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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go back to my shared flat during lockdown?

53 replies

heybabes · 04/05/2020 04:35

I currently share an apartment with another girl, but chose to live with my boyfriend during lockdown.

My flat is 10 minutes walk away from my boyfriends and my room is on the top floor with its own bathroom. A couple of times I’ve gone back there to work as I find it really difficult to work from my boyfriends as he has a demanding 3 year old a couple of days a week who wants my attention 24/7.

However my flat mate has told me that she no longer wants me to come back to the flat to work, as it’s breaking the lockdown rules and mixing households, and I can only come to pick up my stuff. Even though my room is on a separate floor to hers, I don’t use any shared facilities or space when I go.

Part of me thinks it’s because I said she could use my room if she needed to as it has access to the roof and we have no garden and I thought it was being kind...

Anyway I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not. I get we’re not supposed to mix households, but it’s essentially like I’m in another flat as I’m keeping my distance and not using any shared spaces. I’m still paying all rent and utility bills so I feel like it’s a little unfair.

I’ve got a really busy week at work coming up and I know I’m really going to struggle getting anything done so I’d really like to go back, just don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

OP posts:

EdwinaMay · 04/05/2020 04:50

I would ignore her as you are paying bills. And it has separate facilities.
Is she using the room when you're not there? Then you go into it to work?

Thepigeonsarecoming · 04/05/2020 05:01

Technically under the guidelines then yes you should choose one place and stay. Realistically it’s a shit situation. Do you use the kitchen or shared hallways? Touch light switches and door handles?

BTW I’m completely against fake “rulez”. The likelihood of you spreading anything is slim. However if she’s anxious and chooses to report you I don’t see you winning this battle

HeronLanyon · 04/05/2020 05:01

You chosentomlivenduringockdown with you boyfriend.
I can’t believe you’re just popping home as and when. Not only mixing households but coming from household with young child there on and off and then back.
Bloody hell. I’m actually confused why you are asking. You surely have to know this is completely disregarding what we’re all supposed to be doing ?

IDontDrinkTea · 04/05/2020 05:08

Sorry, I’m with your housemate on this one.

You’re not only mixing households, but because you have the child a few days a week, your circle is quite wide as you would also have the risk of the child carrying germs from her main resident family. I can understand why it would annoy your housemate, especially if she is forgoing seeing loved ones during this time yet you’re popping back and forth.

Porridgeoat · 04/05/2020 05:10

I think you should just go home for the next week or two and work quietly.

SquirtleSquad · 04/05/2020 05:12

I'm with your flatmate. Pick one place and stay there.

browzingss · 04/05/2020 05:39

You’re allowed to move households but you’re supposed to stay for an appropriate amount of time. The police guidance floating around on here recently said a few hours is not okay, but a few days is likely to be okay.

So you can’t come and go whenever you please just because it’s a 10 minute walk - pick one. It’s unfair on the others in the 2 households as you’re just spreading germs between them. Your flat mate has already expressed concerns - she could never leave the house so theoretically shouldn’t catch covid, yet through no fault of her own you could still give her it.

Rentacar · 04/05/2020 06:05

Pick one household and stay there.

returnofthecat · 04/05/2020 06:15

YABU.

If the idea of paying bills for a flat at which you're not staying is so unpalatable, move back full-time and self-isolate for 14 days. You can't keep floating between households depending on what's more convenient for you!

LellyMcKelly · 04/05/2020 06:23

Yes, of course you’re breaking the rules. Pick one and live there.

Mascotte · 04/05/2020 06:28

You're allowed to go to work though. I'd bill it as that. And your facilities are separate. I don't get the risk 🤷‍♀️ I don't think she can tell you not to come. Though it might lead to bad feeling after all this too.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2020 06:52

OP come on, please try to understand it from her POV. You’re putting her at risk, the people who use her supermarket, her nurse and doctor if she eventually winds up in hospital...either go home and stay there, or don’t go home. Do you also not consider that people mixing households unnecessarily are helping to prolong lockdown, which is causing real suffering?
My three housemates have each had people over and it’s not great tbh, I do see them differently now. Can you not see why it’s frustrating or how it can cause anxiety in others?

