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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Employer making life VERY difficult.

753 replies

Titslikepicassos · 03/05/2020 13:58

Supposed to be returning from MAT leave in June, have childcare arranged and as a key worker they will still take my baby - excellent.

Had a team meeting with work this week to discuss going back and have been told that I have to relocate as my partner works on the same site as me - which has been known since I informed them we were in a relationship, however the policy changed in October (before I went on MAT leave). While we are on the same site, our jobs are separate and we are working in different buildings, have different managers and different hours. The different hours means I will need to do drop offs and pick ups to coincide with opening and closing hours.

So during the middle of a pandemic, with child care mostly closed I now have to find a new nursery, lose a significant term time deposit and start the settling in process all over again. Not only that, they have told me to find my own employment within the company - my head is exploding with all of this. AIBU to think this is an unnecessary ball ache!

I appreciate that this is a minor problem given the amount of people losing jobs!

OP posts:
Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 13/10/2020 15:25

@ilovemydogandMrObama

At this stage, what do you want?
I want to go back to work so I can afford to feed and house my family!

But...

My line manager has caused such a mess that I'm medicated and suffering from anxiety and stress for the first time in my life.

I'd like to think I'm strong enough to go back but it's a big risk - I don't want to give them the opportunity to make me ill.

But I also want vengeance.

How FUCKING DARE THEY?!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 13/10/2020 16:31

Your rage is totally understandable @Titslikepicassos . Their handling of this has been appalling.

I just don't understand any of their actions, tbh. Iirc, this all started because of the policy about couples working at the same site, which is no longer an issue because your partner has resigned, but you believed that your manager was trying to keep a mate in your role.

But now that the ostensible reason for making you change your location no longer applies, I can't get my head round why they still want you to move. I just don't get it.

I think it's time to unmask the shagger/shaggee relationship. Throw that cat in amongst their pigeons.

LakieLady · 13/10/2020 16:32

Meant to add: channel that anger and use it wisely!

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 13/10/2020 16:57

Thanks @LakieLady - needed to hear my anger was justified!

I've asked for an extension of my grievance appeal because my brain isn't working. I've suffered high blood pressure since my pregnancy and the meds I'm on to control that as well as the physical symptoms of stress are making me fuzzy! The high blood pressure has been ongoing for a year so I asked for it as a reasonable adjustment.

They want me to move because I'm a threat to their enabling toxic management bubble. I'm excellent at my job - they know it, everyone we work with knows it and that threatens them. Weak.

The grievance procedure is a whitewashing exercise, the outcome letter is a joke - I would have been embarrassed to send it.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 13/10/2020 17:01

Have you not responded and pointed out it doesn't make sense and doesn't answer the points raised?

I think if you go proper legal on them for constructive dismissal they will get the floor wiped with their arses...

PrincessForADay · 13/10/2020 19:10

I'm so sorry to read this OP.

I don't understand the KIT days? Bizarre

LakieLady · 13/10/2020 20:03

Lol, no thanks necessary @Titslikepicassos, I'm vicariously angry on your behalf. Grin So basically your manager's a wanker and he (she? I can't even remember now) knows you know that and wants you off the plot because they're afraid of being exposed as a wanker.

I wonder how long it takes for an employer to be informed after an ET1 has gone in? I wouldn't be at all surprised if they start trying to cut a deal with you when that happens. Imo, if they do, then they know they've fucked up and you know you have the upper hand.

LakieLady · 13/10/2020 20:06

Sorry, I've had another afterthought. There might be merit in getting a medical certificate, so that any settlement includes an element of compensation for them making you ill! Plus the SSP and maybe occupational sick pay too.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 13/10/2020 20:20

@RandomMess

Have you not responded and pointed out it doesn't make sense and doesn't answer the points raised?

I think if you go proper legal on them for constructive dismissal they will get the floor wiped with their arses...

I'm in the process of trying to complete an arse kicking appeal letter - it mentions the that outcome letter is incoherent and doesn't address anything.
OP posts:
Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 13/10/2020 20:26

@PrincessForADay

I'm so sorry to read this OP.

I don't understand the KIT days? Bizarre

Thanks @PrincessForADay - it's a remarkably high level of bizarre incompetence! Even for them.

