Mother starting to be rude about lockdown

[JKD1982]

Hi ladies

I am a first time mum due in 5 weeks. My mum has been continually asking when she can visit when I am either pregnant or when baby arrives to help me.

I’ve repeatedly explained that she isn’t allowed. Not because I’m being difficult but due to the rules. She is also a bit slack in self isolating as is in a flat in London and goes on walks with a few friends. She’s recently widowed (January) so I understand she’s lonely. But I am not the answer to that, I don’t want her infecting me or my baby??

She now has started saying how hard I am going to find the first few months and that I “will need my mum” as another way to get me to allow her to visit.

AIBU to keep saying no and now start to get a bit pissed off?

Your mum is not being selfish, as some posters seem to suggest. She has been very recently bereaved, and then thrown into lockdown. I don't know what the answer is, but I think some compassion is needed.

Grieving doesn’t cancel out someone’s selfishness. She is putting her want to be near someone and that someone is a fresh baby with no immunity to anything, above the safety of the baby and the wishes of her own daughter. She can be the most upset person in the world about being widowed, but that doesn’t stop her actions being selfish.

Jesus.

I do feel for your mum she has lost her partner and is still grieving maybe you are all she has? Mums tend to be over bearing at times my mom can be I love her to bits but her well meaning advice annoys me sometimes lol
Honestly you need to cut her some slack here maybe you and the baby are all she has and she wants to be there for you I know so many people who have lost their moms and would love just one more day.
I hope you feel just a little compassion to what she is going through at the moment even if she is getting on your nerves .
Just explain you will see in five weeks but don't shut her out OP

@Maria860...Yes her mother is grieving but putting her wants over the infant's needs is ridiculous. Her wants should never come before what the baby needs. Its not the baby's job to provide an emotional band aid. If OP and her baby is all that she has mom needs to deal with that through therapy. Op is going to have enoufh on her plate. The last thing she needs is to be her mother's emotional dumping ground and she definitely shouldn't see the baby until ots at least several months old.

Why shouldn't see the baby until it's several Months old ? Bit harsh and her mom is grieving if she can't turn to her child then who does she have wow compassion at its finest

I'm just amazed anyone can go for regular walks with friends & not have the police around. Around here you'd get grassed up instantly!!

If OP and her baby is all that she has mom needs to deal with that through therapy. Op is going to have enoufh on her plate

If I hadn’t read that with my own eyes I wouldn’t have believed anyone could be so heartless. This woman lost her husband three months ago. She doesn’t need therapy, she needs her family, the person she loves most in the world. There are some vile people in this world.

Yes her mother is grieving but putting her wants over the infant's needs is ridiculous. Her wants should never come before what the baby needs. Its not the baby's job to provide an emotional band aid. If OP and her baby is all that she has mom needs to deal with that through therapy. Op is going to have enoufh on her plate. The last thing she needs is to be her mother's emotional dumping ground and she definitely shouldn't see the baby until ots at least several months old.

Wow, @Leaannb that's astonishingly unpleasant. Emotional dumping ground? Not to see the baby until it's several months old?

Seriously, I find it hard to understand that someone can have so little empathy and compassion.

I didn’t mean to make anyone angry about my question. I am so sorry she’s lost her husband and I’ve lost my step dad too. I want to be supportive and I call every day to check in. I just don’t want to put my health or my baby’s health at risk. I don’t think the short term benefit of her seeing her grandson is worth it if anything happens to his health.

I can’t seem to make her see she should have a lifetime with him. But until the lockdown and fear of transmission is reduced and he’s stronger and I know she’s actually isolated. I don’t think it’s worth it

@Saraclara...Yes several months old to give the baby a chance to defend itself from the virus. In fact many of your midwives are reccomending this. Including my own DIL's midwife and my other DIL's OB/GYN and we don't have a single case of Covid on our Island.My empathy and compassion is for the baby. Not a selfish woman and yes putting her own grief over a baby's health is selfish

@AlsoHuman...I said Therapy because if OP and her unborn child is all her mother has in her life then this issue started way before her husband dying.

Never been bereaved have you @Leaannb?

@AlsoHuman Sure I have. I lost a child to Leukemia when she was 3. She is buried in Bury St. Edmunds and I have also lost my Father and Granny both of whom are buried in Cardiff

I don’t think the short term benefit of her seeing her grandson is worth it if anything happens to his health.

Please ask your midwife about this. My understanding (due in July) is that the risk to a healthy newborn is negligible. The higher risk is to your mum, and indeed to you (although still very low if you're healthy).