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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dating someone with mental illnesses

62 replies

FlowersareForever · 04/05/2020 17:08

The man I've been dating since December has BPD and is bipolar. He is also showing signs of narcissism and the lack of empathy (I don't know if it's all connected). All our conversations has to be about him and the struggles in his life.
My nan passed away 2 weeks ago from cancer and not once has he acknowledged it. He's also blamed me for not caring about him enough while I'm trying to look after my 5 DC so he will ignore me for days at a time. The last time I was ignored was because I didnt message back quick enough, even though all I was doing was helping the kids with their school work. And I'm being ignored again now for a reason I don't even know! It's exhausting!

AIBU to think this will never work?? Should I say goodbye?

OP posts:
UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 04/05/2020 17:09

It's not the mental illnesses that are the problem here...Confused
You deserve better.

PotteringAlong · 04/05/2020 17:10

Walk away. It’s a really short relationship and you don’t sound like you’re getting anything out of it.

CandleFlames · 04/05/2020 17:10

Bin him immediately. It will only get worse.

Chiyo666 · 04/05/2020 17:10

It’s nothing to do with his mental illness. He’s just an asshole.

I have bipolar and I’m not an asshole and I really resent people lumping the two together.

GrumpyHoonMain · 04/05/2020 17:11

Honestly I would leave. His MH problems, to put it quite bluntly, are his; not yours.

zscaler · 04/05/2020 17:11

It’s not his mental illness that’s the problem, it’s that he’s a selfish twat. Don’t invest any more time in someone who doesn’t care about you - it will never get any better.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 04/05/2020 17:13

Yeah, this isn't a mental illness problem, this is a "you're dating a twat" problem. Get well rid, he's an arse and will make you miserable.

Pasghetti · 04/05/2020 17:13

It won't work. Save yourself the grief and pull the plug now. It's like pulling out a splinter- it will hurt a bit now but will hurt much more if you ignore it and it turns into infected abscess.

ilovesooty · 04/05/2020 17:14

I agree with previous posters - his mental diagnosis isn't the issue.

Freddiefox · 04/05/2020 17:16

Get rid quickly

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 04/05/2020 17:17

For gods sake don't let him guilt trip you on account of his mental illnesses! The key to not being emotionally manipulated is to recognise when you are being emotionally manipulated.

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 04/05/2020 17:17

AIBU to think this will never work?? Should I say goodbye?

You really need to ask? Confused

Bluntness100 · 04/05/2020 17:18

Gosh why are you hanging in there and taking it?

vanillandhoney · 04/05/2020 17:20

Christ, just leave.

You're not responsible for his MH.

gamerchick · 04/05/2020 17:20

Definitely walk away OP. You have enough on your plate, don't expose your kids to a bloke who goes on like that.

Puddlejuice · 04/05/2020 17:20

Are you really that desperate? Surely not, so get rid

ForestYeti · 04/05/2020 17:21

Sounds like a narc, I’m bipolar and we all can vary in our bipolar traits but that’s narc behavior not bipolar

Oxfordnono12 · 04/05/2020 17:22

Narcissism is NOT a mental illness. Its personality trait, very different! So, his behaviour is wrong. It is not up to you to wrap him in cotton wool an stroke his ego.

You said he has a mental health illness, this is also not your responsibility. It is his job to stay on top of this. He is using his illness to condition you.

From the little info you have given, please run as far away from this person as possible. You deserve better.

PicaK · 04/05/2020 17:23

Bipolar behaviour and the behaviour you describe are two very different things. Does he bring positive stuff to your life? If not drop him with a clear conscience.

user1635482648 · 04/05/2020 17:23

He's quite obviously abusive. Mental illness or not is irrelevant.

Why have you been putting up with this?

Nsky · 04/05/2020 17:25

I have bi polar and moderate depression, ( both treated I add), you hsve phases where stuff is tough, but this is no that, get rid

Original poster
FlowersareForever · 04/05/2020 17:41

Thank you everyone. I'm sorry if I've offended anyone by lumping it all together, it was not my intention. This is the first time I've had anyone in my life with bipolar so I thought this was what it was all about.

I wrote this post as I have very low self confidence and hate to upset people unnecessarily so I wanted to double check that it what he is doing isn't ok, and to get others opinions. Now I know what I need to do!

OP posts:
Oxfordnono12 · 04/05/2020 17:49

I really hope he doesn't stay in your life for any longer. He is abusing you! Your low self-esteem is attractive to him. Please, leave this man.

TARSCOUT · 04/05/2020 17:49

I was prepared to co.e on and tell you no, MH is not a reason not to date someone however I think you are being treated dreadfully, whatever the reason, so I'd get out asap!

BlueSuffragette · 04/05/2020 17:51

Walk away OP, life is too short to be treated like this.