Half way down the outcome letter, one of the few points they address was regarding how difficult it was to schedule kit days and how I was banned from my work place to do them - their response was 'KIT days do not have to be given by the employer'. Ending the letter with you MUST now complete 10 more KIT days before you go back to work was spectacular Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 13/10/2020 20:28

@LakieLady

Lol, no thanks necessary *@Titslikepicassos*, I'm vicariously angry on your behalf. Grin So basically your manager's a wanker and he (she? I can't even remember now) knows you know that and wants you off the plot because they're afraid of being exposed as a wanker.

I wonder how long it takes for an employer to be informed after an ET1 has gone in? I wouldn't be at all surprised if they start trying to cut a deal with you when that happens. Imo, if they do, then they know they've fucked up and you know you have the upper hand.

Wanker indeed

25 days to hit their desk - delays due to Covid!

My GP has very kindly offered to sign me off I need it!

OP posts:
ilovemydogandMrObama · 14/10/2020 07:58

Am really surprised that nothing changed after the grievance as it was being reviewed by someone quite high up the food chain, which makes me wonder if they have ran it past the company's legal team?

Not sure I agree with the ACAs advice to take out yet another grievance as this will only make it more complicated to return back to work, as while there is no reason you can't go back to work while a grievance is on going, they probably will say all the grievances need to be heard before your return.

Who would be the best person to talk things through as otherwise it seems to be going in circles.

LakieLady · 14/10/2020 08:09

Half way down the outcome letter, one of the few points they address was regarding how difficult it was to schedule kit days and how I was banned from my work place to do them - their response was 'KIT days do not have to be given by the employer'. Ending the letter with you MUST now complete 10 more KIT days before you go back to work was spectacular

Does their mat policy/leave scheme make any reference to KIT days? I know they're not mandatory, but they are in our maternity policy so any manager making it difficult for someone to do them would be on a bit of a sticky wicket.

Even if they're not mentioned, if people usually do KIT days you could use the "established by custom and practice" argument.

Twats though, trying to have the argument both ways.

LakieLady · 14/10/2020 08:19

I'm in the process of trying to complete an arse kicking appeal letter - it mentions the that outcome letter is incoherent and doesn't address anything

A solicitor I used to do some work for used to say that making the other side feel stupid at an early stage could often be counter productive, as it puts their backs up and makes more inclined to dig their heels in. He said that "more in sorrow than in anger" worked far better in the early stages, and pointing out their idiocy was far better delivered as the coup de grace when all else has failed.

Just a thought. Smile

PrincessForADay · 14/10/2020 08:29

Just a though do you get paid in full for KIT days? If so I would schedule them straight in & use the time to access any policies or other Information in support of your case.

That is of course if your company allows you to choose how KIT days are spent.

I would also consider what outcome is realistic, ie can you imagine ever wanting to work there again?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/10/2020 09:12

Read this in shock! You’re doing so well.

Jakethekid · 25/10/2020 13:51

Any update OP?

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 25/10/2020 16:29

I’ve given up somewhat.

Asked for mediation and to go back to work - I don’t think my manager wants me back at all but HR can have that fight now!

OP posts:
LakieLady · 25/10/2020 16:38

Oh, @Titslikepicassos, I'm sorry to hear that! But I do understand that you need to get back to some sort of normality.

Do you think you'll be able to return for the hours/days originally agreed?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 02/11/2020 09:21

Please don't think that you have, 'given up,' as you have agreed to mediation.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong, and mediation is not an admission of defeat, but at the same time, the legal process is not really the right path for someone who wants their old job back.

It may be awkward for a bit, but after a few days, it will get back to normal. Smile

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 02/11/2020 09:50

@LakieLady - I’ve told them I’ll revert back to my contracted hours since they’ve failed to even look at my flexible working request. Which will annoy everyone because it will mean a change to the rota.

@ilovemydogandMrObama - I feel like I made a stand. That’s enough for now - hopefully they won’t try anything else in the future.

I’m still not back at work though!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 02/11/2020 11:17

Once you've been back a few months you can apply for a flexible working request again... if nothing it will mean they will have to think up business reasons to deny it!

KOKO Thanks

PrincessForADay · 03/11/2020 00:23

You have been treated so poorly. What happens next?

LakieLady · 03/11/2020 07:50

@Titslikepicassos, I really hope that mediation brings them to their senses.

Original poster
Titslikepicassos · 03/11/2020 15:17

Update -

I've just had employment tribunal dates land on my doormat. My claim (which I had cancelled!) has been accepted and I have a preliminary hearing next summer.

I'm assuming that work will have had the same forms today too.

This complicates matters

OP posts: