage being paid off.

As soon as finances are more stable in the current climate we plan to get a legal will by solicitors drawn up that will cover everything on more detail and more complex.

It's just a case of what I can control now and doesn't cost me anything to do.

I don't think it's husband being grabby...I think it's more he is mega old fashioned and believes everything f goes to spouse.

His parents are still together and he grew up wanting for nothing, so he doesn't understand my line of thought that I grew up with nothing really (financially) so know what it's like to struggle.

Thanks for everyone's input, as all has been helpful in making me see I've done the right thing

Given that your husband is financially irresponsible - and is also totally expecting you to finance him in his old age, I'd actually leave a much much larger proportion to your son.

I don't think YABU at all, and it's your decision to make.

Your DH is allowed an opinion of course, but if he carries on he's at risk of sounding a bit grabby!