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Original poster

Birthday Driveby & feeling left out

75 replies

NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 11:34

It’s my Daughters classmate / one of her friends birthdays today. One of the other mums is organising a birthday drive-by. All the other mums / kids arevjoining in. A lovely lovely idea - only - it was my daughters birthday a few days into lockdown and she didnt get any calls or cards. Because there was so much uncertainty at the time / birthday drive-bys hadnt became a “thing“, I didnt think to organise anything and explained her friends forgetting her birthday due to all the early lockdown madness. Ive promised herva big party once lock down is over. It was fine at the time. However - what do i do now ? Do i tell her about todays drive by or not ? If i do she will understandably feel really left out / if i dont and she finds out through her friends online she will equally feel left out.

Just adding here that she was really upset at the time that only one of her friends had remembered to say happy birthday on the day.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 02/05/2020 11:37

How old is she? Could you let her decide if she wants to do it?

As a separate point drive bys are definitely not essential travel!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/05/2020 11:38

I wouldn’t be upset in the slightest. It’s a non essential journey and goes against lockdown. I’d be really cross about that rather than upset.

oakleaffy · 02/05/2020 11:41

OP, Not being unreasonable at ALL...So many people are having Birthdays in this lockdown...
I'd never even heard of a Birthday Driveby..Sounds a bit like a gangsta thing!

Perhaps card buying was hard for your DD's friends? ...I understand your upset, to be upset for DD.

I think lots of us will be having celebrations when this is all over {If we all survive!}
Our Mum is going to be 81 tomorrow.... and not ONE of her cards arrived in time.
Neither did mine last week...It is a pants time for a lot of people...
Flowers

Deepmidwicket · 02/05/2020 11:44

Birthday drive by? Well that’s not an essential journey. If they get stopped by the police good luck to them explaining that one. I would think less of the people doing it to be honest

NailsNeedDoing · 02/05/2020 11:45

I’d be sad in your position too. I think the best thing to do is be honest with your dd and acknowledge that it’s a shame she couldn’t have had the same because things were different at the start of lockdown and no one had had these ideas yet, plus at that time people were sticking to the rules more strictly than they appear to be now. Let her decide if she thinks this is a worthwhile thing to leave the house for in the circumstances.

oakleaffy · 02/05/2020 11:47

Re upset..I meant to say being upset about lack of cards/messages is the thing to be upset about..The 'Drive-by' not worth being upset about. Sounds like one of those ghastly Facebook ''let's all jump on the bandwagon'' trends...where everyone will film it.

WorraLiberty · 02/05/2020 11:47

The age is so hugely relevant here and yet you've forgotten to tell us.

nauseaandnipples · 02/05/2020 11:50

What worra said

Original poster
NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 11:56

@WorraLiberty sorry, I thought I had written it, they are turning 10.

OP posts:
Gawdsake2020 · 02/05/2020 12:02

birthday drive by? I take it nobodies bothering to pay lock down rules any attention anymore! Angry

redwoodmazza · 02/05/2020 12:05

Birthday drive by?
NO!!!!!
Just NO!!! Angry

OhioOhioOhio · 02/05/2020 12:10

You have to tell her so she can join in
and nice whilst coping with the disappointment

ChateauMargaux · 02/05/2020 12:10

My son's birthday was also a few days into lockdown. His class sang happy birthday to another child the following week and he was a bit put out that they didn't do the same for him on his birthday. It was however, all new and people were not really thinking straight. Sorry for your daughter and it will make her feel a bit sad.

Original poster
NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 12:14

I’m sorry to hear that for your son too @chateaumargaux

OP posts:
Gawdsake2020 · 02/05/2020 12:19

Personally I’d tell them you’re not doing it. I’m surprised you’re going along with it considering it breaks the rules of lockdown. Hope you don’t expect the NHS to help you in your time of need if you can’t Abide by some simple rules!

Sparklingbrook · 02/05/2020 12:20

A birthday drive-by? Whatever next? That is so uneccessary.

I can understand your upset OP but I think the key here is that your DD's birthday was 'a few days into lockdown' and things have changed dramatically since.
As for telling her I am not sure. Is it just literally driving past in the car?

HedgehogHotel · 02/05/2020 12:21

If people are within walking/running/cycling distance and go by to wave on an exercise outing, that is not unreasonable imo.

but to be upset your DD didn't get one just a few days into lockdown when no one knew which end was up and everyone was scrambling to find a new normal? Unreasonable. And I would like to think most people would get that, even a 10 year old if you talked it through.

One of mine has a birthday this coming week and a lot of his friends have been / will be having birthdays while in lockdown. It sucks, but it is what it is, and get that.

Original poster
NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 12:21

@gawdsake2020 - I’m not, I’m looking for advice on how to tell my daughter. Please read my original post.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 02/05/2020 12:23

Maybe tell her but explain that it's really not within lockdown rules so not a good idea? If you don't do it will you be the only ones?

CoronaIsComing · 02/05/2020 12:23

WTF is a birthday drive by? To be fair if the child’s mum has organised it and asked the other parents to take part, you can hardly complain that you didn’t do the same. That would be like, in normal times, not organising a party then complaining that the other child is now having a party.

Original poster
NewHorizons2020 · 02/05/2020 12:34

I’m going to tell her and see what she says as It’s this afternoon. Thanks to all the helpful posters !

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 02/05/2020 12:37

I'll preface this by saying birthday drive-bys are ridiculous, attention-seeking, unnecessary journeys, IMO. And are more about trying to go viral on social media than doing something nice.

But anyway, your dd's birthday was a few days in when nobody knew how long it would last or how soon they'd be able to get out and about. i think a 10 year old is old enough to understand that if her birthday had been further into the lockdown when nobody had seen each other for weeks and weeks, it's highly likely she would have gotten one, too.

YouJustDoYou · 02/05/2020 12:37

That's just really daft they're doing that.

Whatsgoingonrightnow · 02/05/2020 12:39

Sounds like a silly idea to me.

NaomiFromMilkShake · 02/05/2020 12:41

Got to be yet another American import.

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