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 04/05/2020 07:00

OP are you always this selfish?

You chose to move in with your boyfriend leaving your flat mate alone during lockdown
You accuse a young child of being "demanding" when they are doing what young children do
You keep running away from your boyfriend to your flatshare putting your flatmate at more risk because the child goes between houses.

If I was your flatmate I would lock you out until lockdown ended.

heartsonacake · 04/05/2020 07:02

YABU. You chose to stay with your boyfriend during lockdown, aware you’d still be paying bills there; you can’t just go nipping back whenever you feel like it.

If I was your flat mate I’d change the locks until the lockdown was done if you refused to stop.

Carrie7469 · 04/05/2020 07:13

YABU it was your choice to live with your boyfriend during lockdown, and that's what you need to do. You can't start flitting back and forth. You're putting your flatmate, your boyfriend, your boyfriend's child, yourself and anyone that any of you come into contact with at risk. You're being very selfish.

barofsoap · 04/05/2020 07:23

the whole "stick to one household" has got so blown up out of all proportion - there are loads of us in contact with multiple households daily. I am driven round to see patients at home by one of a small group of drivers. Short of sitting in the boot we cannot get 6 feet away from each other. They drive different people on different evenings - we may see people with covid, we may not. So I am in contact with all the drivers, their families, all the other people, they have driven, and their families.
Personally I would go back to the other flat to work, but then I tend not to be hide-bound by "rules" which have little likelihood of making a difference.

Lynda07 · 04/05/2020 07:23

You couldn't have anticipated how you would feel being responsible for such a young child. It may have seemed like a good idea at the time but obviously doesn't work for you. There's a lesson for all here - don't get involved with anyone who has a small child or children!

If you can self isolate in your upper floor, en suite room at the shared flat, go there and don't see your flat mate for at least a fortnight, unless at a distance. You're paying your rent and bills and presumably both go to work so there is risk anyway. I do understand how your flat mate feels but she will get over it. Do be prepared for it to be all over with boyfriend, though. That may not be a bad thing in the long run.

Good luck and don't make impulsive decisions in the future!

mummabubs · 04/05/2020 07:25

Sorry OP but YABU. Government have been perfectly clear on this- you can only go to another property if you then stay there for the remainder of lock down. If you don't want to pay rent for somewhere that you're not using then move back in permanently (but don't then keep nipping over to your boyfriend's house). I work in the NHS on a covid-positive ward and it's enough that I'd side with your friend in a second. Do not increase the risk needlessly. Stick to the rules. Stay in one house. I know that's not what you want to hear, but this is a tough situation on everyone.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2020 07:25

There's a lesson for all here - don't get involved with anyone who has a small child or children!

Lol wtf

Talia99 · 04/05/2020 07:26

You say there is no shared space - I take it you have your own front door and hallway up to the room?

If not, you are touching the front door and moving through shared space to get to and from your room.

YABU - the rules say not to mix households and that is exactly what you are doing. In addition, if there is a child coming and going, you are effectively mixing three households (the child’s other place of residence).

Bearing in mind your question could be rephrased as: Is my flatmate being unreasonable to expect me not to break the law and expose her to a possibly fatal illness, I think it is clear you are most definitely being unreasonable.

KatherineJaneway · 04/05/2020 07:27

YABU. You pick one place and stay there.

velourvoyageur · 04/05/2020 07:32

barofsoap it’s precisely because we can’t eliminate all risk that we should take extra care to minimise it where we are able to, surely

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 04/05/2020 07:32

@barofsoap do you understand what human to human transmission means? As from your post it shows you don't.

Remember diseases don't care about loopholes.

barofsoap · 04/05/2020 07:41

@BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup funnily enough as a medic and epidemiologist I do understand - but then the job has to be done, people have to be cared for in their homes, people dying of diseases other than Covid etc.

What would you suggest we do differently?

BeforeIPutOnMyMakeup · 04/05/2020 07:45

@barofsoap then explain why you are recommending that a member of the public breaks the rules?

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