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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have expected sympathy

58 replies

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 11:52

So dh has a long term health condition. I have bent over backwards to help and support him. Always showing sympathy when in pain and fetching painkillers etc. Plus pretty much taking on the running of the home and childcare etc etc.
Anyway at abiut 6am this morning I woke with a most horrendous tummy bug or ibs maybe. Not a huge amout of tummy pain but severe diarorrea. I am still having to rush to the toilet and when I go the pain is enough to make me howl.
So at 10am I told dh who was still in bed that I wasn't well and explained situation No reaction. Now he is sat downstairs playing video games. The kids are doing their stuff and I am screaming in pain on the loo. I just feel like no ones cares about me so I have taken myself up to bed for a rest.
Well lets just say no ones is getting any more food cooked or prepared for them today by me and dh definitely isn't getting usual waitress service.
AIBU

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 03/05/2020 14:38

I’d also say it must be deeply distressing for your children to hear you screaming. Obviously your husband needs to keep calm so the children don’t panic.

But I do think you need to seek hospitalisation, or as said, you’re just prone to exaggeration and they are all ignoring you because they know it.

billy1966 · 03/05/2020 14:40

So sorry OP.

Well he has really shown you who he is and what he thinks of you.

Selfish man.

I wouldn't bother saying a word to him.

BUT, I wouldn't do a thing for a man like that and when he asks why he isn't getti g the Platinum Nurse Service in future I would tell him why. And I would stick to it.

But then then I have zero tolerance for being treated like a skivvy.

Hope you feel better soon.

After this your life will be much easier.

Because you will no longer be running around after him.

Savingshoes · 03/05/2020 15:13

DH sounds like a thoughtless ignoramus. You should care about you enough to get medical treatment right now though.
Nhs 111 or look up your symptoms on nhs.uk or phone your pharmacist and ask for advice.
Dont wait until it "doesn't get any better" why do you deserve to wait it out, you wouldn't expect DH or anyone else to wait it out?

Twigletfairy · 03/05/2020 15:17

If the skin around your arse is sore and is causing pain, wipe with a damp cloth or wet wipes or something. I find it much kinder on the skin if you've had to wipe a lot

Original poster

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 15:25

Thankfully the diarorrea appears to have stopped and I have taken some rehydration salts so fingers crossed things will start to heal. Used my usual ointments as well as sudocreme as suggested.
I will keep an eye out in case I have a UTI but think pain is more due to urine being concentrated. Drinking lots of water too.
Obviously I only squealed or howled in pain whilst passing stools/urine after the first 10 or so times as I have a pre existing condition which make that area extra sensitive due to years of steroid use.
I definitely don't think I scared my children. Only one heard and I was quick to reassure her.
Sorry if I wasn't clear and thank you for concern.

OP posts:

fallfallfall · 03/05/2020 15:31

I’d never be or recommend a relationship with someone with mental or long term illness. The relationships tend to be unbalanced. One person doing more than the other way way more.
Honestly I’d review your life plans.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 03/05/2020 15:37

You say 'they wont be getting any food cooked by me today or rhe usual waitress service' as if this is punishment for lack of sympathy. But obviously you wont be doing any of that today or the next couple of days because you have fucking diahorrea.

Are you a bit of a martyr? If DP had d & v it would be an automatic away from the kitchen, he wouldnt need to comment on it. The other adult just takes over. Its obvious hes not cooking

Its clear its not your stomach thats in pain, its your arse. So I dont think you need medical attention. Are you perhaps over dramatising to get sympathy?

Your DH is being a knob, but I can sort of see how someone whos howling and screaming in pain at a sore arse migut not garner much sympathy, especailly if I had a chronic illness and so was used to pain

PinkiOcelot · 03/05/2020 15:39

I wouldn’t be nursing him any time soon OP. Selfish twat.
Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better though x

Palavah · 03/05/2020 16:09

Wow.

Original poster

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 16:24

He has barely done any cooking or washing up in about two years due to his health.
Tbh I have always given him the benefit of the doubt but I am starting to think things need to change.

OP posts:

fallfallfall · 03/05/2020 17:33

Exactly OP, this is a warning of what’s to come. In the future there will be times when you need help and support (think broken leg, 6 weeks non weight bearing help) everyone deserves help and support not an extra burden. What type of role model is he for your children? At some point they too may expect 110% from you...meals in bed, laundry till 30.

opticaldelusion · 03/05/2020 17:41

I'd never be or recommend a relationship with someone with mental or long term illness

Wow. How self-centred. My husband suffered chronic ill health for about four years. I've never felt closer to him. Silly me. I should have dumped his useless arse.

Itwasntme1 · 03/05/2020 17:51

The point made by fall fall fall is probably quite valid for some people.

In this case ops husband is not caring or nurturing. He is selfish. He shouldn’t be in a relationship it’s anyone who would conceivably rely on him for anything.

Fall fall fall is the same - she knows she is selfish. Unfortunately people do get sick and it’s hard to predict. Therefore these people simply should be in relationships ever.😊

InFiveMins · 03/05/2020 18:06

What is his 'illness' OP? Sounds to me like he is making his illness sound worse than it is so you do all the running about. If you are howling in pain and he is playing video games I'd get rid of him, quickly.

N0tfinished · 03/05/2020 18:10

Unfortunately a few members of my family have had serious chronic illnesses. I've never found it to improve their personality or make them saintly. Generally they've been cross, selfish and taken us for granted. The person that does the most for them seems to get the least courtesy or gratitude.

I've noticed it in a good few families with an 'invalid' - a weird power dynamic emerges, and it doesn't seem to matter whether the person is male or female. My own DM went through it- DF was quite cruel to her and one of my brothers, whereas he would 'suck up' to me & my sister & other brother. I've seen it in other extended family and neighbours.

I think it's important to encourage a sick person to keep as much independence as possible. There's a difference between helping and caring for someone versus anticipating their every need and being a total slave to them.

fallfallfall · 03/05/2020 18:30

I may not have worded it as nicely as N0tfinished but I agree about the imbalance.

Original poster

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 19:20

The scary thing is that I feel like I am turning into my mum. My dad was always a kind gentke man until he became ill. He used to get quite short tempered especially with my mum. As a selfish teen I used to avoid him as much as possible.
He has arthritis btw.

OP posts:

opticaldelusion · 03/05/2020 20:57

Make sure you all cut your parents out of your life if they become infirm. Who needs that shit! And if you have the misfortune to have a child with health problems, then chuck them in care and have another one.

Those vows you took, OP... in sickness and in health? They mean fuck all according to some on this thread. Sick people are literally meh, yawn, a hindrance. Far better to cut those fuckers loose so you can have fun fun fun.

billy1966 · 03/05/2020 21:28

Yea, well listening to the OP, who has dome everything for the last couple of years for her unwell OP...she can't expect ANYTHING from him on the one day she is very unwell.

Those vows sure are one way.

Lazy waster.

I cut his arse loose pronto.

No way would I be doing in sickness and in health with woth a selfish prick whom is clearly taking the piss.

Jog on would be my view after today OP.

Mentally...I'd be done...#detach.

Hope you are feeling a bit better.

Relationships are two way...once the penny drops that they are now...detach.

billy1966 · 03/05/2020 21:30

....once you realise they are NOT....detach.

RebelWhoWashesFor19Seconds · 03/05/2020 21:33

Well said @billy1966

Honeyroar · 03/05/2020 21:34

If he can sit there playing games he can get off his arse and help. You need to start telling him off. Don’t let him become lazy and pathetic.

HT96 · 03/05/2020 21:40

Exact same position op... hugs xx

Original poster

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 22:06

Thank you. Well he cooked dinner. Rather bunged stuff in the oven.
Washing up still there though.

OP posts:

Original poster

Northernsoulgirl45 · 03/05/2020 22:07

Sorry @ht96

OP posts:

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