Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have expected sympathy

58 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 11:52

So dh has a long term health condition. I have bent over backwards to help and support him. Always showing sympathy when in pain and fetching painkillers etc. Plus pretty much taking on the running of the home and childcare etc etc.
Anyway at abiut 6am this morning I woke with a most horrendous tummy bug or ibs maybe. Not a huge amout of tummy pain but severe diarorrea. I am still having to rush to the toilet and when I go the pain is enough to make me howl.
So at 10am I told dh who was still in bed that I wasn't well and explained situation No reaction. Now he is sat downstairs playing video games. The kids are doing their stuff and I am screaming in pain on the loo. I just feel like no ones cares about me so I have taken myself up to bed for a rest.
Well lets just say no ones is getting any more food cooked or prepared for them today by me and dh definitely isn't getting usual waitress service.
AIBU

OP posts:
CazzaCat · 03/05/2020 11:57

If you are screaming in pain from a tummy bug you need to call 999

Pelleas · 03/05/2020 11:57

YANBU. I'd have expected at least an "is there anything I can do for you?" response.

Definitely don't prepare their food with D&V!

Hope it clears up soon. Make sure you don't get dehydrated and seek medical advice if you feel worried.

Dishwashersaurous · 03/05/2020 12:02

If you are screaming in pain on the toilet then you need to call 999 immediately- could be appendix

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 12:04

It's when I go to the loo as I am of course now very sore from all the bowel movements and it is the sting from urine which is the worst bit. I already have a vulval skin condition too.
Drinking lots of water too.
Or maybe I am a wuss.

OP posts:
Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 12:05

Going to try and have a nap.

OP posts:
Dishwashersaurous · 03/05/2020 12:06

Urine sting sounds like an infection- you need to see/spk doctor. Does your surgery have LIVI

bellabasset · 03/05/2020 12:29

I think the stinging pain means you might need antibiotics so contact 111. Remember the 48 hour rule re d&v. Then make it clear to dh that he and the dcs need to keep away. Get him to put all towels, flannels in a hot wash, wipe down stair banister, light switches worktops. If you have a separate cloakroom get the family to use that.

Tell dh to sleep separately for 48 hours, again hot wash for bedding once you feel better. He should prepare all food for that length of time. At the moment I think we're all being more careful.

Hope you feel better shortly.

worstwitch18 · 03/05/2020 12:33

Of course you deserve sympathy. Your husband shouldn't be playing video games if you need his help, and he should be taking primary responsibility for the children a) so you can rest and b) so you don't infect them. You would think that if he has a chronic condition he would be a bit kinder and more sympathetic.

On a practical note, if you are in severe screaming-level pain you should seek medical attention.

Hope you recover quickly.

Methtones · 03/05/2020 12:37

Of course he should be sympathetic. It does sound like you need to spell out for him that he needs to look after the kids.

Itwasntme1 · 03/05/2020 12:37

Speak to a doctor. This sounds serious and at the moment you need to nip serious conditions in the bid before you require hospitalisation.

Your husband sounds like a selfish, useless arse. His lack of empathy or care would be a deal breaker for me. How could you sit downstairs when anyone, especially someone you love, is in pain and not try to help.

Was he always this awful?

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 12:44

Thank you. Will ring 111 if things don't improve

OP posts:
Unravellingslowly · 03/05/2020 12:45

very sore from all the bowel movements

A liberal application of sudocrem after each trip to the loo really helps. Applied with t roll obvs.
I hope you feel better soon. Next time DH is moaning and groaning leave him to get his own painkillers & food & stop any sympathetic noises.

Original poster
Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 12:47

I think he probably always had a selfish side but has become worse with illness.
Only really in pain now when I need the loo.

OP posts:
JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 03/05/2020 12:50

“Howling” and “screaming in pain” is unlike any bug I’ve come across! And I’ve come across a few. Sounds like you need advice like you’ve already said you’ll get. And your DH does sound very unsympathetic. Hope you feel better soon.

suspiciouscowboy · 03/05/2020 13:02

I think you need to explain to your DH how this makes you feel. I would feel used and taken for granted. im sorry youre not feeling well and youre not getting support. Be selfish today because you can be.

Blackandgreenteas · 03/05/2020 13:56

I agree with PPs - howling and screaming in pain sounds extremely serious and like you should be at a and e.

But yes of course he should be sympathetic and take care of you if you’re sick.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 03/05/2020 13:59

You need a&e if you are howling and screaming in pain . Sort out what to do with dh after you get medical attention

Lockheart · 03/05/2020 14:02

If you are howling and screaming in pain you need urgent medical attention. Call 111.

herecomesgeralt · 03/05/2020 14:07

I agree with PPs if you are actually howling and screaming with pain then you need to go to hospital urgently.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/05/2020 14:21

After this illness is done, I would be asking him why he neither showed sympathy nor offered care to you. And making it absolutely clear that his behaviour towards me has changed my feelings towards him.

He could whistle Dixie for sympathy and care from me in future too. He's shown you who he is. Plan your future Accordingly, OP.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 03/05/2020 14:21

I hope you're going to speak to him once you're feeling better and tell him how disappointed you are that despite all you do for him when he is not well, when it's the other way round he cant muster up a sympathetic phrase, a glass of water, a hot water bottle and taking care of his own children for a few hours. It isnt much to ask but he has let you down badly. If it's a long term health condition he has, maybe he has begun to take the imbalance in your roles for granted and has become used to being the one that's looked after. Maybe understandable but still not acceptable

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/05/2020 14:27

Agreed if you are screaming in pain you need medical attention. However other than bringing you water DH should keep well away from you. He should be the one doing the childcare, cleaning, and cooking.

Palavah · 03/05/2020 14:30

call 111 if it doesn't get any better

No - call 111 or go to A&E now so it doesn't get any worse and require you to be admitted overnight.

edwinbear · 03/05/2020 14:33

Not wanting to frighten you OP but I had tummy pains last month that had me howling with pain, turned out to be appendicitis. Echo PP’s that you really should get it checked. And yes your DH is an arse.

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2020 14:36

I am in two minds about this.

On one side in the toilet howling and screaming is deeply concerning and you should seek immediate medical intervention.

On the other side, you may be exaggerating and your family know it, which is why they are all ignoring you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread