In event if my death

[MissOrganized]

Looking for a non bias opinion of my thoughts.

With Coronavirus being around and I'm vulnerable, it's got me thinking about my death. I don't have a will (I know I need one) but I am able to insure my pensions go to who I wish at least.

I have 2 pensions; a very good NHS one and an old one from my first job some 14 years ago...I don't put into it now, but it is building interest.
I set it so my husband would get 70% of it and my son 30%
I just want to ensure that if I die, my son gets something to help him when older.

My husband isn't happy...he says everything should go to him. My argument was that he gets the house, he gets my NHS pension and mortgage paid off by my life insurance. He would also get my death in service.
So it's not like he wouldn't be looked after.

Where as if he died, I would get the mortgage paid off and that's it.
He doesn't have a pension nor death in service (self employed) I'm fine with that, I would rather have him than money after all.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to make sure my only son has something..it wouldn't be much, maybe £7000 if that.

I know as a rule everything goes to spouse..but why shouldn't I look after my son? It's not like I'm leaving everything to him, and leaving husband without.

I've told him I'm not changing it and it's my choice. With him behaving like a spoilt brat in the way he kicked off, it's making me want to put the whole 100% in my sons name.

Please no husband bashing and LTB that's not what I'm looking for. I just want a non bias opinion if I'm being unreasonable by not leaving everything to him

Given that your DH is your sons father it seems odd,and a bit sad that you can't trust him to provide for your son if you died. If anything happened to me DH would get everything, and I would expect he would use it to support him and DS. It seems really odd to me that you are treating them as two separate entities while your DS is still young. It is more what I would expect if your DH was not DS's Dad. I can understand why he would be upset.

Everything is left to my DH, however I suppose it depends on what your relationship is like. I know for a fact if my DH got that money he wouldn’t be keeping it all to himself based on the fact he loves our kids and would do anything for them. Your husband sounds like a prick for even querying it tbh.

I think it's more he is mega old fashioned and believes everything f goes to spouse.

On what planet? There has never been a time when that was the only way. To be honest, I would expect him to continue to want to support his son, and not to depend on you dying to finance his options! That is just so nasty. I would leave more to your son. Make him one of a small number of trustees to protect it for your son's future. Surely that is best for both your son, who has a decent start in life for an education without debt or a home deposit; and for your husband to not have to worry about providing those things on his own in the future.

If I die I would like my husband to have everything and trust him to look after our child. It would seem odd to me to leave money to a child unless both parents die. It would be different of course if he wasn't the father of your child. When my grandparents died no one inherited until the second one of each couple died. Similarly with my parents, if one died and the other survived I wouldn't expect to inherit.
It seems like you don't trust your husband which may be why he's annoyed. He should have some savings whether that's a pension or property, to live off when retired.

I have my death in service set up so 50% goes to my husband and 50% to my son, who is still young. Any other assets go to my husband. The death in service is a lot of money, and 50% is more than enough to pay off the mortgage and any debts while leaving plenty to live on for a few years. The money my son would get would set him up to be mortgage free should he choose to be.
Husband initially questioned it (how would I afford the house etc?) but when he realised the sum involved he was ok with it. Not that I needed his approval.

How you wish to divide your assets is up to you, and you're being more than fair. I would be very disappointed in your husband's attitude though and that would make me question his motives and loyalty.

If anything happened to me DH would get everything, and I would expect he would use it to support him and DS.

Yes, but you would be dead, so you wouldn't be around to actually make sure that happened.

If the OP's husband believes that as the spouse he should get everything, doesn't that suggest that if the OP dies and he remarries, he will then arrange his affairs so that his new spouse gets everything? Because that's the risk to the OP's son (and yours).

I don't necessarily agree that this is about trust. Yes, it might be. And if it is then that is the OP's judgement - it is, after all is said and done, their money and not the husbands. But if something were to happen to the OP, there is no guarantee that the son would ever see anything at all. Maybe he and dad will fall out one day and dad cuts him off. Maybe dad will remarry and have a new family and leave all his assets to them. Nobody can foresee what the future might bring, even if "today" looks rosy. If the OP wishes to leave a bequest for her child, it's irrelevant who the father is or if she trusts him. It's hers to bequeath as she likes, and I find it sordid that her husband wants to have his own way over it.

If I die I would like my husband to have everything and trust him to look after our child. It would seem odd to me to leave money to a child unless both parents die. It would be different of course if he wasn't the father of your child.

Are you not at all worried about the possibility of your husband having everything and then remarrying and potentially dying and leaving everything in the hands of a surviving spouse who is not the mother of your child? And who might have children of her own, either with your husband or from a previous relationship?

Make a will and also, if you both own the house, ernsure that it's owned as tenants in common rather than jointly, that way you can leave your half separately ensuring that in the event you or your husband needs a care home only half of the house can be sold to pay for it. They're called mirror wills, on the first death the property goes into a trust for the benefit of whoever you name.

@OnlyToWin it goes automatically to spouse unless you contact them and appoint someone else.
If you log into your government gateway where it shows the pension figures it says on there.

@Stronger76 yes I believe they do a Will month..some you have to be over 55 or a very basic will. I know because I want my will 'ring fenced' on two issues, it makes it more complex so doesn't qualify for a feee will 🙁

@Oxfordnono12 yup!

@Dragonsanddinosaurs it's not that I don't trust him, of course I do to look after him and provide for him.
I want to leave money for my son to invest in his future, something that my husband and doesn't have to do, it's a choice and if finances allow at that time. He will of course look after him day to day and for all normal financial needs, but not everyone has money to help buy first car etc and some do, but choose not to help thinking kids need to learn on their own! And who knows what the future holds a they may fall out, he may marry again and lose sight of our son and what I wanted for him etc, this is for me a safety net to ensure my son gets what I want for him no matter what.

@summerfruitssquash I too have no doubt in my mind that my husband loves our son very much, and leaving a gift to a child should not be something of a symbol of 'my husband doesn't love my child and won't give him money' it's a gift. Questioning if he loves my son has never once entered my mind. If he has the money of course he will help my son. But he may remarry, he may buy a bigger house with a new mortgage, he may marry a gold digging nut job that takes the lot...who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

@SnackSizeRaisin why is it odd to leave your child a gift of money to help them in their future? Maybe odd if husband got nothing, but he will benefit greatly. The sum my son will receive will be rather small in comparison. My husband will inherit all other assests...house, a whole pension plus 70% of a second pension, a death in service lump sum plus minor things like my car, savings etc. I trust my husband to look after my son wholeheartedly, but I don't know the future and neither does he.
I'm protecting my son. I swore I would look after him the moment I found out I was pregnant. You hear of stories where widows remarry and new spouse then gets the lot and child left high and dry!!

@mrsBtheparker once finances stabilize during current pandemic we intend to get a will. We were going to ring fence it so that if one of us needs care, only 50% of assets can be taken to pay for care. I guess that is what the tenants in common is?

Sorry, might be a stupid question, but do you have to state who your death in service pension goes to? I assumed it just automatically went to your spouse. Am I supposed to have named him?

I can't say for all schemes but I've been in two different ones both with FTSE 100 companies so I expect their approach is not unusual. WIth both these schemes, I could complete a Nomination of Beneficiaries form to advise the scheme trustees who I wished my DiS benefits to go to. However, both schemes were very clear that the Nomination of beneficiaries was non-binding and the trustees could chose to ignore it. This is so that the trustees have scope to act in your best interests, especially if there have been significant changes in your personal circumstances since you last submitted a NoB form, not so that they can do something dastardly.

If you have death in service benefits it is really worth looking at how your scheme works and completing a nomination of beneficiaries form if that option is available to you.

@MissOrganized @TooTrueToBeGood

Thanks

I guess that is what the tenants in common is?

This would be the starting point, you need to have mirror wills so that on the first death half the house, all of the deceased individually held finanaces, investments etc., and half of any jointly held investments will go into the trust, protected from care home fees etc. You will designate executors whom will be responsible for the trust funds and will administer them for the benefit of the survivor. This will be done after probate has been granted. My OH died at the start of the lockdown, not CV related, and we're doing all this now, we did our own probate, took 9 days for it to be accepted then a solicitor will draw up the trust.

I'm in a similar situation OP.
Death in Service payout will go 90% to DP: 10% to DC. That will pay off the mortgage.
Life Insurance Policy is in Trust to pay a sliding scale of 90:10% to 0:100% depending on DD's age.
House is 70% mine and will go to DD.
It's not my responsibility to make provision for DP's old age. That's on him. He has is own pension etc
My priority is the future financial security of my DD.

I (with my husband’s knowledge and approval) have my pension and death lump sum going directly to my son. It takes it outside of inheritance tax. This was amended after the mortgage was paid off and my husband would get our house etc. He has his own pension.

Could you put it to your husband as a tax efficient set-up?